I’ll never forget my first kiss. I’ll never forget the sparks that were ignited, taking root in my belly and burrowing deeper into a place that has no name.
       His name was Jacob. I used to trace my fingers over the contours of his face, feeling the roughness of his skin against the silk of mine. His brown eyes held something beautiful, something that made my stomach clench, and my eyes water, and my hands shake.  He would laugh his melodic laugh that sounded like a perfect symphony, throwing his head back against the wind in a sort of carefree glee that I envied with a passion.
          “Look Hazel,” he would say, pointing to the sky, with its deep purple hues. “Isn’t that the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”
          I peered at him through my lashes, memorizing the way that his body was wrapped around me, firm and warm, and solid. I couldn’t help but think that he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Still, I sensed an underlying sadness, something that laid just beyond my reach. It was something heart-wrenching that I couldn't quite define, and it scared me.  He seemed to sense my gaze, and turned to me with a sort of goodness that made me burn from the inside.
                He held my face with his hands, so tenderly that you would think that he was trying not to break me.  “I want you to know, that whatever happens, you’re the best thing I’ve ever had.” And then we kissed, and it was sweet, and soft, and warmed me all the way to my toes. His lips tasted of home, and in that moment I knew that I would never want anyone else… And that was the way that I remembered him.
Jacob disappeared two weeks later. It was as if he had never existed; as if I had imagined him. It had always been easy for him to let go, never hesitating to look back when things got cloudy. I knew that he wasn’t happy here, living a life of mundane safety. He needed to feel the wind against his back, and the spray of seawater against the rocks, and to smell the earth in all its vibrant life. He had left a single note, addressed to me:
“ Sometimes life is just too beautiful to spend waiting on yourself.  I chose to leave it because I knew that I had to find myself alone. Exercise my demons. You’re the only one that could possibly comprehend this. I love you.”