I stood and watched my husband, Sebastian, being torn away from the family and carried off to war, again, leaving me to care for our eight-year-old son, Dustin, all by myself. But who was I kidding? Dustin practically raised himself so far. He made his own dinner everyday, and did his school work without any help. Sometimes I felt he didn’t even need me, like he would survive just fine without me. I guess it’s because I seemed to always be dazed and depressed whenever Sebastian was gone.
My eyes, glazed over with tears, caused my vision to blur as Sebastian slowly and solemnly ambled over to where the other recruits stood.
The heart breaking wails of women and children could be heard all around as the time for departure grew nearer.
“Sebastian! Sebastian, please don’t go! Come back. Please…” I whimpered as he and the other recruits began loading onto the bus that would take them away.
This may be the last time I ever saw him again. What was I going to do? How could I live without him? I questioned. Then I thought of Dustin, standing at my side, clinging to my hand as he saw his dad walk away from us for the second time in his life. I needed to be a better mother to my son, I decided.
“It’s going to be alright, buddy. Daddy will be home before you know it,” I whispered, kneeling down by his side.
“I just don’t understand why he needs to leave. I want him to stay with us, so that we can be a happy family again,” he said through sobs, tears streaming down his face.
“I love you, Dustin, I just need you to know that,” I said, grabbing his small frame and holding him to me in a tight embrace.
“I love you too, Mommy,” he sniffled, holding on to me as tightly as possible.
The crisp winter wind began to pick up whipping around us, as if it were a cold hand reaching out to slap us in the face. Little did the elements know; nothing could hurt worse than the dull ache that I felt in the pit of my stomach right now.
An eerie silence lingered around us, the early commotion dying out when the crowd dispersed and began to make their way back to their cars.
“It’s getting pretty chilly out here, huh? Why don't we make our way home, and I can start a fire and warm us up some hot chocolate?” I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Yay! Hot chocolate is my favorite,” he exclaimed.  
Back at the house, I sat cuddled up under a blanket with Dustin on the couch, watching the fire crackle and pop, illuminating the room with a dim amber glow.
I tried to clear my mind, but Sebastian kept on resurfacing in my head. Where we had met, how we fell in love, where we got married, and how things used to be before he joined the army. We used to be such a happy family, the three of us going everywhere together, simply happy to be alive. Now, everything was just so different.
I shook my head, attempting to clear away the thoughts of Sebastian that seemed to be constantly clouding it. “Why don’t you get ready for bed, buddy? I will be in there in a few minutes to tuck you in,” I said, tickling his stomach, which always seemed to make him laugh.
“Alright, sounds good Mommy,” he managed between giggles. When he was finally able to regain his breath, he stood up and walked into his bedroom.
I folded up the blanket we had been using and gathered up the hot chocolate mugs to put them in the sink to clean later. Then, I walked into Dustin's dinosaur themed bedroom, and kissed him goodnight.
“I love you, and I’ll always be with you. You know that right?” I asked him.
“Of course, Mommy, I love you too! Straight to the moon and back,” he exclaimed.
“Good bye Dustin,” I said turning off the light.
After the mentally exhausting day, I retreated to my bedroom for some much needed alone time, to just be at peace with my thoughts. Sebastian is the best husband a woman could ask for. He is always attentive, and he’s protected the family so well. Wow, I love him so much, I don’t know what I am going to do without him here.
As my thoughts began to grow darker, I realized that he may never return again; the idea of it almost killed me. Slowly I opened my night stand drawer, and shakily reached in grabbing ahold of the handgun Sebastian had me keep there in case of an emergency.
I placed the gun to my temple, whispered my love and luck to Dustin, and then pulled the trigger.
Dustin came racing into the bedroom after he heard the loud shot, screaming and shaking as he saw my lifeless body on the bed, blood pooling out of the wound in my head.
As he crumpled to the ground in fear and defeat, the front door swung open and there stood Sebastian, calling out to his family that he was home. His unit wasn’t needed. He couldn’t wait to see them.