List Changes | Teen Ink

List Changes

May 2, 2021
By noadavies BRONZE, Scarsdale, New York
noadavies BRONZE, Scarsdale, New York
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Monday morning; 

one) Seven thirty sharp, Kendall rolled out of bed off the right side.

two) She strolled into the bathroom, splashed water on her face and brushed her teeth                                for exactly two minutes. 

three) Kendall skipped over to her closet, slipped on a pink tank top, cream colored cardigan, and long flare out jeans. 

four) She galloped her way over to the vanity, brushed two strokes of mascara on each eye, dabbed on her peach scented lip gloss, and grabbed her school bag to go downstairs. 

five) As Kendall made her way down the stairs, she saw that Miles was already outside. 

She ran into the kitchen, said “hi” to her mom and grabbed a granola bar. 

The smell of Old Spice deodorant mixed with hockey gear sweat filled her nose as Kendall opened the door to Miles’ black Jeep Wrangler. “Hey babe” she remarked to Miles, still looking in the mirror fixing his hair, “Mornin’”. He put the car back in drive and turned up the music. As they sang along to Little Lion Man, Kendall started eating her breakfast. “A granola bar? You should have gotten a banana for breakfast, less fat” Miles looked over at Kendall with a disgusted look. Her smile vanished, her heart sank, she looked down at her hands where there was one little corner missing in her chocolate chip Cliff bar. And then she looked up, but Miles didn’t look worried or confused in the slightest. In fact, he kept singing the song and smiling. Kendall’s sight started to blur as the tears built up in her eyes, but she wouldn’t let them out. She just put her bar back into her bag, quickly blinked twice and put her smile right back on. He loves me, she kept telling herself. Kendall was right. He did love her but she had to be twisted to believe it was the right kind of love. 

“So, you have that animal debate thing in history today right,” Miles looked over at Kendall. “Yep, it’s today,” she replied with a sigh. “You’ll do great,” he smiled. “You always do.” Kendall smirked and before she knew it, she was already in the school parking lot. Approaching the school, Miles opened the door, letting himself in first, of course, but making sure he was still a gentleman and held the door for Kendall. It didn’t matter whether Kendall walked in first or last because no matter what, the attention was always on her. Walking down the hallway to math class, she waved at Samantha in her art class. Her best friend Amelia started walking alongside her and they gushed about the new interview Vogue did on Gigi Hadid. As Kendall turned into her math classroom and took a seat at her desk, she had her test waiting for her. Kendall flipped over the page, and saw 97 circled in red ink. She slyly put the test in her binder when she felt a tap on her shoulder. “What’d you get?” her friend Riley asked, trying to peer over her shoulder. “I did ok,” Kendall smiled. “Oh please,” Riley rolled her eyes, “as if you’ve ever gotten lower than an 88. Anyways, can you show me where I went wrong for this one?” As Kendall started explaining, her teacher overheard and asked Kendall to explain it to the whole class. 

Straight from math, Kendall ran through the halls as fast as she could to get to history. When she arrived, the class was empty except for one kid. Great, Kendall thought sarcastically. She just made sure she looked away, got right to her seat, and read over her notes another five times. Then the bell rang and Kendall looked up to find that the teacher had walked in and the class had filled up. “Ok, class, let's get started,” Mr. Shimes announced, “Up first, per usual, Kendall and Ethan, take your places. And please for the sake of this class, let’s keep this debate somewhat friendly for once.” Mr. Shimes took his seat and grabbed his clipboard. Kendall could hear her heart beating somehow, and her palms got really sweaty again. You can do this, it’s not like you’ve never beat him. You’ll do it again. She said this to herself, took a deep breath, and strutted up to her podium like a girl on a mission. As she turned to the class, her classmates were all sitting up perfectly straight in their seats, fully invested, as if their favorite TV show just came on. From the corner of her eye, she could see Ethan do his usual aggressive foot tapping and get that serious look in his eye, preparing himself for battle. The two started with their opening statements on whether or not animal testing should be banned, and then it was time for debate. Kendall started, “Why should we be harming animals who want nothing to -” , “because would you rather hurt human life,” Ethan interrupted. “Well maybe if you let me finish my sentence, you would be able to hear the answer to your question,” Kendall looked him dead in the eye. “Well maybe if you had a valid point, I wouldn’t have to interrupt,” Ethan looked right back into hers. And just as Kendall opened her mouth to bark back, Mr. Shimes stood up and both Kendall’s and Ethan’s eyes darted towards him. “This has gone on long enough in my class and I can only imagine others. The two of you, sit down and stay five minutes after class. I need to discuss something with the both of you.” Kendall’s heart had now stopped beating, and she felt numb as she picked up her papers and returned to her desk. It took Ethan longer to get to his desk as he stood there, staring at Mr. Shimes for a few moments after, trying to comprehend what had just happened. For the rest of the class, Kendall was in another world. She knew she was getting expelled, or held back, or detention. This would go on her college transcript and then what, her dreams of Yale are completely gone. That’s it, she’s done for the rest of her life. What will her parents think, what will her future kids think when their mom has gotten expelled. Forget about kids, no one will marry her or want to have kids with her in the first place. 

Then the bell rang and suddenly, Kendall was forced back to reality and she picked up her head from the palm of her hand. The other students cleared out and Amelia squeezed Kendall’s shoulder on her way to the door but Kendall was too stressed to even look up at her. “Now, I know the two of you must be freaking out right now, but I’m not punishing you,” Mr. Shimes looked at both Ethan and Kendall. The two let out a sigh of relief so loud that Mr. Shimes chuckled. “But in all seriousness, this feud between the two of you has got to stop. You both know you are brilliant students, but it’s ok for the other to be as well.” Kendall could see Ethan look over at her but she despised him more than ever at this moment and she couldn’t bear to look at him. “Clearly, debating against each other isn’t working to get the two of you to show respect towards the other. So instead, I’m assigning the two of you to rewrite an argument together on the same topic. One of you will join the other’s side. You will need double the evidence and it will be due next week once all of the other debates have happened.”

I thought this wasn’t supposed to be a punishment Kendall thought to herself. But she wouldn’t dare say it out loud as Mr. Shimes chose to not take away Yale, her parent’s pride, her future husband or children and she was thankful for that. As both Ethan and Kendall thanked Mr. Shimes immensely for giving them another chance and apologizing profusely, Kendall was annoyed that Ethan copied everything she was saying. As they ran out to their next classes, Kendall decided to be the bigger person and told Ethan she would text him later so they could figure out times to work. As she turned her back to him, she shook her head. How did I, Kendall Miller, get stuck in this position? I guess it is the best possible outcome. Today is a bad day. But as she approached her honors chemistry class, she picked her head up, plastered on a sweet girl smile and took her seat. 

At lunch, Kendall realized she didn’t have Ethan’s number. Once she put her bag down next to Miles who didn’t even notice she was there, she walked up to Ethan in the sandwich line. “Hey, totally realized that I didn’t have your phone number so it was kinda pointless to tell you I would text you,” Kendall pulled her phone out and looked up at him.“Hey, yeah I also realized that as we walked away from each other,” they both started laughing. You hate this kid, Kendall, what are you doing. Ethan clearly thought the same thing because both of their laughs came to a quick halt and Ethan said, “it’s 917 456 8801,” Kendall punched it into her phone, “Ok, I’ll text you later,” “See ya,” Ethan replied. And as she walked back to her table, Miles had definitely noticed she was around by now. He grabbed her shoulder and walked her out of the loud cafeteria, “What are you doing flirting with him? Do you know how bad that makes me look?” Her eyes grew wide with fury, “Flirting? Are you kidding me Miles? Maybe if you paid any attention to me you would know we were told to work together and I needed his number.” Miles looked at her with puppy eyes and reached for her hand, “I pay attention to you”. “Sure you do,” Kendall yanked her hand and turned her back to him. She hid her face as she speed walked into the cafeteria and grabbed her bag to go to the library. She knew Truman Capote and her cesar salad wrap would be more deserving of her attention than Miles.

Later that day, when she had finished her homework and daily workout, she was on Facetime with Amelia. “Girl, where were you at lunch today? I asked Miles but he didn’t even know,” Amelia asked Kendall. “Ugh, I have this project now with Ethan, right, so I couldn’t let him have more information than me when we met. I just went to the library to do more research,” she responded. “I’ll never understand why the two of you don’t just get along, I know you hate when I say it, but he’s the only one who’s nearly as smart as you are. No one else in this grade could measure up that much,” Amelia said to Kendall. ''Ew, can we not talk about this? It grosses me out,” Kendall said and so they spent the rest of the night online shopping but Kendall kept noticing the time getting later and later. There was not one call from Miles, not one apology, not one text message or voicemail. She hung up the phone with Amelia, shut her lights off, and cried into her pillow. Why do I love him? She never understood why someone who didn’t call her once all night could also hold so much love in her heart. Anyone in their right mind would have run, anyone who cared about themselves would have left a year ago when it started. It was good, it was good in the beginning. We can get to that again you just have to talk to him about it, so Kendall went to bed with the idea in her head that she would talk to Miles about it and this put her at ease to an extent. Kendall couldn’t admit that she had said this to herself before.

Another day at school passed, but Miles was away on a trip with his hockey team for the day so he didn’t pick Kendall up that morning. He forgot to tell Kendall this the night before, so Riley ended up taking her to school last minute. He did send a really sweet apology note which left Kendall feeling happy and less concerned for the rest of the school day. What a good boyfriend Miles was! The last period bell rang and that happy feeling morphed into annoyance. As she dragged herself into the library, Kendall made an agreement with herself. Be smarter but do not be too much. Assert your power, but don’t over power. She found Ethan by a table in the corner with all the books they needed already out, paper on the left side, pencils, highlighters, and pens on the left and she was reminded, they really were alike. “Hey, I scouted out a few books I thought we could use to do more research,” Ethan looked into Kendall’s eyes and continued, “I also don’t mind changing to your position on the topic but it’s up to you.” She stood there, blank, for a second, taken aback by the kindness that Ethan greeted her with. “Hi, umm, that sounds great. I gathered a few websites beforehand too.” She took her backpack off and sat down next to him, “If you want to do your position I don’t care either.” “Let’s just do yours,” Ethan replied. “Ok, let me share my notes document with you.” And the two spent the rest of their afternoon together, writing drafts on why animals should not be used for human tests. Though this was cute, this library date was far from romantic. At the same time, there was this sense of truce. Kendall felt comforted by the idea that she was working with someone who applied the same amount of discipline and respect to their work as she did. As the two left the library later that afternoon, they both understood that they had a newfound relationship of friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

The next afternoon, Kendall texted Ethan to meet again as they did not have much time to prepare and this debate had to be perfect. The school day went by, and Kendall found Ethan at the same table with the same books and set up from the day before. As they chatted away about their debate, Kendall was kind of over the whole “just school talk” thing. “So, you play any sports,” Kendall asked Ethan. ‘You play any sports?’ God Kendall, what a great way to make a friend, you don’t even play any sports.”Basketball, but I had to take the season off.” Ethan reached over her for a book, “Oh, I’m sorry. What happened?” Kendall responded. “This summer I was riding my bike and moved my knee weirdly but I didn’t pay much attention to it so it just increasingly got worse. And it was fractured, not anymore, but just to be safe I took the season off.” “Ah, that sucks, I'm sorry. My boyfriend had to take his hockey season off last year because of an injury and was upset about it,” she froze as these words came out of her mouth. It’s not too soon, we’re friends, yeah. A friend is supposed to know about your romantic life. Yeah, we’re friends.  “You’re dating Miles, right,” Ethan looked at Kendall with a sense of disapproval and disappointment in his eyes. No one had ever looked at her like that and she wasn’t very fond of someone she just became friends with looking at her like that. “Yeah, I am,” Kendall looked down. The rest of their time together was silent. Who is he to judge me, is he kidding? I bet he’s never even kissed a girl from all the time he spends being such a total jerk. Ugh, he doesn’t even know Miles. But as she replayed that look that Ethan gave her, over and over again in her mind, she saw a look of concern and this scared her. Why is he concerned? What does he know? I mean there’s nothing to know, right? I’m happy, Miles is happy, so we’re happy. But why is he the only one who looks at me concerned? Ethan is the only one that noticed something Kendall was trying so hard to hide, and she didn’t know how to handle it. So she left the library that afternoon and patiently waited for Miles to pick her up later that night.

As she looked out the window to see Miles’ Jeep zoom down her street, Kendall slipped on her Birkenstocks and kissed her puppy goodbye. Opening the door, this time, Kendall got a hug from over the seat. Clearly, Miles doing the bare-minimum cheered Kendall up so much because she completely forgot the very important conversation she had to have. The two blasted their combined playlist with the roof down and Miles drove her to get ice cream. In the parking lot of Carvel, Miles was rambling on about his hockey tournament while Kendall slowly licked her hand to keep her cookies and cream ice cream from oozing down her arm and nodding her head as if she was listening to him. “Anyways, what have you been up to?” Miles asked, taking a lick of his chocolate scoop. “Well, you know I have to redo this paper, right. So I’ve been going to the library a few days after school to write it with Ethan. He’s-” “Wait,” Miles interrupted, “You’re telling me that while I’ve been away, you’ve been hanging out with that Ethan kid? Alone?”. “Miles,” Kendall was starting to lose her temper, “I’m writing a paper with him. It’s an assignment. My teacher told me to do it. I HAVE to.” “I can’t believe you Kendall, I can’t believe you,” his voice rose, his forehead started to wrinkle, and his eyebrows scrunched as he aggressively clenched the wheel. “You can’t believe ME? Miles, you didn’t even tell me you were going away, you didn’t even text me the night after we fought. You didn’t -” then Kendall felt a sharp pain on her shoulder. It was almost as if a bowling ball had been chucked directly at it, or someone was chucking rocks at the lake, only the lake was her shoulder. “ENOUGH!” she heard Miles’ voice but it sounded like a sharp ring in her ear. Her eyesight started to blur as she could feel warm tears start to swell up in her eyes. But they didn’t have enough time to roll down her face before a swarm of “I’m sorry, Kendall, oh my God, what have I done,” started coming at her. She looked up at Miles, Miles who was supposed to love her, Miles who was supposed to stop the hurt in the world, Miles who was supposed to take care of her. How did I end up here? How did I end up being this girl? Kendall didn’t say a word but rather walked out of the car. Before she could even collect her thoughts, she realized that she had texted Ethan, and he was on the way to pick her up.


Kendall didn’t know why Ethan was the first one to pop into her mind, but as she got into Ethan's car, she felt safe. He also didn’t ask why she asked for a ride from a random Carvel or why her eyes were puffy, and she was thankful for that. He just played good music and spoke to Kendall as a friend would. This put Kendall at ease. Whether he suspects what just happened or has no clue, he’s a friend, and a good one. As they approached her house, the two made a plan to meet up after school. Ethan could see the worry in her eyes when the plan had been established. But after the goodbyes were said, Kendall slowly opened the door and even the slight crunch of the gravel in her driveway made her flinch. Kendall noticed how he watched her until she was in the door, and saw him shake his head and pull out of the driveway once she was inside. As she made her way upstairs, the time was eight o’clock. Shower time.She turned on the water at exactly ninety eight degrees, she took off her shirt and looked in the mirror. Kendall didn’t know whether to cry or scream so she just froze, with her hand covering her mouth. She then ran her fingers along the pinkish purple mark on her shoulder, the size of a Werther’s hard candy. She quickly turned up her white speaker blasting Rihanna, and then she started to cry. The tears blended in with the shower water and when she got out, she completely forgot to brush her teeth and got into bed on the left side instead of the right.

That next morning, Kendall;

one) Woke up at seven thirty five, getting out of bed on the left side which, obviously, completely threw her off balance.

five) Then she went downstairs, she asked her mom for a ride but grabbed a banana.

three) Threw on sweats and a band tee shirt, and managed to get her hair in a bun.

two) Brushed her teeth for only one minute and forty-eight seconds.

four) She didn’t even bother to put on her two strokes of mascara or peach scented lip gloss.

The school day went by and Kendall avoided any passings with Miles in the halls and ignored all of his million phone calls, text messages, Snapchats, Instagram DMs, and Facebook chats. She ate lunch in the library again, but not one of her friends texted her to ask where she was. Not one friend asked why she came to school in her pajamas or why her eyelashes weren’t perfectly curled or why she rarely participated in classes that day. Not one friend, except for when she met with Ethan after school. “What’s up with you today?” he asked her, “I noticed you highlighted with a regular yellow highlighter today instead of your usual purple.” “Nothing’s up,” Kendall responded. “You can’t tell me nothing’s up, you look like you just rolled out of bed,” Ethan grinned at her. This made Kendall laugh and sway. As she did so, the sleeve of her t-shirt rolled up and Ethan’s eyes darted towards her shoulder. The laughing came to an immediate halt, Kendall rolled down her sleeve and turned a fire truck red color. “Kendall,” Ethan looked up at her with the same look as he had once before, disapproval, disappointment, and concern, only heightened. But this time, it was mixed with worry and shock. “It’s nothing,” Kendall looked down. “You can’t ‘nothing’ me with that one Kendall. That’s not nothing, that’s, that’s...” it was as if Ethan forgot how to speak for a second, “That’s not ok. Who did that to you?” Kendall knew that he could answer that question for himself. She stayed silent and started picking at her nails as she couldn’t bear to see the look on his face. “You know that’s not ok,” he stared her down, but it was soft, somehow. “I know,” her voice was low, “You know it’s ok to leave,” “I-,” her voice broke and now it was Kendall who didn’t know how to form words. “He might love you, I’m sure he does, but Kendall, look at your shoulder. That’s not what love looks like,” “But I don’t know what my life looks like without him. It’s Miles, we’ve loved each other since forever ago.” She tried her best to keep her tears in because she didn’t want to scare him off with her overwhelming emotions. Despite her best efforts, she failed at that part. “Things change. You change, he changes, your relationship changes. Clearly, it hasn't changed for the better. This isn’t good for you and your shoulder is proof of that.” Kendall wanted to scream at him. She wanted to punch him or slap him across the face but instead, she just started to cry harder. She cried because Ethan just said all the things Kendall knew, but had denied for so long.

That night, Kendall agreed that Miles should come by and have a talk in his car, in her driveway. For the first time, she walked slowly to his car instead of running. For the first time, she opened the door with no music playing but rather opened the door to see Miles with tears streaming down his face. Keep your cool. He did this, remember that. She said this to herself and then Kendall took a deep breath, and sat in the passenger seat. It was silent for a moment but then Miles broke it, “Kendall, I don’t even know where to start. You know how much you mean to me and I would never mean to hurt you. It was just an instinct. I was so scared of losing you to this guy my emotions got the best of me. I’m sorry, I really am.” Kendall nodded slowly, “That’s all you got? ‘Oh Kendall I’m sorry I was jealous of your study buddy’. That’s really all you got for why I have a bruise on my shoulder!?” “You have a bruise?” Miles looked towards her shoulder so Kendall lifted up her t-shirt. “I- Kendall oh my God! There are no words to make up for what I’ve done. I know that. But at least let me try to come close to it,” he begged, wiping his tears with his t-shirt. “No Miles, it’s been enough. I’ve had enough of you treating me like I’m nothing,” Kendalll stood her ground, for once. “But Kendall, I love you.” That sentence made her break. “I really do love you and I promise I’ll do whatever I can to make it up to you. And we can keep loving each other, and go to colleges not too far away from each other, and honeymoon in Greece, just like we always planned.” The two stared at each other, both with faces so wet from their tears it looked like they had gone swimming. “ I love you Kendall.” He loves you. You know he does. No, Kendall. You’re smart, you’re not that girl. But he loves you. Love conquers all. And with that one thought, completely neglecting all the other things she had been thinking prior, Kendall told Miles to pick her up for school the next morning.

The next morning, Kendall was back on her usual seven thirty wake up time, two strokes of mascara and peach lip gloss morning list. She skipped happily into Miles’ car that morning with a new found hope. Kendall opened the door, got a big hug and they started to drive away. The car ride started out as it always did, with their combined playlist, but then Miles turned down the music. “You’re not seeing that Ethan guy anymore, correct?” he glanced over at her while stopped at a red light, “because you know our relationship can’t afford another outburst and fight like that. You wouldn’t do that to our relationship, correct?” Milles placed his hand on her thigh. Kendall let out a big sigh and thought for a second, After this project you’re done with Ethan. The project’s over, you can be happy with Miles now. So what if you lose a friend, you have plenty of friends. You don’t need anymore. “Yeah, I mean, we finished our perspective on the debate so I have no reason to see him,” she responded. Miles smiled, “Good. We’re gonna be good Kendall. That is, if you’d be my partner for the health project. I’m gonna fail the class if I’m not with you,” Kendall nodded and he turned the music back up. Kendall couldn’t help but feel a sense of guilt. She wasn’t sure if it was guilt towards Ethan, or towards herself but either way, it wasn’t a feeling she wanted to have. The one real friend she had, Kendall was throwing away, for a guy who didn’t even know he needed to put an air freshener in his car.

Health class was the first period and Kendall had a new feeling. She felt a mix of panic, fear, and excitement all at once but especially, guilt. As she took her seat in the front row, she took a deep breath, and saw Ethan to her left of her. “Good morning class,” their teacher started, “as I’m sure you all remember, today is time to pick your partners for the upcoming project. I’m just going to go down the line. Kendall you’re up first,” he looked at her. Her heart started beating very fast and her breath started to shorten. A million thoughts raced through her mind as she turned over her shoulder to look at Ethan. Her eyes met his and all of a sudden, all of her racing thoughts slowed down to a walking pace. His eyes are pretty. KENDALL PICK YOUR BOYFRIEND WHY IS THIS TAKING YOU SO LONG. He’s really pretty. YEAH SO IS YOUR BOYFRIEND. NOW PICK HIM. He gets me. He understood me without me having to say anything and I just met him. Her thoughts were sharply interrupted by her teacher, “Kendall, we don’t have all day here, who do you want to be your partner?” “Kendall told me she’d be with me,” her head quickly turned to Miles, “right, Kendall?” But when she looked into Miles’ eyes, she didn’t see the care or the understanding that she saw yet again when she turned back to face Ethan. But he’s your boyfriend, he’s YOUR boyfriend.  Then Ethan mouthed, “things change,” and it struck Kendall. She turned to face her teacher, took a deep breath, and said, “No, Ethan and I have decided to be partners.” Suddenly, a weight was lifted off of her chest. She felt light, like she could float. Kendall, you have a boyfriend. Oh my goodness. What have you just done? “Ok. Kendall and Ethan go work in the hall,” her teacher instructed them and continued to go down the line. Kendall pressed her two palms on the desk to get herself up, making sure she wouldn’t look anywhere close to Miles’ direction. “What was that?” Ethan turned to face Kendall, slowly reaching down to her hand. “What was what?” Kendall let out a laugh and then before she could even take another breath, he kissed her, softly. But after one second he leaned out, “Kendall, you’ve gotten yourself into a mess. We can’t be or do anything without you talking to Miles.” “I know, and I think he already knows what this means as well,” she replied. It had been a while since Kendall had smiled like that or since she actually believed a guy wanted to do something right for her sake, and not for himself. But that smile quickly faded as she saw Miles turn out of the classroom and walk right up to her, “Kendall, what-” “no,” she interrupted him, “let’s not fight right now. We both know what this means,” she looked up at Miles for the last time. “Yeah, I know,” Miles looked down and so did Kendall. 

It was about time this girl got Miles out of her life and brought some change in. Kendall was finally growing up and understanding that she needed to do what is best for her at all times. And as her day continued into night, Kendall felt stronger and happier. Though, for some reason, she missed a certain aspect of Miles. By now, it was about time she knew that this feeling wasn’t enough to pull her back. She went to bed happy that tomorrow morning Ethan would be pulling up to her driveway. And as she pulled her white and grey sheets over her shoulders, she went to bed smiling instead of crying and suddenly she realized, her list would have to change for her night routine. Of course, because what else would Kendall Miller think.

Beep! Beep! Beep! 

one) Seven thirty sharp Kendall’s alarm went off. 

two) She splashed her face, brushed her teeth. 

three) Put on her pink tank top and cream cardigan with flare out jeans.  

four) Applied two strokes of mascara and peach scented lip gloss and was out the door. 

five) As she looked out the window, Miles’ car was outside already, so she ran out and into the car. 

They jammed to their favorite song and Kendall started eating her granola bar to which Miles told her a banana would be less fattening for her. But she had a debate, so she cleared up her tears and walked into the school with ambition. The halls were filled with bustling students, trudging to get to their classes, but in her debate class, there were just empty desks, except for Ethan staring at his filled up notes sheet. The two were called up to debate, the debate ended. Kendall had won. There was no assignment for the two of them to complete it together and redo the whole project, there was no library dates, or late night Carvel pickups. No, there was just Kendall, a girl who just beat her enemy in debate class, wishing that her dreams of change, like last night, would actually come true. And that whole fantasy that she dreamt of, all of her hidden hopes, dreams, wishes, and needs would have to come at another time. She couldn’t bring herself to change, no matter how badly she wanted it to. Everyday was the same for Kendall, while every dream showed her what she was missing.

The author's comments:

Kendall Miller is the girl everyone wants to be and loves. She has the brains, the boyfriend, and the status. But under all that greatness, Kendall has her own set of hidden struggles. Throughout List Changes, reader's are able to relate and even sympathize with Kendall with all of her intellectual brilliance and emotional cluelessness. 

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