Sometimes, I look back on my life and I try to point out all of the things remotely remarkable that has happened. Mostly, I come away empty handed. No one seems to understand the intensity of my deep despair. If they did understand, only then would they see how desperate I am to claw my way out of this darkness.
      All through my life, family members and friends have left me abandoned and alone. One would think that this would cause me to close off my heart to anyone who threatened to force their way into it. It's the complete opposite. I trust and love with all my heart when I should have learned by now to build up my walls. I have left my heart so vulnerable, that piece by piece it has slowly chipped away. Soon, I feel there will be nothing left, only an empty shell of a person.
      I don't blame anyone for leaving me. Although I wish they hadn't, I must learn to let go. 'Forgive and forget.'  Sadly that's easier said than done. I may forgive, but I will never forget. The fear of being left behind is still in the back of my conscience, causing me to be scared of the future when I should be thinking about life one day at a time.
      I've never been the person that everyone loves; I'm quiet and shy. When people pay interest to me, it excites me and I trust too much when it's best to trust too little. I tell people my secrets and expect them to accept me for who I am.
I don't think anyone knows how much I wish for close friends; for someone to talk me off that ledge or congratulate me when I've gotten a good grade. I understand that I'm not the only one who suffers from depression. Many others do too, but I believe that there are different depths to which the darkness takes us. One may feel just as bad as another, even if their situation is a hundred times worse.
     All I've ever wished for was someone to confide in, for someone to stay by my side through thick and thin. Each time my wish seemed to be granted, that person turned away and left. Like I was nothing but a blemish on their dashboard.
     So, to all you teenagers and people struggling with the heavy weight of this deep despair; I wish you luck in your great endeavors. Stay strong, the way I never could. I believe that you will do great things in your lifetime. Don't look to the future, live your life day by day and always remember that you are never alone.
                       Forever yours,
                                           E----