“Why is all of this happening?” That has been my question since I was seven. Today, the day of my good friend Charlie’s funeral, was a long day and dreadfully depressing. I am seventeen and for ten years I have had things happening in my life that just puts weight on my shoulders and it has made my one frightful fear come true, losing everyone and everything, I wish every night that it would cessation and there would be a rainbow, but truth is life does not happen like that it just goes on and on and on. I have known Charlie since we were ten he seemed funny and trustworthy we quickly became friends, we both wanted to live intriguingly, he was so fun to hang out with we always went to the Burger Shack to eat our favorite burger the double stuffed bacon burger, I wish he did not take his life he had so much potential he could have been the new Pit-Bull rapping his way to the top, but instead he decided to leave us all. Charlie seemed like he did not want to talk to us so we, his friends, gave him some space but was that the reason he took his life was it because he thought we hated him?
“Greg, Charlie’s parents are here please come down stairs.” My mom Chelsie Breken, called to me, she is beautiful but extremely emotional she is so proud that I save my money, me and Charlie were really good at saving our money, that she cries about it happily.
“Greg we just wanted to say thank you so much for being there for our son and……. you did really great at the…..the….the funeral, the things you said brought some joy to the day.” Charlie’s mom said to me through her sniffles and tears.
“It was no problem ma’am he was a great guy and I am genuinely sorry for what has happened.” That really was the only thing I could say I was still speechless for what happened.
The next few months Charlie was the matter in hand around school everyone bothering me and my friends asking “Why did he take his own life?” or “How did he do it?” being completely selfish some of my classmates have made rumors as to why he did it and how. Truth is I needed someone to listen and just be here for me, every night I cried myself to sleep and I have had to leave class a few times because I will crumble in the middle of class and I have just been losing myself. I am usually always there for my friends, but after this I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. I had stopped playing football, I have stopped making conversation with friends and family, I have begun to fall behind in school work, and I am just distant from everyone. Losing my outstanding friend really hurt me I am beginning to think of what it would be like to take my own life. I wonder how he did it and what it felt like. I have lost a lot in my life and I guess losing Charlie pushed me over the edge, because today, today is the day I take my own life just like Charlie did, the pain just needs to stop.
“Greg, honey your father is here to pick you up for his weekend with you.”  My mom yells up the stairs calling me, I did not answer so she came upstairs I felt bad as I stood there looking at her when she finds my body, there in the bathtub lifeless staring off into space.
“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” A screechy scream came from my mother, as she began to cry my father came running up the stairs he began to cry as well, he held my mother and just looked at me. Seeing my parents in that position made me start to regret it all, I-- I wish I could take this back I want to go back, but I can not. I watch as people at school talk of me and Charlie and see the torture I have made for my parents. There are many people at my funeral, I feel worse than I did when I was alive I had left my life to stop the pain and instead I produced more pain for myself. I walk the halls of the school and watch my parents at their jobs, I just watch, there is nothing else I can do, they can not hear me, they can not see me, and they can not feel me and I can no longer feel their loving hugs and I am in desperate need of one. If I could I would take back the hellish choice I had made. I have now realized taking my life may have been an option, but I now see it was not a great nor satisfying option. I feel distraught at myself for putting my parents and friends in such pain. My question for ten years was “Why is this happening?” and it has changed to “Why did I do this to everyone, why did I do this to myself?” I am living with that question up here in heaven. Me and Charlie, here in heaven look down upon our friends and family and we have both mourn the horrifying decision we have made of taking our own lives. We have learned the decision we made was the worst of them all.