re-morse /r??môrs/ noun: deep regret or guilt for a wrong committed

"I knew it was a mistake the moment it was over. I never meant for it to happen," I say while imploring for her to believe me with my eyes, "I swear. She came up to me right after our fight. I was so angry at you and all I could think of was hurting you the way that only I am capable of."
"So it wasn't an accident? You just admitted that you did it with the intent to hurt me, Kaidan," she says.
"I did want to hurt you at the time Arabella. But the second you saw us I realized what a monumental mistake it was. Looking up at your face and seeing the utter betrayal and disbelief,” I look down and shake my head, “I knew it would hurt you, I just didn't realize how much."
"You said that you would never do it. That you didn't even look at anyone else, always telling me that it would only ever be me. Do you want to know the worst part?"
I start to open my mouth to respond but Arabella doesn’t give me the chance, "The worst part is that I actually believed you Kaidan. I believed that I was worthy of someone like you and that you would never tire of me. I believed that you felt the same way about me that I feel about you," she ends on a whisper.
"I suppose I was wrong. I really shouldn't be surprised. A gorgeous billionaire like you falling for a nobody that's just out of college with a major in English Literature. It was only a matter of time."
Looking at the despair in her eyes is slowly breaking me. "Arabella please. You know that's not true."
“Is it, Kaidan? We both know that you’re capable of it if you really want to be. How do I know that this won’t become a common occurrence?” She asks as her sadness begins to turn to anger.
I have absolutely no idea what to tell her so she’ll believe me. “You’re just going to have to trust me. She’s in the past. I’m done with her. Please, you just have to believe me. Knowing that I hurt you is destroying me.”
Shaking her head she starts to walk toward the elevator. Catching her wrist before she can take a step, I whisper, “Bells please. You’re the only one that I see. I feel the way you feel about me. You’re my mo-” She cuts me off with a slap so hard that my head whips to the side.
“Don’t you dare Kaidan Jared Grey! You don’t have to lie to me anymore. I know how you truly feel,” she starts to laugh as tears begin to pour down her face, “Beca was right, you were just using me the whole time! Yet here you stand, proclaiming your so-called ‘love’ for me, saying that you weren’t pretending the entire time. I’m so stupid for believing you, falling for you.” With that she steps into the elevator. “Goodbye Kaidan.”
All the air in my lungs disappears in one fell swoop and I fall to the ground. She left. She said she would never leave, but she left. I can feel my world darkening, and she hasn’t even been gone for three minutes. I can’t really blame her though. I acted like the world’s largest jerk and shattered her trust, even when I swore that I would never do anything to hurt her. Tears slowly start to trek down my face as I sit in the foyer. All the happy times we had together start to play through my mind like a movie.
I have no idea how long I sit there in my bubble of self-loathing before I hear a throat clear and a soft, “Sir, I took Miss Miles home.” Says Logan James, my head of security and personal body guard.
“How was she James?”
He hesitates before responding, “Very upset sir. She was in tears the whole way to her apartment.” After looking at me for a moment or two, he asks, “Permission to speak freely sir?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know what happened between you and Miss Miles after your fight earlier this evening, but you need to fix this. If you hurt her again, myself, and the rest of the staff, will quit, but not before I lay you out. Sir.”
Knowing that James is capable of ‘laying me out’, I reply, “I do need to make things right, and if I do, I swear that I won’t hurt her.” With a curt nod he turns on his heel and heads to the staff quarters.
That night--or should I say early morning as it was three am--when I finally fell asleep, I was plagued with the worst nightmare I’ve ever experienced.
‘Shaking her head she starts to walk toward the elevator. Catching her wrist before she can take a step, I whisper, “Bells please. You’re the only one that I see. I feel the way you feel about me. You’re my mo-” She cuts me off with a slap so hard that my head whips to the side.
“Don’t you dare Kaidan Jared Grey! You don’t have to lie to me anymore. I know how you truly feel,” she starts to laugh as tears begin to pour down her face, “Beca was right, you were just using me the whole time! Yet here you stand, proclaiming your so-called ‘love’ for me, saying that you weren’t pretending the entire time. I’m so stupid for believing you, falling for you.” With that she steps into the elevator. “Goodbye Kaidan.”
Catching her arm and pulling her back just before the doors close, I put my face directly in front of hers and say, “You said that you would never leave. Did you lie to me Arabella?”
“Kaidan, that was before I knew how messed up y-” She doesn’t get any farther in her sentence before the back of my hand connects with her cheek, sending her flying to the wooden floor. I kneel down and roughly grab her chin, “Don’t. You. Dare. I don’t appreciate being called names. All I did was ask if you lied to me. Now is the perfect time to confess.”
Ripping her face from my grasp, she snarls, “I never lied to you. You lied to me, remember? Went out with that little friend of yours, you know, the one that ‘means nothing’ to you? Completely betrayed my trust? Any of this ring a bell?” As soon as she finishes speaking I pick her up by her hair and slam her against the wall. My right hand raises and makes a crack as it hits her cheek. One. Two. Three times. I can see the absolute terror in her eyes as she screams for me to let go of her, but I laugh and continue to strike her.’
I wake in a cold sweat and immediately roll out of my gargantuan bed. I start to dry heave violently as I recall the dream. She was screaming for me to stop and I laughed. The fear in her eyes will forever be etched into my mind. I have to make this right. I won’t last a day without her. Grabbing my phone off of my nightstand I call James and tell him to have the car ready in fifteen minutes. I then take a record breaking shower, and grab the first clothes I see before running down to the garage. James gets in the driver’s seat.
“Arabella’s. As quickly as you can.” With that James pulls out of the garage and drives as quickly as traffic will allow him to her apartment.
When we arrive, I sprint up the seven flights of stairs to her apartment and start banging on the door. It only takes her a minute to arrive. When she sees me, her face goes white as a sheet.
“What do you want?” She asks coldly.
“I came to apologize. Again.” I say with a look of despair.
“I think everything that needs to be said between us has been said Kaidan.”
“No, you don’t understand, you have to believe me when I say that this will never happen again. Just let me explain. Please.” I say, and see her warm up toward me slightly.
“Fine,” she says, “but come in first. I don’t think my neighbors need to hear this conversation.” I step into the apartment that I have become extremely familiar with and sit on the couch.
“Arabella, as you know, I didn’t have the best introduction to life before Maria and Jonathan adopted me. Because of that, I’ve always assumed that things would have to go wrong for me. I mean, something has to be wrong with me. If my own birth mother didn’t love me, then why should anyone else?”
Arabella places her hand on my knee, “There is not anything wrong with you. Your mother was a young and overwhelmed teenager that made the wrong decisions. You are a very intelligent, compassionate man.”
I squeeze her hand and give her a small smile before continuing, “So I guess the other night I decided that the best thing that had ever happened to me was disappearing, and there was nothing I could do. At the time I thought I was making your decision to leave me easier. I now realize that I was wrong, and not only did I hurt you, I betrayed your trust as well. For that I am deeply and truly sorry. I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me. It’s the least of what I deserve.” I say as I start to make my way toward the door. A small hand on my bicep stops me.
“Kaidan, what you did was wrong, and we both know that. I know how hard it is for you to admit when you have done something wrong, and even harder to come and apologize.” She says softly.
“Nothing was harder than watching you leave yesterday.”
“While I know how hard that was for you, you must stop will all your self loathing. It hurts me to see you speak about yourself in such a way.”
“Look, you know me well enough to know that my first response is to start with my self pity. It’s what I do. What I did,” I stop and shake my head, “I regret it more than anything. If I could go back in time and change what I did I would in a heartbeat. If you give me another chance, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.” 
She eyes me for a moment before responding, “You better start working now then, because that little speech was very persuasive. If you don’t live up to it, I will be disappointed.”
A huge smile breaks out on my face. “Really?”
She chuckles and smiles back at me before answering, “Yes Kai. Really.” I lift her up and spin around while she giggles.
“I love you Arabella Kennedy Miles.” I whisper into her hair. She lifts her head from the crook of my neck and smiles bigger than I’ve ever seen.
“I love you too stupid.”