how to disappear | Teen Ink

how to disappear

October 7, 2021
By jadezito BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
jadezito BRONZE, Eugene, Oregon
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

 The soft pattering of raindrops is keeping Sara calm. She feels comfortable and at ease. Her mind is elsewhere though. It is outside of this psychology class and across town in a small shoebox apartment that she shares with her love Ely. Her mind is running through the fight that happened there last night. She stands up to gather her things and quickly gets out of there. The clouds are still hanging overhead when Sara steps out, and rain is crashing into buildings with the drops being as big as walnuts. She plugs in her headphones to press play on her favorite Elliot Smith album and starts her journey to the bus stop. She starts on the events from last night. 

She arrived home a little after eleven, just as she had promised Ely. She had gone out with some school friends who happened to be men, but it was strictly friendly she had told Ely again and again. When she stumbled through the door Ely was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and a foul frown on his face.

“Finally decided to stop by then?” Ely snarled not leaving the couch.

“I’m sorry I’m a few minutes late,” Sara replied. “You know how the buses can be.”

Ely got up to approach Sara, “I just love waiting around all day for you Sara. Only for you to come home late and drunk.” He walked to the room and slammed the door.

This fight seems routine now. Ely felt so jealous of Sara going out without him. He has no job, no friends, and no plan on changing that. The night carried out like it usually did, with back and forth bickering until Sara finally gave in just so she could get some sleep. She drifted into fragmented sleep and strange feverish dreams filled with anger. 

Sara got to her bus stop a couple of minutes early which is unfortunate for her because her shoes are quickly filling with water and her socks are turning to sponges. Her toes are pruning and her mood shifts from hopeful to discouraged. She loves living in Portland. She loves the grey and rainy weather that constantly hangs over the city during the winter. She loves the bustling city life and the amazing people she has met.

It has been her dream to live here since she was a kid. Sara has wanted to engulf herself in culture and drown in different ideas. When she had got accepted into Portland State University, Ely planned a surprise party to congratulate her and invited all her close friends to celebrate. Sara felt so loved and appreciated that day, that she decided to invite Ely to come live with her in college. Everyone had told her that it wouldn’t last and that she should leave Ely behind because he wasn’t going anywhere in life, but she had so much love for him that she couldn’t possibly see herself without him. Those first few months of living together felt like heaven for Sara. She got to wake next to the person she loved and spend all day and night with him. He would make her breakfast before school and send her off with a kiss and she would anticipate coming home all day. Sara misses that time. Before the fighting and before the jealousy. She decides that she better call her sweet mom Diane to talk this out with someone.

“Hi, Mom! I’ve been thinking about you and want to try and talk some things through.” Sara starts. 

“Hello love it’s good to hear you how have you been?” Diane seems to know something is up.

“Oh you know Mom, me and Ely are having a lot of fights lately. Mostly about how many men I hang out with. He never leaves the house and is jealous of me having other friends and having a life outside of him.” Sara explains.

“Darling I love you and you know I love Ely too but, this is more than you can handle. Ely has problems out of your control. I know you don’t want to lose him because he’s your first love and all that, but you deserve better. Get a man that has drive and isn’t afraid of a successful partner.” Diane says. 

Sara can’t believe what she’s hearing. She could leave Ely if she wants to. Ely is the love of her life, how can she replace him? She can fix Ely and she will. Ely is just another puzzle to complete and then he can be everything Sara wants. She knows what she has to do to help Ely and that is cut off all her new friends. Then he will be happy because she can devote all her time to him and just him. Sara doesn’t need other people to be happy because she has him and will have him forever. She hung up at once.

Sara arrives home to a drunken Ely who looks and smells like a rotten fruit basket. He hasn’t showered and seems to already have a fight brewing in him. 

“You know Sara I’ve been thinking, You just don’t get me. You don’t really do much for this relationship. I do everything.” Ely grumbles between hiccups. 

Sara finally sees what everyone has warned her about. She sees through the facade of first love, fear of change, loneliness and sees Ely for what he is. A man who used to adore her but now, feels she is disposable. 

“Ely, get out now,” Sara says coldly.

Ely looks confused.

“I said leave. I can’t be with you anymore.”

Ely seems horrified and walks right outside of the door to look at Sara again. He opens his mouth to say,

“Wait, Sara..”

Before he can finish the door is closing and another door opens for Sara. A new blossoming life full of new friends and being able to grow out of the person she was into someone she loves.

The author's comments:

I love portland Oregon and I tried to capture the gloomy weather that takes over the city. I love the weather though and want to live there someday. 

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