Depression and a slight sense of awkwardness filled the surrounding atmosphere of the small room. Aromas of cigarette smoke and sweat from grown men intoxicated the air of the congested room. None of them wanted to be there, but they had no choice. General’s orders. No man wanted to open up and expose weakness or emotion to their brothers in arms. Especially those who are leaders like Gabriel Locke. As a lieutenant in the US Marines, with years of college under his belt, he was trained and taught to help others while showing no weakness along the way. He looked the part too. Tall, stocky, wide jaw, fair skin that was polluted with battle scars, and blue eyes that seemed to pierce your soul. “Welcome back everyone!” exclaimed the shrink with an odd sense of optimism. It was almost like she didn’t know what these men went through or why they were there. “We left off with Corporal Jefferson. Would you like to share?” she asked with a nervous smile.
“Pass…” Jefferson responded shamefully.
“Guys,” the shrink started, “how are you supposed to feel better unless you open up and talk about those traumatic combat situations? You may find out that others in this room may have gone through a similar experience.” An awkward silence coated the room. “Lt. Locke, can you please share with us?” He looked at her and knew that she was just trying to help, but he hated talking about his experience. However, when he looked into her eyes, all he could think of was how young and innocent she looked. She reminded him of his daughter that he loved and missed so much.

“I guess…” he finally gave in.
“Great!” the shrink said with satisfaction.
His story began: “It was a high priority rescue mission. Some scientist and his family were kidnapped by some soviet extremists. I don’t know what kind of scientist he was, but it didn’t really matter. The government wanted him back and that’s what my team and I were planning on doing. I hate Russia. Always have. Boring, bland, and cold is how I describe it. The snow fall was brutal and froze nearly everything, but my team got through it. The guys in my unit were David Larson, Juan Ramirez, DJ Robins, and Johnny Bakers. Bakers was my childhood friend. His parents abandoned him one day in the second grade so my parents took him in. We were like brothers. We stayed close all throughout high school until he enlisted and I went to college. He was actually my inspiration for joining. After college I decided to join him in the Marines. Due to my education, I received a higher rank than him and he was placed under me in my unit. He didn’t mind though. We went through hell and back together. We also have never failed a mission. This mission seemed like a walk through the park. As we pulled up to the compound where the hostages were, I set out our plan. ‘Larson, Ramirez, Robins, and I are going to set up a perimeter and draw out the soviets. We will maintain our fire while Bakers heads inside. Bakers, go through the East and set up the C4 in the buildings core and bring those hostages out. Most of the security should be focused on us so there should only be a few soviets guarding the hostages. Plus, Intel sent to us says there are only ten soviets guarding the facility so if you’re lucky, there will only be two or three guys. Once the charges are set and you with the hostages are out, set off a flare so that I can blow those bastards up! Hoorah?’
‘Hoorah!’ they responded in unison. Bakers took off and my plan went into effect. It seemed like days for bakers to signal us. In the blistering snow, my team fought ferociously. Blood stained the once white snow everywhere. Bullets flew past us as we returned a suppressing fire.
‘Where the hell is Bakers?!’ Larson screamed.
‘He will be here!’ I replied viciously as if I were offended by him asking the question. Dead bodies fell and the smell of warm blood filled my nostrils so much that it made me sick. The Intel we were given was obviously wrong. There were far more soviets than just ten. My team killed at least fifteen and an army of bullets were still flying towards us. Suddenly, I saw the scientist and his family run out of the building. Then the flare went off. I waited a second to make sure Bakers was out, and then I blew it up. There is nothing more beautiful than a giant explosion that wipes out all of your enemies. It ended our fire fight. Just then, the family came running towards me, but I didn’t see Bakers. ‘Where is Bakers?’
The wife and daughter looked shamefully to the ground. The scientist then stepped forward and confessed, ‘he was still in there when the explosion went off.’ Shock and tragedy struck me with a gruesome blow as I fell to my knees. The scientist went on, ‘after he killed the first few guards and untied us, more guards began to flood in the area. We were greatly outnumbered and bullets were endlessly shot at us in all directions. I was so scared; I didn’t know what to do. I froze up until your soldier blew a door open and began to force all of the soviet guns to be aimed in his direction. He yelled at us to leave, so I took my family and ran for it. Right as I looked back I saw several bullets fly into his leg and shoulder. He looked at me and yelled at me again to run. We left immediately. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.’ A sense of fury then blinded me and completely overcame my body. I grabbed the scientist by the shirt and threw him up against our vehicle.
‘Why the hell didn’t you go back and save him?! What is your problem you selfish f***! We should have left you there to die!’ I screamed into his face with rage. The rest of my team had to pry me off of him and pin me to the ground.
The scientist was in tears and put his face into his hands and just repeated over and over again, ‘I’m so sorry. I was afraid.’ After what seemed like hours of yelling I finally calmed down. The rage was gone, but was now replaced with guilt and depression. I was the one who sent him in there alone. He should have had back-up. I pulled the trigger that set off the explosion. I was a fool and caused my best friend to die. It was my fault entirely. Tears streamed down my face with the realization that I would never see my brother again. I haven’t been the same sense.”
A long silence overpowered the small room. Each soldier was entranced in Locke’s story. Some were broken down and tried to hide their own emotions. The shrink seemed shocked. She obviously was not expecting that type of story. Tears flooded her eyes. Everyone was speechless. Locke then stood up and spoke, “and nothing can stop my torment. Nothing at all.” He then proceeded to walk out of the room and close the door behind him. General’s orders or not, he was done.