The One That Peed. That's what I always have been, always will be. When I'm applying for jobs, my prospective employers will look at my name, then at me, then at my paperwork. Then they'll look back up at me and say, "You're The One That Peed, aren't you?" And then I'll turn bright red and I'll get rejected. When I die, my name, Theo Matthews, won't be written on my grave. It will say The One That Peed and that's how everyone will know me for all eternity. The One That Peed.
I probably should explain the nickname. See, when I was in the first grade, my whole class went on a field trip to this camp, Timber Mountain Ranch. We stayed up there for a week. On the very first day, I decided that I hated the bathrooms there. You would go in, and a wave of stench would nearly bowl you over. The toilet was a plywood stool with a hole in it that covered a deep, foul pit. The whole place was lined with flies. I pledged to myself that I would hold it in as much as possible so I could limit myself to going into that foul place as much as possible. After the first time, I decided I would never go in there again.
Three days passed and I was having a blast. We went hiking, had s'mores, and sang songs. I ended up having to go in that putrid outhouse only once more. It was on the fourth day that my life was destroyed. We had gone for a swim in the lake earlier, then laid out on the warm cement to dry. As I gazed into the hot sun, I realized I couldn't hold it any longer. I felt a warm trickle begin in my pants, and realized that it was already happening. I gulped and closed my eyes and hoped nobody would notice. "Fake it 'til you make it," I whispered again and again. "No one will notice if you lie perfectly still." Seven-year-old logic. As I lay there baking in the sun, I could feel my own piss spreading around me. It was so unpleasant, but I was determined not to move a muscle. Suddenly, a hand was yanking me up.
It was my counselor, the cool counselor, Nate. For cool kids only. I was a cool kid. I was a cool kid. Oh, the irony. "Oh, my God," he said. "Kid, what have you done?" I looked at him with wide eyes. Fake it 'til you make it. "What have I done?" Now everyone was looking at me, looking at the puddle behind me. Murmurs were starting to sound. "Let's get you cleaned up, kid," Nate said. He took me by the arm and led me back to my cabin. As we started to walk away, my best friend yelled, "Theo peed!" Everyone laughed. Everyone.
After I changed, I peed again. The dark stain of embarrassment spread across the crotch of my new blue jeans that my mom had gotten me for the trip. Again, I changed. And again, I peed. Nate took me to the nurse and she told me to go to the outhouse and I said no. So she stripped me down to just my underwear and had me lie on this cot covered in plastic. I peed three more times. After a few hours, I finally stopped. The nurse had me change again and drink a glass of water. "Do you think you can go back now, sweetheart?" she said. I nodded shamefacedly. "They're at dinner now. Do you want me to walk you to the mess hall?" To this, I shook my head vigorously. I needed to show some strength, salvage what scraps of my dignity I had left.
I walked down the path to the mess hall and pushed open the large wooden doors. I loved the mess hall. It was like a giant cabin, and it had a big fireplace where we would all sit in the evenings. The hall was warm and bright and cheerful, full of clanking and happy voices. It was a comfort to walk through those doors...for the first second, at least. But then everyone's eyes pointed at me and Nate said, "You're the one that peed, aren't you?" And I turned bright red as everyone began to guffaw. I ran out of that place to shrieks of, "The One That Peed!" "You're The One That Peed!" "Theo is The One That Peed!"
When the rest of my bunkmates came into our cabin, I tried to be invisible. But that didn't help. They poked me and prodded me and shoved me out of my bunk. My best friend, my very best friend in the whole world, Jake Brandon was his name, he kicked me, and he said those famous words: "You're The One That Peed." And from then on, I was The One That Peed.

Flash forward to the rest of elementary school. Formerly one of the constant team captains, I was now the last one picked for teams. In fact, the teacher would often have me sit out because everyone would fight about what team had to take me. No one wanted The One That Peed. Jake Brandon, once my best friend, was now my worst tormentor. Every time he saw me, he would sneer, "You're The One That Peed." And everyone would laugh and laugh because Jake Brandon was just so cool. I wanted to scream at them, scream at them about how I was once just so cool, too, but I couldn't. I couldn't. Because I was The One That Peed.
Peeboy. Pissface. The names came in phases. The older we got, the worse they became. But the one that always remained, always stuck with me, was The One That Peed. It was like it was tattooed on my forehead in big, black letters. I don't know how, but everyone, EVERYONE, knew who I was. Books became my best friends. I read them all. Then I read them again. And again. The characters in the books didn't know me. They didn't know that I was The One That Peed. If they did, I bet they would hate me too.
The worst part was I could have been cool. Right up there with Jake Brandon. I could have ruled the school with him. I could have gotten all the girls with him, been a football star with him. In fact, in first grade when we started playing football together, I was better than him. I'm smarter than him. In fact, I would probably be the dominant personality. I would be the top dog. All the girls would want to date me, just like they all want to date him even though we're only in middle school. Because I am The One That Peed.
Teachers never called on me. They called on Jake Brandon, and he made the class laugh and he was so smart, and he was just so cool. Look at me, I wanted to cry. I'm smart, too. I can be funny, if you'd let me. I could be just so cool. Oh, right. I'm The One That Peed. Never mind. Look away. I wish you'd just forget about me.
I got kicked off the local football team in second grade. It didn't matter that I was so good. That I was destined to be a champ. The other boys didn't like me. They wouldn't play if I was on the team. Because I was The One That Peed. All because I was The One That Peed. All because I refused to go in that damn outhouse. Instead, I did tricking. I was all alone. I begged and begged and my mom let me get a trampoline. She let me build a tumble track in our yard, and I went to the gym during open gym and kept to myself. I got good. When I was going over backwards, I could forget that I was The One That Peed. When I twisted through the air, Webster then b-twist then gainer then trick after trick after trick, it was just my body and the ground and the breath going through my lungs. I couldn't think about being The One That Peed. If I did, I would crash. I would snap my neck in two. When I tricked, I was Theo Matthews again.
Allison Sawyer didn't know that I was The One That Peed. Allison Sawyer. Allie. My Allie. Allie, Allie, Allie. She was the most gorgeous girl in the whole world. She had hair like water and eyes that sparkled in every color. Her skin was perfect and she had boobs. Allison Sawyer was the new girl in eighth grade, the kind that came and became queen bee on the very first day. But she walked up to me. She put her perfect little chin on my shoulder and said, "Whatcha reading?" And I was speechless and couldn't think and I had a rock in my pants. For the first time, I closed the book. And I talked to her. And I wasn't The One That Peed. I was me. And she asked my name all pretty and I said Theo Matthews and she said you're cute and I said I know and she laughed. And it was the most beautiful sound in the world. I just wanted to hear Allison Sawyer laugh forever and ever.
For the first time in a long time, I felt whole. Accepted. So I said to Allison Sawyer, I said, "I can do a backflip." And she got all excited and wanted to see. So I showed her, then got embarrassed because backflips are so easy. But now she was raving about how strong I was and how amazing it was that I could do that. In that moment, I was the biggest man in the world. Screw Jake Brandon and his goons. I was not The One That Peed, I was Theo Matthews and I was awesome.
But then there came Jake Brandon and he was handsome. He came up with his perfect black hair and his electric blue eyes that blew all the girls away. And I remembered who I was. But Allison, she told me to call her Allie, she was right there. So I kept talking to her all cool but I could see she saw Jake Brandon and he was going to take her away. So I kissed her. Right there. On the lips. And she kissed back. And then I closed my eyes and stroked her hair and I kissed her. Allison Sawyer, she knew how to kiss. She knew just how to move her mouth with mine and then tongue! But then bam there was fist and I saw stars.
"What're you doing, Pissbrain?" Jake Brandon sneered. Allison reapplied her lip gloss. I was The One That Peed again. "What're you doing, kissing my girlfriend?" My heart sank. "W-what?" I stammered pathetically. Jake Brandon kissed Allison Sawyer's perfect cheek tenderly. "We've been dating since summer. I came here to be with him," she told me. "Is this The One That Peed, Jake?" I was too horrified to even breathe. "Yes," said Jake Brandon. "Yes it is."
Allie was my neighbor. They had been renting a house over the summer, but when the school year started, they moved into the house right next to mine that had been for sale for two years seven months and nine days. Not like I was counting. Because I had better things to do. Allie had the window right across from mine and she had white gauzy curtains. My bed was right next to the window, and I would often climb out onto the roof and gaze into the stars and wish my life were different. And sometimes Allie's light would come on and I would see her shape laugh into the room. And I would watch her shadow move around the room and I would imagine what she was saying or thinking about. Then I would silently clamber back into my soft bed and take a sleeping pill because I had too many thoughts and I would go to sleep.
Allison Sawyer became the queen bee just like I thought she would. Her clothes became so provocative that she got sent to the principal's office many times. But she didn't get in trouble. Because she was Allison Sawyer, and she was dating the football star, Jake Brandon, and nothing could touch her. I was glad. I liked it when she wore that. But then I remembered it was for Jake Brandon and most of the other boys with him and I didn't like it so much anymore. Because Allison Sawyer didn't notice The One That Peed. After that first day, I was nobody. I was no longer the cool kid with the cute messy sandy hair and the sea-green eyes and the adorable smattering of freckles who could do flips and had muscles and was oh too awesome. I was The One That Peed.
One day Allison Sawyer came to school in a bikini that made her look so beautiful and declared it was Bikini Day, hadn't you heard? And then she made all the other girls strip to their bras and underwear because they forgot and it was the same thing right? None of the other girls were as beautiful as Allison Sawyer. They couldn't hold a candle to her radiance. Then one girl cried and Allison Sawyer was suspended. When she came back she dressed like a nun for a week and she was still so beautiful. But then she got suspended again. And this time when she came back, Allison Sawyer was a broken doll.
When Allison Sawyer walked into school the next time, her hair that looked like sun on the water was all cut off. She was wearing a black turtleneck and black sweatpants and taped glasses. She kept her head down and said nothing. A couple of her friends said they heard her crying alone in the bathroom at lunch. And Jake Brandon slumped in his seat because she said they couldn't be together anymore. After school, Allison Sawyer's dad grabbed her arm and marched her straight to his car and drove a mile. But then I saw her walking home in the cold in the bikini she wore to school. And her whole body was purple and black and blue. Allison Sawyer was broken.
That night, Allie sat on her roof, too, and she looked at the stars. I watched her silently, then asked, "What happened, Allison Sawyer?" Then Allie in all of her sad beauty looked at me and said, "You may be The One That Peed, Theo, but trust me, it's not nearly as bad as being The One Who Could Never Do Anything Right." With that, she climbed back into her room in her flannel pajamas and pulled her white gauze curtains tight shut.
I saw her shadow hunch over on her bed and I could still hear her sobs because her window was open. Then the shadow of her father came in and yelled, "You slut! You little b****! Why do I have to have YOU as a daughter?" And the words hurt me, even though they were for her. Then her father's shadow beat her with fists and a belt. And I felt every blow. Then her father told her he'd give her what she was asking for and she'd see how she liked it and she screamed that she didn't, she didn't. Then her father left and Allie was a broken shadow who sobbed through the night.
And the next morning at dawn when I woke up for school Allie's light was still on and there was a body hanging from her ceiling. Allie's shadow dangled from a noose and  I couldn't believe it. My Allie. She was dead. My Allie. Who I loved and admired. So strong, so beautiful. Her amazing laugh would never sound again. It was then I realized that all of these years, I had only focused on myself. How horrible my life was, when really it wasn't that bad. I just let myself think it was. How I could have turned it all around, if I had tried, but just resigned to wishing it had let itself happen differently. I could never have been cool. But that didn't even matter. Because Allie was dead and there were so many people who had it so much worse than me. So I cried and when my mom came in she asked what was wrong and she saw Allie and then she was comforting me when I didn't need to be comforted. Allie needed to be comforted. But it was too late now. It was too late now.
In school, they made an announcement. A lot of people cried. I read, because I had cried all my tears in the morning when I saw her shadow. Jake Brandon sat in silence, his handsome face blotchy and buried in his hands. And the rest of the people whispered. And whispered. Then the one girl who cried on Bikini Day whispered that maybe Allison Sawyer deserved it. Suddenly everyone was muttering and agreeing and disagreeing and saying she did it to herself and musing and I just wanted to yell at everyone to SHUT UP.  And then everyone was looking at me because I did. Someone had the audacity to ask, "Isn't that The One That Peed?" People were starting to titter when Jake Brandon, Jake Brandon looked up and said, "No, he's Theo Matthews. And he's right."
Silence. That was what followed. Silence. The girl who cried stood up, and she came over to me, and she said two words. "I'm sorry." That was all she said. Those two words moved mountains, and everyone, everyone felt it too. The bell rang and nobody moved except for Jake Brandon, who said, "Come on, Theo, I'll walk you home." So we parted in each other's grief.
Jake Brandon and I are not best friends. We are the two men who carry the same weight upon their shoulders, comrades, but strangers nevertheless. I am still The One That Peed, although that is less common now, and people have started calling me Theo. And talking to me again. They think it's cool, my tricking. I have fans. I will probably always be The One That Peed, but that's not a bad thing anymore. Now that I've known The One Who Could Never Do Anything Right, being The One That Peed is fine by me. It's who I am. And that's okay.