If you really want to experience that one-of-a-kind look of disappointment from your parents you will only need one day. Start off strong: ditch school. Don’t even try calling yourself out. Take the cuts; take the hours of detention. Better yet, make sure your parents check their email and open the one from the attendance office. Keep the phone near them; let them answer the call from school ratting you out. When they ask why you weren't in school, do not tell them it must be a mistake. Make sure you roll your eyes and throw your head back, groaning. Tell them you didn’t feel like going. Tell them school sucks. Tell them you don’t even want to go to college-- that’ll get them.

When your mother is at her busiest, doing laundry, washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, do not offer to help. Lay down on the couch as she is on her knees scrubbing the floor and yell, “What’s for dinner”? When she doesn’t answer you the first time, ask her again, raising your voice. She will look up from the floor with an annoyed expression and tell you to make something yourself. Make sure you give her a disgusted face. Slump to the kitchen, dragging your feet behind you. Open every cabinet and the fridge, pretending to look for something to eat. When you decide on a bag of chips, walk back to the couch leaving every cabinet and the fridge wide open for your mom to close. As she complains about the mess in the kitchen, put your headphones on and blast your music. Zone your mother out.

How do you piss off your dad? Easy. He’s outside fixing your car. Walk over to him as he’s underneath the car changing the oil. Ask him what he’s doing. When he tells you, do not thank him or offer to help. When he asks you to hand him a tool, kick it to him. Ask him how long it will take till he’s done. When he tells you about twenty minutes stomp your foot and tell him thats too long. Tell him to hurry up because you want to go over to your friend’s house. He will lose his temper and call you ungrateful. He will come out from under the car leaving it unfinished and storm inside the house.

Phase one complete.

Plan to do something illegal tonight, and plan to get caught. Check Twitter, check Facebook, find a party. Make sure this party is not just a movie and popcorn kind of get together. If you find a party with alcohol, that’s your best bet to accomplish your goal of the day. If your parents have never suspected you of drinking, this will be a huge shocker and make their disappointment sky rocket. When you find a party to go to, you have to pick an outfit to wear. DO NOT wear an outfit you would wear to a family party. Wear something your parents would never approve of. Show your skin; parents hate when you expose too much. Tell your parents you’re going to your best friends house. Pick the friend they like the most; they won’t suspect anything. When you leave your house, give your parents the illusion that you're actually going to your best friend’s house. This will amplify their shock later.

When you leave your house, find somewhere to change into your scandalous outfit. When you arrive at the party, forget your conscience telling you to stop, forget the morals your parents have been teaching you for years, and let loose. Drink as much free beer as you can get, even though you hate the taste. When your body begins to feel light and out of your control, know you are almost done. Maybe you can only handle half a cup, but hey you're in high school so you probably think you're blacked. More and more people will come to the party. It will begin to get out of control. Glasses and home decorations will be broken. You will hear some kids yelling that the cops are coming. Stay, do not run. Do not leave the party. Keep drinking, playing beer pong, and dancing.
When everyone is running out the back doors to hop the fence and get the hell out of there, you should walk out the front door. When you do, the cops will be right outside waiting for you. Stumble around while you walk up to them, even though you're probably sober. Ask the cop that looks like the biggest *ss if he’d like to play a round of beer pong with you; tell him you're the BP champion.

No doubt, you will get handcuffed. You may even be shoved into the back of a police car. Complain that the plastic seats in the back of the cop car are uncomfortable. When you arrive at the police station do not show any respect. Look down when the officers are questioning you. Ignore them when they ask you questions.

They will have you call your parents. You will call them on the police station’s phone so the caller ID at home gives your parents a heart attack. You will explain what happened in short, careless sentences. When they come to the station to pick you up, they will not even look you in the eye. They will have the most pissed off looks on their face as they talk with the officers. When you leave the station, prepare for an awkward, silent car ride home. Finally, when you pull into your driveway, walk into your home, and sit at the kitchen table to talk with your parents, that is when you will get the look. That is when the goal of utter disappointment will have been fully, unforgettably accomplished.