Destination | Teen Ink

Destination

September 24, 2013
By Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
13 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein


It was a bright Sunday morning in Los Angles, but to Daphne it felt like there was a hurricane nearby. She was in LAX airport, sitting in the arrivals on an uncomfortable seat, used by many people before her. Anyone who took a quick glimpse at her could tell she was nervous; she was tapping her right foot on the floor and bighting her lip. Her hands locked into each other as she looked around her. People were everywhere. Some were running, some sitting, and others walking by causally. They were all there for a reason. They each had their purpose. They had a place to go, or maybe a person to see.
As Daphne stared at the different people around her she wished she could switch lives with them, just for a second. Just to not be in the nerve racking position she was in, even for a moment. Like the many people she was observing, she too was waiting for someone. She began gently rubbing her thighs, with her slightly shaky hands while she looked over at the landing chart. Flight 271 from Manhattan, New York hadn't landed yet. It was being delayed. New York. Those 2 words went through Daphne's mind with disgust. The only way she could think about that state, was how it took a dear person away from her. Someone she shouldn't have lived without, but had no choice.
She checked her watch, and realized that only 10 minutes have passed. To her it felt like eternity. She felt like she couldn't wait any more then she already had; she had to see him again. It had been a long time. Far too long. The last time she saw him, things didn't go so well. It ended with him moving 3,000 miles away. As she thought of that day, she suddenly remembered that he never actually said goodbye. The heart break she felt at the time was reappearing right then and there, at LAX airport. She shook her head quickly, in hope the unsettling feeling would be shaken off with it. She had to move on from that day. That part of Daphne's life was over; the part she had spent without him. Things were about to change for the better.
She looked over at the landing chart again. Flight 271 was no longer listed as delayed. It was now marked as 'landed'. Her heart skipped at beat. Landed; Daphne thought to herself. He arrived. For the first time in a while they were going to be on the same time zone. That thought made her beyond happy. But not as happy as she was when she saw him walking through the airport a few minutes later. He was holding a small suitcase in his hand. A smile finally spread across her still slightly heartbroken face. She rose up from her seat, and slowly walked in his direction. Her heart was pounding. He was here. He was actually here. She stopped and waved, trying to catch his attention. He was moving through the crown, looking for her. His green eyes sparkled with thrill when he saw her. So did hers. He walked over to her quickly with a wide open smile, partly from disbelief. Their feet stopped as soon as they stood in front of each other. Unsure how to greet her, he gestured with his arms by moving them in surprise.
"Daphne" he said, amazed by her presence. "I…you look…" he tried to continue."Wow" he stated with a charming smile. "I missed you so much" he explained, with sincerity in his eyes. Daphne smiled back, bashful. She looked down. She was still in shock; he was really there, standing in front of her. She had pictured this moment an infinite number of times, but none of them compared to this moment. She looked up again, staring at him.
"Thanks, Dad" she finally replied. "I've missed you too"



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This article has 9 comments.


Meital.S GOLD said...
on Aug. 18 2015 at 2:16 pm
Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
13 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein

Thank you so much for your lovely, helpful and detailed comment! I really appreciate and agree with your advice. I will say that at the time when I wrote this story, I haven't been putting as much effort and emotion as I have on my recent pieces. You have a lot of valid points, and thank you again for mentioning them!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Aug. 18 2015 at 1:58 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

This is super cute. :) Yes, it's an old idea, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you did it well. Just because writing is not revolutionary, does not make it low-quality. I like the way you snuck in little snippets of information about their relationship in order to mislead, and you did a good job describing Daphne's moment in a vignette. Perhaps you could have added more descriptive detail or figurative language from a writing-as-art perspective, but I don't think it would contribute toward the basic purpose of the piece, which is to surprise the reader with the conclusion. My one little objection is to this part: "New York. Those 2 words went through Daphne's mind with disgust." "Disgust" is a really strong, single-faceted term. I think a word like "bittersweet" or "remorseful" would more accurately capture the association Daphne is likely to have with the city where her father lives. I mean, she still loves him. She misses him. There must be some sort of longing to be with him in addition to the resentment of his absence. Your piece is good, but to take it to the next level, I think you could add more character development to Daphne. Think layers. Who else is she below the surface? :)

Meital.S GOLD said...
on Oct. 2 2013 at 1:23 pm
Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
13 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein

Thank you so much! I was aiming for that and I really appreciate you saying that! :D

on Sep. 29 2013 at 12:47 pm
RoyalCorona SILVER, Grand Rapids, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 290 comments

Favorite Quote:
All of us fave failed to match our dream of perfection. I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do the impossible. -William Faulkner

I agree with BlackbeltJames to a degree but I did not find that it was cliche'd at all! I didn't forsee that it was her father, I thought it was a boyfriend or husband! It was still great though and I quite like the idea of a quick blip of a very sincere moment between two people! Nice job!

Meital.S GOLD said...
on Sep. 28 2013 at 2:32 am
Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
13 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein

I'm sorry to hear that you found it predictable! I guess that when you are such a good writer you see things like that coming :) Thank you for everything! I noticed the errors but I guess it's too late now :D

on Sep. 27 2013 at 6:49 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

It felt a little predictable that it was her dad, but not cliche'd. It was good flash fiction, it described well and informed the reader while making it very sweet and heartwarming. It did feel like the reader is being told things rather than being shown, but it is not too bad. There are a few grammatical errors like "only 10 minutes have passed" it should be "had passed" and "To her it felt like eternity" should be "like an eternity", just very small things, very hard to pick up on. Apart from that it was good :)

Meital.S GOLD said...
on Sep. 27 2013 at 10:35 am
Meital.S GOLD, Netanya, Other
13 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough" - Albert Einstein

Thanks so much! I appreciate both the compliments and criticism! :)

on Sep. 27 2013 at 9:59 am
LaChouette GOLD, Mount Vernon, New York
12 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”
- George Carlin

Aww, that was sweet! I liked it! I saw a few spelling errors, but not too many. While I was reading it, I thought Daphne was waiting for her boyfriend. I was surprised when it was her Dad! It's a good story as it is, but I think maybe next time you could try giving clues as to whom she is waiting for; it makes the story more suspenseful. Other than that, I thought it was really nice. Great Job!

liat228 said...
on Sep. 27 2013 at 7:44 am
What a great story!