The Pain It Causes

I remember it hurt, looking at him hurt. Remembering everything we went through and all the feelings came rushing back it’s like things never changed.. At least not for me. Sometimes you do stupid things in life and mine was falling in love with you.

October 19th, 2019

It was the first time I felt joy in my life after so long of being numb. You were by my side making me laugh and holding my hand through out the night. I don’t normally go out and do stuff but with you I felt safe. The way we danced the night away and you continued to look at me with those stupid brown eyes and your smile that lit up the room. I remember smiling brighter than i ever have before. We were just two silly teenagers who fell in love..

October 25th, 2019

You came over and finally gave me your sweatshirt, god it smelt so much like you. We talked all night til you had to go home. Those hours we spent together were the best. You fell asleep on me but also made me feel like I was loveable and that you would never let anyone hurt me.

November 4th, 2019

You finally called me yours and made me believe you were ready and wanted to be with me. You promised to never hurt me.. But 2 hours later I got the text that made my heart shatter and little did I know you wanted her.

December 9th, 2019 

I was still so heart broken over you and you knew that I was vulnerable and I would continue to let you back in because all I ever wanted was to be with you. So you played along for several months on and off.

March 8th, 2020 (His Birthday)

I was finally getting over you, I thought things were going great and they’ve changed so I wished you a happy birthday but to you that was a gate way back into my life for the millionth time because no matter what I told myself you were the person I wanted to be with. The person I planned on spending the rest of my life with. You knew I was wrapped around your stupid little finger.

August 18th, 2020

I started seeing you more often so I had to get over the fact that no matter how many games you played it wasn’t gonna happen and I knew that. You always came back because my arms were wide open for you and only you, it felt wrong to be with anyone else.

October 5th, 2020

I tried with you one last time. But this time hurt more than the rest because I opened myself up to you that night and gave you every single part of me. Parts no one has ever seen before but I trusted you. I wanted the validation I never got from you. I wanted you to stay this time so you said all the right things and ended up getting what you wanted. I never got what I tried so hard for but it took a couple words for you to get yours.

October 28th, 2020

I got all my answers that night, you told me everything. You’ve been in love with her for years and I was just another conquest for you until she finally gives you the time of day. You used me to boost your self esteem and make your self feel better. Nobody has ever stuck by you as long as I have and you admitted that. I put with so much just because I loved you..

It’s now January 28th, 2021. Yes your on my mind but not like before, you put me through so much but I still care about you. I’m not wanting you anymore or craving your attention, I just want you to be okay. Like I said in the beginning its two silly teens who fell in love.. But it was only one.