Dopamine | Teen Ink

Dopamine

September 12, 2023
By Anonymous

Chi An and I have been best friends since we were young children. We grew up in the same tiny town and attended the same school every day. He was born three days before me, and as we grew older, he was a head taller than me. To be honest, he has always been better than me in every way, he constantly performs at the top level when it comes to studying, and I'm always at the bottom of the rankings. 

   In high school, Chi An became more dazzling in all aspects, he is tall and handsome, and he also studies very well. He is an ideal role model for girls, they surround him as satellites surround the earth. When I saw many people confessing to him, I eventually slowly realized that I liked Chi An. I think that I liked him for a long time, long before I even realized it myself. I didn't sleep all night, my head was a mess, but there was just no surprise and surprise. I'm both happy and scared. I was afraid he would stay away from me when he knew I liked him, and my parents would criticize me because the person I liked was a boy.

   After knowing I liked him, I no longer dared to see him. I always avoid him, and I live with negative thoughts every day. Gradually, my grades started to drop, it was so bad that the teacher had to call and complain to my parents. That afternoon, after returning home, I saw that my parents' faces were not very good, so I sat down heavily on the chair. My mother looked at me, sighed, then shook her head. After a while, she asked me why. I remained silent when my father saw this, and he immediately went into the room angrily, and after I also quietly returned to the room.  I sat in the dark room and looked into the dark void before my eyes. I don't know how much time passed when the light suddenly turned on. I started and turned my head towards the switch to turn off the light. I saw him standing there quietly, then he came and sat in front of me.

I  suddenly asked him: "What are you doing here?"

"Your parents called me to talk and advised you to focus on your studies." Chi An replied.

I was silent, he looked at me, then gave me a book and said: "It contains a photo of the person I love."

Hearing that, I lost my ability to think momentarily and could only mechanically hold that book. After taking out the photo, I discovered that the photo was taken in our middle school. It was very well preserved. In the blink of an eye, I could see that my breathing was choked. The photo fell to the ground, the person next to him was me. I unconsciously bent down to pick up the photo and put it in the book. My hands were shaking and my whole body was as stiff as a piece of wood. I didn't know how to react, so I decided to leave, but unfortunately, Chi An had already been standing in front of the door.

He stared at me, his eyes unusually serious: "I love you."

The world was quiet, I could only hear my heart which had stopped for a moment start to pound. When I was silent, Chi An didn't speak anymore. He gave me enough time to think. I don't know how much time passed. I sighed and softly said to the person in front of me: "You won."

If there is a god, please forgive my greed, I want Chi An, and I am willing to lose to him, stepping into the trap called love. Chi An's tense body relaxed slightly, he smiled, his beautiful eyes sparkled, and the corners of his lips curled more, he got closer to me little by little, finally intimately touching his forehead. He suddenly laughed out loud, then stepped back slightly, eyes staring into mine: "Now, everything depends on me." I slowly reached out and hugged him. Starting today, the name Chi An has a different meaning to me as my boyfriend and a unique existence. Normally we don't have any big changes, but after changing our identities, no matter what we do, it feels sweet. I have never been in love, In my eyes being in love with the person you like is probably so fun that even breathing feels sweet.

    Saturday evening, we walked in a park surrounded by many pedestrians. We walked in it, somewhat uneventfully but not at all suddenly. After walking a few rounds, we sat on the bench in the corner, Chi An placed my hand in his palm, and I tilted my head to look at his gentle face. It felt like a dream, everything was not real. In the following days, he started tutoring me frantically, so my performance gradually improved over the years.    

   Finally, after so much effort, I was able to walk to the university gate with him.  Standing in front of the university gate, Chi An gently said:” Now you will have someone to accompany you for the rest of your life. If you cannot continue, I will be ready to carry you to your destination.”

  Before, I never dared to dream about him, he was someone who always shined, and I was just a guy at the bottom of the rankings. His love is like a luxury item to me, something I can hardly reach. But now I have you by my side, I will not let go of your hand on the road ahead, we will walk together until death does us part.



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