I remember March 18th like it was yesterday. It was the day that changed my life. That was the day I realized how bad of a life I had lived and that I needed to make a bunch of changes, and soon.

As I layed in the kitchen floor with a needle in my hand and a bottle of pills scattered around me i heard the sounds of a siren and my best friend, Logan yelling “Mya!! Please get up!!” as she shook me rapidly. Then I remember seeing paramedics run through the door, then I blacked out.

When i woke up I was in the hospital with 3 IVs in my arm and a breathing mask over my face. I looked to my right and there in a chair sat Josh, my boyfriend sitting beside Logan. They were both crying, but as I went to ask what was wrong the Doctor came in. He said “Hello Mya, my name is Doctor Greene, I have some shocking news to tell you.” I looked at him with a puzzled look and he glanced over at Josh then back at me “Is that your boyfriend??” He asked. I smiled at Josh and replied “Yes. We have been dating 2 years.” I replied. Doctor Greene smiled and said “Well i have some news to tell you. Would you like them to leave??” “No, I want both of them to stay” I said hesitantly. “Okay. Well we had to run some test on you and it turns out you are 27 weeks pregnant..”

I was appalled at the news I was pregnant. I didn't want kids, especially in the condition I was in!! I had been on hardcore drugs since I was 13 and I just turned 17 in November. I turned to the Doctor with tear filled eyes and asked “What about all the drugs?? Will they affect the baby?? Is the baby okay??” He looked profoundly at me and replied “We won't know until it is born. There is a good chance that the baby is going to suffer from your drugs.” At this point Logan, Josh, and I were all crying. The Doctor said “I am so sorry.” and left the room.

At 6:49 p.m. a nurse came into the room wheeling an ultrasound scan and heart monitor with her. She was about 24 and she was also pregnant, she looked about 35 weeks. She smiled and said “Hey, I am Nurse Jones. I will be doing an ultrasound to see how things are and then hooking you up to see the heart rate of your baby.” I watched as she squirted the cold ultrasound jelly on my belly. She took the ultrasound camera and stuck it to my belly. She moved it around until we could see the baby, when she got it to the baby she realized she didn't hear a consistent heartbeat. She looked at me with a startled look and said “This isn't good. I can't hear a constant heartbeat.” She hooked me to the heart monitor and we watched as the baby's heartbeat was barely beating. She ran out to get Doctor Greene. He came in with two other people and told me we had to get the baby out as soon as we can. The two people that came in with me started giving me shots and putting things into my IV. “They are giving you pain medicine and an anesthesia that is going to put you to sleep because we have to do an emergency cesarean.” I remember getting wheeled out of my room in the bed and then i was conked out.

When I woke up I remember looking around and seeing Josh sitting at the foot of the bed holding my hand. I was in pain and I felt groggy. I scanned the room looking for the baby but I didn't see it anywhere. I turned to Josh and asked “Where is the baby?? Was it a boy or girl?? Was it healthy?? How much did it weigh??” He replied “It was a boy. He was 3 pounds 9 ounces and 15 inches long. He is premature and can't eat or breathe alone, so they had to put him on a feeding tube and a ventilator.” My eyes filled with tears “When can I see him??” Right about that time a nurse pushed in an incubator with my son in it. He was little and fragile with purplish pink skin. His head was bigger than his body. He was attached to a monitor, ventilator, feeding tube, and a lot of wires. I couldn't believe he was going to suffer because of my mistakes. “What is his name??” asked the nurse. “Alex. Timothy Alex” I replied with a slight smile.

How was I going to raise him?? I was just 17 and Josh was 21. When I was 13 I started drugs, my parents sent me to a home that dealt with teenagers like me. When I was put there I had been dating Josh for a 3 months. After about 8 days of being there I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. At 12 weeks pregnant I lost the baby. I was very hurt from the loss so after that I didn't want kids anymore so I went back to drugs to block out the pain. Logan was another girl in the home who became my best friend. She was 2 years older than me and when I moved into the home she had already given birth to a girl who was 6 weeks old. I didnt want to end up like her, I seen how she has 2 jobs and struggles to give her daughter a good life. I knew I was in for it.

As I looked into the incubator I decided right then and there I was done with drugs and I was going to try my best to get a job and give Alex the life he deserves. I had already made him suffer enough. It was time to grow up, I was a mom now and this was my son. I knew we could make it, I just wasn't sure how. I stared at this little miracle attached to all the monitors, tubes, and wires and wondered “Is he going to be okay??”