November 19, 2001. The day Charlotte will never forget and will always burn a hole in her memory. It will forever affect her in a way no one could possibility understand. This day, November 19th, was the day her brother, Austin, was rushed to the hospital. Charlotte was only ten years old when it happened. Her age did not matter; she knew exactly what was happening. Austin going to the hospital was a pretty routine occurrence for her family. But this time it felt different. Charlotte had always been extremely scared of ambulances, so this only added to the traumatic event.


Austin was rushed to the hospital due to fatigue and night sweats. On their own, these symptoms don’t seem like a big deal. But when they don’t stop, something must be wrong. Austin was twelve years old. He had no idea what was going on. It was almost as if he wasn’t there. He was in his own world. Austin was in so much pain, he just couldn’t think straight.

Charlotte, with her blonde hair in perfect pigtails sat there in the dark hospital room. Charlotte felt paralyzed as she latched on to her dad’s leg. She wrapped her legs around his right leg and gripped tightly. She felt like the entire world was holding her down. Her mom was gripping Austin’s hand who was lying in the hospital bed. She tried to hold it together. After about ten minutes she erupted in tears, soon she was sobbing uncontrollably.

“What was going to happen to Austin?” Charlotte thought to herself. “Was he going to be okay? Could I stay strong even if Mom was gushing tears?”

The hospital room was uninviting. Charlotte would never forget what it looked like. The hospital bed dominated the room along with a bedside table. It was cramped, barely enough room for herself and her parents. The room desperately wanted to look like a real bedroom but it couldn’t. It lacked personality. The decorations looked old and dusty, old framed pictures of flowers and crosses. “How could someone have hope that they were going to recover, when it already looked like you were inside your funeral home?” Charlotte thought to herself.

Austin had been told prior to this hospital experience that he was a very likely candidate for leukemia although they had not confirmed it. Going into the hospital he had not been officially diagnosed. When the doctor at the hospital diagnosed him, he mentioned if it got really bad, they have a better hospital treatment for leukemia in Los Angeles. The doctor said that might be a very likely possibility that might happen to Austin and they would have to move.

Charlotte decided she needed to get out of that stupid hospital room. She ended up going for a walk down to the cafeteria. She wanted a cupcake; she needed to get her mind off Austin. Charlotte had to walk down the hall to the cafeteria by herself. When she walked down, she passed by all sorts of different sick children. Some roamed the hallways with their parents in wheelchairs connected to oxygen tanks. Some children couldn’t even leave their room or even move a leg for that matter. Seeing all these sick children did not comfort her. Charlotte knew Austin didn’t belong here. Inside her mind, Austin was not as sick as all these other kids. She had been told how sick he really was, that he was diagnosed with cancer, but she couldn’t get herself to come to terms with it.

Charlotte finally got her vanilla cupcake with pink frosting and sprinkles. She had been craving something sweet ever since she got to the hospital. Charlotte headed back to the Room 207, Austin’s room. As she got closer and closer to the room, she heard a wail. She couldn’t tell where it was coming from. Then Charlotte saw her dad run out of the room and head toward the elevator. He had his coat in his hand swinging behind him while his car keys were in the other hand. “What could be possibly going on?” Charlotte whispered to herself.

When Charlotte finally arrived to the room, she walked in with a face of terror. Austin was in tears. He didn’t bring his writing journal. He never went anywhere without his writing journal with him. That was the only thing that brought him happiness. Austin knew having his writing journal would be his only hope of surviving. He couldn’t last in the hospital for god knows how long without his journal, let alone fight cancer.

Two weeks passed. Charlotte missed her big brother. She would go and see him but nothing was the same. He was fighting for his life. He was in war, a battle. Austin was determined to beat out cancer; there was nothing he wanted more. He had always been a determined person. Charlotte believed he could do it. She had no idea what she would do if he lost this battle. So she had to believe it. For her own sake.

Charlotte’s outlet to all this insanity was horseback riding. Charlotte’s horseback riding is the only thing that kept her from going crazy. Her relationship with her horse, Sunshine was unexplainable. Charlotte got Sunshine for Christmas, the first Christmas with Austin battling cancer. She decided to name her horse Sunshine because it brought sunlight into her dark life. Sunshine lived with Charlotte in her backyard in Kentucky. He had his own stable, where Charlotte would visit if she were stressed, sad, or scared. She couldn’t talk to her mom about Austin without her bursting into tears. Charlotte couldn’t handle seeing her mom cry. Every time she did Charlotte lost a little ounce of hope that Austin would be okay. Sunshine was always there to listen to Charlotte when no one else was. Sunshine was her only friend. When she was riding Sunshine it felt as if her life was on pause. Nothing in the world mattered. She got to clear her head and just do something she enjoyed, riding.

After four weeks in the hospital in Kentucky. Austin was transferred to a hospital in Los Angeles that focused more on the kind of cancer he had, leukemia. This meant that his entire family packed up their lives and moved across the country to Los Angeles. His parents didn’t even give it a second thought. All they wanted was for their baby boy to be healthy again and they would do anything. They sold the farm in Kentucky to head out to the big city, Los Angeles in hopes of finally finding some answers. Even if Austin did recover, they could never go back to Kentucky. It had too many awful memories of Austin’s sickness that could not be forgotten. This would be a good change of scenery, which his parents desperately needed.

Charlotte did not like the idea of moving and was very selfish even if she would never admit it. She wanted Austin to be healthy again but she didn’t want to move across the country. She had lived in Kentucky her entire life, in her house on the farm was where she has all her memories with Austin. She wasn’t only moving; she was losing all previous memories with Austin. It was like her past was being ripped away from her. Charlotte couldn’t believe this was all happening, that Austin was so sick, which made the entire family needed to move across the country. She knew her parents wouldn’t move without it being the only choice.

When she moved to Los Angeles she lived in apartment with her parents. They could no longer afford a house with the expensive hospital treatment. That meant that Sunshine had to live in a stable with other horses in Los Angeles. This stable was around 3-4 miles away, which was a hard change for Charlotte. Sunshine was not always there to talk to. She needed her parents to drive her there. With her parents spending more and more time with Austin she almost never saw Sunshine. This made her go crazy and she had no escape anymore. She was alone, herself against the world.

Austin came in and out of hospital and went through multiple treatments. Nothing was working. The doctors were losing hope. Her parents were losing hope. Everyone around her was losing hope. Even Austin was losing hope. This made Charlotte feel almost as if she was suffocating with all the pessimism.

Charlotte was not ready to lose her brother. She couldn’t picture life without his bright smile. His sparkling blue eyes and wonderful personality. Even through all this pain he had been put under, every time Charlotte came in to visit him he had a new joke for her. She would hold his hand for the entire time; nothing could make her let go. Her dad would literally pick her up and pull her away once it was time to go. Austin would smile and wave goodbye as he watched Charlotte leave with a tear streaming down her face. Once she was finally out of the room, Austin would whisper, “I love you.” He knew she couldn’t hear him, but it made him feel better. Every time Charlotte left Austin, she knew it could be the last time she talked to him. Austin had a rough month. He wasn’t looking like he could get better anytime soon. That’s why she never wanted to leave him. What if she came back the next day and he was gone? Then what?

Charlotte tried to never cry in front of Austin. But Austin knew she was suffering just as much as he was. She might not have been suffering physically but emotionally. He felt so bad that he made their parents buy her little gifts that would be from him. Austin was more mature then most kids his age. He always treated Charlotte like a princess because he knew his time with her was now limited. Austin told their parents exactly where to put the gift in the apartment. Charlotte would cry every time she received one of these gifts. Not because she wasn’t thankful. Charlotte cried because she loved her brother so much.

When Charlotte couldn’t come and visit him. Austin would write her little notes to remind her how much he loved her. In the middle of writing one of these notes to Charlotte, he felt sicker then ever. He quickly finished the note. He stopped still holding the note, closed his eyes. This time when he closed his eyes, he would never open them again. It was 2 o’clock in the morning and his mom was there to guide him through his death by just squeezing his hand and praying very hard. Charlotte was asleep, dreaming at home.

The next morning Charlotte and her dad came to the hospital to see her dead brother lying on the hospital bed. Her mom requested that Austin’s body to stay the night at the hospital before being moved out. Charlotte couldn’t keep herself together anymore. She had been holding it in for so long, in hopes of Austin recovering. But he didn’t recover. He lost the battle. It was done. Over. Charlotte started sobbing and she couldn’t stop. It was real. It was happening. Her dead brother was right in front of her. She didn’t know what to do or what to say. She jumped up on the bed with him and laid down next to him. Charlotte said to him, “You may have lost this battle but don’t worry I still think you are strong.” Those were her last words to him even though he couldn’t hear her. She began to jump down from the bed and stepped on something hard. Charlotte picked it up, it was his writing journal, she quickly flipped to the last page. Charlotte wanted to know what the last thing he wrote was.

The last note he ever wrote to Charlotte was this:
Dear Charlotte,
I am so sad that you weren’t able to visit me today. I know that you are probably doing something a lot more exciting anyways. Like homework or visiting Sunshine. I love that horse so much you know. He really seems to be able to take care of you when I can’t. But I just wanted to write to you and tell you that I love you. I am so thankful to have an amazing sister like you. You have really changed me. Although you don’t think you have. I feel as though my time is getting closer and closer to go flying with the angels. I know that’s something you don’t want to hear. But it will be better for everyone. I won’t be in pain and you will get your life back. Please be there for Mom and Dad when that time comes. I don’t want them sobbing all day everyday. Don’t waste the rest of your life dwelling on my death. I know you are going to do major things with your life. You are going to be successful and I want to hear all of it. I will be there watching over you. Make sure to bring some funny stories with you when you join me in heaven. I will always save a spot for you. I will be waiting. I love you!
Love, Austin (Your favorite brother)

Charlotte finished reading the note. She had no words. She had no thoughts. She just smiled. Charlotte then whispered “I love you Austin, don’t worry one day I will be an angel too! Just you wait. Please don’t forget about me.”