Uncle Doug’s New Rug





“I’m glad you could all make it.” Uncle Bran skimmed the room to see which members of the family decided to show up this year. His eyes stopped at Uncle Doug, and Uncle Bran couldn’t help but stare.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer.” Uncle Dough stuffed his face with mashed potatoes, and turkey. Soon enough, all thirteen family members that were sitting at the table couldn’t keep their eyes off of Uncle Doug. “May I help you?!”

“Doug… Sweetie… Fix your hair.” Doug looked around for a moment, and then attempted to use his spoon as a mirror. “Oh.. you can all mind your own business, now.” Everyone in the room continued to eat, except for Uncle Bran who continued to gain amusement from Uncle Doug.

“Hey Dougie; how much did you have toupee for your new car?!” Uncle Bran bursted out laughing.

“Very funny.” Uncle Doug shrugged and devoured some more turkey. “Ya know, I could make fun of you for a lot, but I choose not to. I’m mature. You could learn something from me.” For a moment, Uncle Doug thought as if he had the high horse. Only for a moment.

“Uncle Bran… let’s get real. If you spilled some juice, metaphorically speaking, there would be hell toupee.” At that moment, everyone in the room bursted out laughing. Laughing here, laughing there, laughing everywhere.
“I’ve had it!” Uncle Dough slammed his napkin onto the dining room table, and left the room. It was a very long time before the laughing had simmered down.