I never got to really know her. Yeah I visited her in the nursing home. But, that was nothing. I would only sit in the corner and listen to my dad talk to her. She didn’t know who I was, I was another grandkid. But I was the one she couldn’t remember. It isn’t her fault, she was old. I did love her, but it was hard. I don’t think she loved me. I was the kid who would kiss her cheek before I left, saying “I love you grandma.” Maybe she never remembered that. She wouldn’t respond, only look to my dad for direction. He would remind her that I was one of her many great grandkids, but that didn’t make a difference. I still sat in the corner every time, not even trying to get to know her. I hated that nursing home; its smell and the sad look on the patient’s faces. And then there was my grandma, who would sit up in her bed and look blankly at me. Going there made my heart ache. But I was more worried about myself than about my poor grandma. So what she didn’t know who I was, I still loved her. And she was stuck in that awful place, and I didn’t even think twice on it. Why didn’t I sit next to her and just talk to her? Why didn’t I ask about her past and childhood? She was good at remembering things like that. Why did I blame her, it is not like she choose to become old. I had so many years to just talk to her, and I didn’t. I didn’t do it! I didn’t show my love for her. And now after 99 years of life, she is gone. She isn’t coming back. My lovely grandma is in heaven. Maybe she never knew that I did love her, she probably didn’t. But now it is too late. I was selfish and inconsiderate. Every day I should have gone to visit her, I should have sat down and asked her how she was, and just to tell me stories about herself. I didn’t though.

Grandma, I love you. If only I would have known you.