"Ali am I still coming over?" as I hung up the phone, I looked over at my mom "just got her voice mail."
"Don't let it get to you. It’s honestly not your fault." My mom said in a, I don't care voice.
"Mom you don't understand! I shouldn't have told her that her boyfriend cheated on her. Mainly because I knew she wouldn't believe me.” As I took a short pause, I realized I should just go over to her house, it’s not even that long of a walk. “Mom, I'm going over there."
(Calling Ali)
"Hello this is Ali either I couldn't come to the phone right now or you’re just annoying, so I didn't answer. Anyways you can leave a message if you want to." Ali is this typical teenage drama queen type. She thinks the world revolves around her. Ali and I are nothing alike. She wears skirts and dresses, I wear basketball shorts and jeans.
As I finally arrived at her house, I walked past the big yard to check the front door. Of course it's locked. I ring the doorbell, but as I am waiting outside I realized Ali’s cat Baxter is outside. It doesn’t make sense to why Baxter is outside, He is an inside cat.
“Baxter” I called his name so I could pick him up, before he takes off.
I rang the doorbell one more time, still no answer. I knew the reason why nobody is answering, it’s because Ali is the only one home. Lucky me, I know the secret way in. I walk around to the back door and grabbed the trash can. In the trash can there are a secret empty gum wrapper that is taped to the bottom of the can, with a house key in it. I unlocked the door, before I invited myself in I yelled "Ali it's me, Skyler ..." Still no answer, so I just walked in.
As I start to walk through the rooms, there is literally no sounds besides my slippers I'm dragging on the floor. I finished walking through all the rooms downstairs "Ali? This isn't funny" I said frantically.
I’m getting worried, she was supposed to be home. She’s the type of girl that when she's upset she'll find a way to get back at you for what you did... Which got me thinking. Maybe she's planning a trick to pop out somewhere and scare me. As I start to get really nervous, I walk towards the stairs. Still I haven’t seen her or even heard a noise. I go upstairs to get it over with, "Come on Ali! Jump out and scare me, get your little payback over with." I keep checking the rooms. I check her mom’s room, the game room, and her little sister’s room. Still there is complete silence and no one to be found.
As I stand in silence, not knowing what to do, or where to go I realized I forgot to check the bathrooms and closets that are upstairs. This isn’t like Ali, she never breaks the rules. Where is she? I haven't checked her room, but she's never in there, why would she be in there now? As I walked into Ali's room, I see an empty pill bottle with three pills laying on her bed, "why is this there?" Now I am completely freaking out, and not for the reason I was earlier. "Ali, please come out!" I screamed with a crack in my voice from holding back tears.
I thought back to when we were thirteen and at my birthday party, we played a game called 20 questions with two other girls. Someone had asked her if you were to "kill yourself were would it be?" sense Ali is the popular, fashion, drama queen type, of course her answer was in her closet. She said she would be with what she loves. As I thought about that moment, tears started rolling down my face. "Please don't be in there. Ali please?" I said under my breath. I walked to her closet slowly. I was in pain my chest hurt from crying and screaming. I was crying so much that I could smell the mascara running down my cheeks. I finally opened the closet door and there she was. I felt my heart stop, I couldn't even cry anymore. It was like my body shut down on me, I was so scared. She was just hanging there, she looked so helpless. She had blood running down her arms and legs from cuts she had given herself for the very last time. Her face was a purple, blue color. She had drool running down from her mouth, and throw up on the floor. Which made it seem as if she was struggling to get down, because she regretted her decision. Her cheeks were puffy and had mascara all over them, as if she had been crying. I can honestly say that even in all that mess, she still looked absolutely beautiful. I even noticed she changed her clothes, I’m guessing it was so she wouldn’t get blood on her favorite outfit.
I will never forget that day. The pain I had felt in my chest from crying, and the burning sensation I had in my throat from screaming, is unforgettable. The worst pain of all from that day, has to be the mental pain. It took me awhile to realize that I am never going to be able to hear her voice again, or even hug her. The only thing I am left with is memories and spending every moment of each day, wandering what if I made it to her house sooner. Most of all I am more confused and angry. I am jealous of anyone that has a best friend/sister. I ask myself all these questions that I will never get the answers to. So really I am left with a lot of unnecessary pain. It just feels so s*****, and un-fair. I just feel all these emotions, when I think about it, so I try not to think about it. Yet, if I don’t think about it, then I can’t work my way through it. Just working through it sucks, there is just so much of it everywhere. It influences who you are, a before and after this event that Ali did, now I am a different person, and I don’t know if it’s for the better or for the worse.
I just want you to know that I hate you for putting me through all this pain. I miss talking to you, and hugging you, spending every second with you. I just miss my best friend. I love you Ali, R.I.P