My name is Lucy Carris.

I have a crush on my best friend.

I’ve never been kissed.

My best friend has divorced parents.

My grandma is dead.

I have cancer.

I have two weeks to live.

*
*
*

My life is a storm. Clouds and darkness, penetrated by a single ray of sunshine. That single bit of bright warmth is found in my best friend. Alex is like no one else. He is able to pull away the dark clouds, even if just for a moment. It’s in those lighted moments that I truly live.

My final wish in these last two weeks, is to tell Alex how I feel. I want him to know of the jealousy when he talks to other girls, the pain when he’s away from me. All the comfort that he has provided has led up to this. He wiped my tears when my grandma died. He held me throughout the chemotherapy. He has been there, whether I asked or not.

I walk down the dim hallway of my house, knowing Alex just came over. This last month has been hard for the two of us. Knowing that this world is fading around you, and having no way to stop it.

I can see the light of the living room pop on. Butterflies creep into my stomach, the usual feeling I get when I see Alex. I cautiously step into the living room, taking in Alex’s natural beauty. His brown hair that perfectly frames his face. Bright blue eyes with a soft gaze. Chiseled features that girls fawn over.

“Hey Lucy!” Alex exclaims, showing off his bright smile.

“Hi,” I respond hesitantly.

He can sense my hesitation. He can sense the tension that I’m bringing to the conversation. He always can.

His features shift into a look of concern. “Everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” I tell him, “ Everything’s fine.”

He gives me a weird look, knowing that I’m lying. “Well….. Since everything’s okay, do you want to watch your favorite movie?”

“Sure. I guess.”

“Okay. Look, what’s going on? You've been acting really weird lateIy. I know I shouldn’t be bringing this up, but you aren’t going to be here in two weeks. I’m trying to give us some good memories before it's all over.”

I hadn’t been expecting this as his response. His face was red now, exasperated from his little speech.

“Okay," This might be my only chance, "I have to tell you something.”

“Finally! What is it?”

I feel like throwing up. I hadn’t planned it this way. But this is what I wanted right? To tell Alex how I feel? I have to do this. This could be my only chance. My only chance to hold onto my light.

“Alex I- See I- UGH! I can’t do this,” I shout.

" Hey, hey. Calm down," Alex starts," It's just me. You can tell me anything."

I start to shake my hands back and forth,” Alright, let me start over.”

I look up at Alex, straight into his light blue eyes. "Alex, I like you. A lot."

*
*
*

She likes me? Me? The boy who writes about death? The boy who can't keep a straight face? Me?

I look at Lucy, expecting it all to be a joke. Expecting her to start laughing any moment now. But she doesn't.

"Lucy, you're serious? You really like... Me? Of all people?" I ask her, still expecting her to be joking.

"Yes Alex. I've liked you for a while."

I rub the back of my neck with my hand. I would never have expected this, ever.

"Lucy," I begin, "I don't like you. I-"

"I KNEW IT! I knew you didn't like me!" Lucy screams," I shouldn't have told you."

“Lucy wait! Let me finish, please,” I ask her.

Lucy cuts me off with her coughing.

Lucy crouches over and starts coughing in her hand.

"Lucy! Lucy are you okay?!"

She can barely speak through the coughs. "No- I- It's hard to breathe."

"Um, you're going to be fine, okay? Just hang on!"

Then the blood starts. Her coughing is bringing blood up and onto her shirt. I quickly take out my phone and dial 911, giving them the details as quickly as possible.

"Alex- I- I'm not going to make it," Lucy states.

"No! Don't say that! You'll be fine," I tell her.

I sit in front of her, on my knees. I grab her and hold her to me, hoping against all odds that she'll make it. Lucy's shaking against me, her coughs wracking her body. Her breathing is becoming labored. Shes fading in front of me and I can do nothing to stop it.

"Please hold on Lucy," I plead, crying now.

"I'm- trying," She tells me in between coughs.

The seconds tick into minutes, each moment bringing Lucy closer to the end.

"Alex? I- can't- see- you! Where- are- you? Alex!"

I hold her tighter, trying to reassure her of my presence. "I'm right here! The ambulance is almost here. Just hold on. Please."

"Alex, it's over. My vision is blurry. I'm gone Alex."

Lucy is crying too now. We share in each other's tears, waiting for the end.

"Alex? Good-bye."

"Lucy! No! Lucy please stay with me!"

Another wave of coughing and blood overtake her.

"Lucy! Please stay with me! You're my best friend! Please stay!"

I hear knocking at the door.

I quickly stand and run to the door, letting in the paramedics.

"Please, please help her!" I plead to them.

A group of three moves in, putting Lucy on a gurney, still coughing.

My heart is pounding with anxiety. I have no idea whether my best friend will survive this. I have no idea what's going to happen. I may walk out of this alone.

The gurney is pushed onto the ambulance, lights and sounds filling all my senses. A woman climbs in the back with Lucy, trying to keep her heart beating. Seconds pass, then minutes. I stand outside the house, wondering why it hasn’t made a single move toward the hospital.

My breathing was heavy, and my knees were weak as I watched a woman, in blue reach into the ambulance and turn off the sirens.

"What's going on?! What are you doing?! Turn it back on! Get her to the hospital!" I scream at them, not understanding what they're doing.

The same woman who turned off the sirens came and a hand on my shoulder. "Sir, she's not going to survive this. She only has a few moments, you might want to say whatever good bye you need."

I'm almost at tears. But I can't cry now, I have to be strong in these last few moments with Lucy.

I walk up to the ambulance and step inside the back, sitting on the cold metal bench.

Lucy is hooked up to a heart monitor that beeps in time with her slowing heartbeat.

"Lucy? Are you okay?"

"Alex? Goodbye Alex," Lucy says to me.

"No! Lucy I have to tell you something! I don't like you."

Another fit of coughing overtakes her.

"Alex- I- know. Just- stop- pushing- it. Good-bye Alex."

And just as the heart monitor stops beating, I whisper, "I don't like you, I love you."