Anti-Depressants | Teen Ink


December 18, 2008
By Taylor Cutshall SILVER, Westminster, Colorado
Taylor Cutshall SILVER, Westminster, Colorado
8 articles 0 photos 0 comments

So then he asked me, "How do you stay so happy all of the time? With all of the issues you've gotten through, with all of the stress that must have accompanied all that you've accomplished, how do you find the energy to act so crazy? How do you find that smile on your face? Is it meditation?"

"Meditation's boring. I'm not going to lie to you."

He wasn't discouraged. "A good diet?"

"Are you kidding? It's preservatives all the way for me, friend."

Blank stare. "Well then what is it? Tell me there's a secret."


"You have got to be kidding me." He threw down his notepad. He had quite obviously given up on me. "I've looked up to you for all this time and all that you can give me is more medication, more of this unnatural crap we're putting into our bodies to slowly mold us into the generic human being, the quote-unquote perfect person with no feelings and no ideas and not a sliver of rebellion in our bones? How could you do this to me? You of all people? Was it not you who said that it was the government's goal to sedate the people so that they could not grow or think? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Well I have this bucket of anti-depressants in the garage. And whenever I feel stressed out or confused, I go out there and sit on my work bench and open the lid of the white bucket. Blinding white light shines from it and I set it on the floor and I slip inside of it. Once you're in this bucket, this safe place, you can just breathe. There's nothing but you and the light and it calms you down because you realize that it's possible to just be. You need no label. Your achievements will never be what define you. It's simply your job to listen to your soul and to let yourself be who you know you are and there is, at that point, absolutely no reason to think about your life and where it's heading anymore. Wherever it ends up, you know that you will still be you. Just breathe in that pure light and you will have everything you need to grow. Just let yourself become separate from this stress. You don't need it, it needs your insecurities, your need to appear to be a great person and a successful person, to thrive and to breed and to evolve into something that will suffocate your brain and replace it with a nervous pulse whose only job is to push you forward and off the cliff. Once I've separated myself from these evils, I find the bucket's opening, pull myself out, and take a nap in the sunshine. I find that anti-depressants have been given too terrible an image, personally. I think they work just fine." I paused. "I guess if it's night, a nap in the moonlight works fine too, but if there's no moon you're simply out of luck. This hasn't happened to me yet, though, so I'm not sure."

He looked at me. Not puzzled, not angry; he simply looked. He then hugged me, picked up his notepad, and left.

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