It was the bottom of the ninth inning. The bases were loaded. We were down by two. The crowd was completely silent. The field lights were almost blinding against the warm summer's night sky. This was it. This was my chance. My eyes narrowed in on the batter as I winded up my arm. As the ball slipped from my fingers, it flew towards the batter in slow motion. There was a loud CLANK! as the batter swung and whacked the ball.

The ball soared through the air before reaching the hands of our best outfielder, Bobby. Out. Like lightning, Bobby shot the ball to second base. Charlie caught the ball just before the runner slid to reach it. Out. Before I knew it, the ball was heralding towards me. I caught it with a smack in my glove before spinning and chucking it toward home plate. Brandon snatched the ball from the air and slammed his hand, with the ball, down on the runner's torso. The crow held their breath, sitting on the edge of their seats. The dust settled and the umpire called it. Out. That was it. The game was over. We had won. The crowed jumped up cheering. I was stunned with joy. Before I could move, nearly my whole team had met me at my mound. The congratulated me on my perfectly pitched game, and we all congratulated each other on our win.

We all met in front of the stadium after a quick shower and change of clothe.

"Hey, Jason!" It was her. Rebecca Walters. She was perfect. Beautiful. Her dark brown curls ran to the small of her back. She had the most gorgeous baby blue eyes I had ever seen. She was smart and funny and the greatest girl I knew. She was closing the ten-foot distance between us.

"Hey, Becca."

"Are you going to Charlie's party? Everyone's going to be there, except his parents of course. We have an extra seat in Elisa’s car if you want to ride with us."

"Just as Becca was finishing her sentence, my phone rang. I struggled to pull my eyes away from her perfect smile to look at it.

"Who's that?" Becca asked.

"Oh, it's just my friend, Andy," Andy is my best friend. He had been since the first day of seventh grade when he was just another new kid that so happened to sit next to me in almost every class, "He was just asking about my game," Lie. That was a lie.

"Oh. Well, what do you say?"

"You know, Becca, I'd really love to, but I have to get home. My parents aren't home, so my brother's all alone, and I have to get him diner and stuff," That was a lie too.

"Oh. That sucks. I'm going to miss you at the party though!"

"Yeah, you too. But I'll see you at school Monday right?"

"Most defiantly," She responded flashing that beautiful smile again.

"Awesome. I'll see you then," I said, starting to back away. I didn't have much time.

"Yeah. Bye, Jason!"

"Bye, Becca!"

Once I was out of grasp of her hypnotic gaze, the realization of what was happening hit me. I had to hurry. I bolted out of the lights of the stadium and down the dark road. My house was right on the way from the stadium to Andy's house. I was a damn good thing too. It took not even five minutes to reach my house. When I reached my driveway, I ran up to the huge hill and ducked under the partially opened garage door to grab my bike without missing a beat. There was a horrible clock ticking in the back of my mind. Every second was a second closer. I ran my bike down the driveway and jumped on it, already furiously peddling, without even slowing down.

I flew down the road. The light faded in and out as I biked under the streetlights. No matter how fact I pedaled, it wasn't fast enough. My mind kept flashing back to the last message I had received.

Andy hadn't given a s*** about my game. I'm sure he would have at least faked interest on any other night, but not this one.

He had been telling me goodbye.

I knew Andy had a lot on his plate. I knew he hadn't been handling it well. I wanted to tell myself that I hadn't seen this coming, that I'd just wake up and everything would be okay. I'd wake up in the morning and Andy would be just fine. I'd get up and met Andy at the park between our houses. We'd play a little basketball; maybe toss a baseball back and forth. If it was warm enough we might even go swimming in the creek. This wasn't a dream though. If I failed tonight, I'd wake up tomorrow, and Andy would be dead.

I was almost to Andy's house. The ride seemed to take so much more time as I raced against time. I would beat that clock. Tonight will not be Andy's last one.

The sidewalk on either side of the road had run out, so I was riding in the middle of the road. The streetlights had become less and less frequent until they had disappeared altogether. The over-sized trees on either side conquered the sky, blocking out what little light the moon produced. I flew through intersection, not even thinking twice about it. There wasn't time for that. For all I know, I could already be too late. No. No, I wouldn't think about that.

I flew through intersection after intersection. Every one of them remained dark or dimly lit by and occasional street light. All accept this one. As so as I got far enough into the road to see past the trees, I was blinded. At that second, I knew something was wrong, and at the second everything slowed down, I was exactly like what had happened at the game as I threw my last pitch. The blinding light came from the headlights of a car, a car coming straight for me.

The car inched closer and closer. Time stood still for just a moment. I couldn't slow down; it was too late for that. I peddled as hard as I possibly could. I heard the screeching protest of the rubber against the asphalt.

I almost cleared the car completely. Almost. The corner of the car grazed the back tier of my bike. The bike slid out from under me, and I slammed against the cold, hard road. Luckily, I caught myself with my hands before my head smacked the pavement.

The woman that had been driving the silver minivan that had hit me jumped out of the driver's seat. She ran to my side with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh, baby! Are you okay? Please say something," She was at my side now with one hand behind my head and the other pulling me on to her lap.

"Oh, god. Hold on just a minute I'll call 9-1-1," She said franticly, running back to her car, snatching up a purse and dumping the contents out onto the car seat.

I started to realize what was happening, "No. No!"

"What?" She looked at me, perplexed.

"I-I have to go."

"What? What's wrong?

Andy's house was only a couple of blocks down the road. I stood up and started running. The clock was still ticking.

I ran and ran and ran. There was no time to stop. No time to waste. When I finally reached the house, it was completely dark. The garage door was closed and there weren't any cars in the driveway. He was home alone. There was a dim light emanating from Andy's room. I saw a shadow moving in the room. I let out a sigh of relief. There was still time. I wasn't too late. I ran up the driveway and threw the door open, not bothering to knock. The stairs I had run up and down so many times before suddenly looked different. They were excessively dark. There were dark in a weird way though, not just like someone had turned off the lights but like there was something lurking in the shadows. The stairs, along with the rest of the house seemed eerie, creepy almost, as if they were leading to something horrible. I could only pray that they didn't, and that says a lot considering I don't even believe in a god.

"Andy! Andy, please answer me!" I called up the stairs. I reached up and noticed that there was water streaming down my face.

"Jason? What are you doing here, man?" I could hear the tears in his voice. I had finally reached his bedroom door. I ran full force into the door with my shoulder as I turned the knob, but the door was locked. Well that hurt like hell.

"Come on, man. Open the door." I pleaded as I continued to jiggle the doorknob.

“I can’t do that, Jason”

“Yes, you can. Come on, Andy, you don’t want to do this. Just open the door and we can talk about it.”

“No! Jason, I’m done talking. I’ve been screaming, but nobody ever hears me! Nobody cares!”

“Andy, that’s not true. I’m here. I’ve heard everything you said. I care, Andy, and I would be devastated if you did this. I love you, man. You’re my best friend and I couldn’t tell you what I’d do without you.”

“Yeah. I know. I love you too, and I’m sorry about this, but I just can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of being so alone. I’m tired of hating myself. I’m tired of trying to cover up the scars. I’m tired of felling disgusted with myself every time I put food in my mouth. I’m just tired of being tired, and that’s the kind of tired only an eternal sleep can fix.”

I could picture him now, on the side of the door. I can see him with that gun, the bottles of pills from his parent’s medicine cabinet, the rope hanging from the fan, or the blade between his fingers.

“Andy, please. Please don’t do this. Don’t do it for me. We can fix this, if you just let us talk about it.”

I told you there was no more talking about this! I’m done. I’m so sorry, man. You were the one that kept me hanging on this long, but it’s time for me to go now.”

“No, no, Andy, it’s not time for you to go.”

“I’m sorry. Goodbye, Jason.”

Before he even got the word “goodbye” out, I was kicking in his door. I wasn’t just going to stand there. I ran to him and knocked him over on the bed, the empty bottle of pills flew from his hand and onto the floor.

“You’re too late,” He nearly whispered. I could see the sorrow and apologies in his eyes as I held him in my arms.

“No. I’m not going to let you die. That’s a f*ing promise,” I let him go so I could run to get the phone.

“9-1-1, what’s you’re emergency?”

“Yes, hello. I’m at 798 North Avenue. I need an ambulance. My friend just took a bunch of pills.”

“Okay. Emergency vehicles are on their way, but I need you to stay on the line with me, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What’s your name, honey?”

“Jason. Jason Renolds.”

“Okay, Jason. What’s your friend’s name?”

“Andy Perry.”

“Is Andy conscious?”

“Barely. He can hardly keep his eyes open.”

“Do you know CPR, Jason?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Okay, good. I need you to check Andy’s breathing. If he goes unconscious, and if you notice him stop, start giving him CPR. Then you can most likely keep oxygen going to his brain long enough for the paramedics to arrive.”

“Yes, ma’am. I can do that.”

“You’re doing great, Jason. The paramedics should be there any minute. Is Andy still breathing?”

“Yes, ma’am. I think I hear the sirens now.”

“That’s great. I’ll stay on the line until they get to And.”

“Thank you,” The tears were starting to run down my face again. My voice was unsteady and began cracking.

“I think you’re the one who needs to be thanked. Andy’s a lucky boy to have a friend like you.”

That was it. The tears I had been holding back could not be contained anymore. A few had already escaped, but now they streamed down my face, as I began to sob.

“Don’t you worry. Help will be there any second now. Just hold on a little longer. For me, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I could barely push the words out through my tears, “Ma’am?”

“Yes, Jason?”

“What’s your name?”

“My name?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Annabel. My name’s Annabel.”

“Thank you, Ms. Annabel.”

I couldn’t be sure, but I’m fairly positive I heard her crying a little bit. There was no more time for conversation, though. The sirens were blaring at this point. The ambulance was in front of the house, and I could hear the paramedics coming up the stairs.

“Jason? Andy?” I heard a man yell.

“We’re up here!” I responded, “In the bedroom!”

Three young men burst through the doorway at that point, dressed in navy blue, short-sleeve shirts and long pants. They all had little radios attached to their shoulders and were carrying large containers filled with medical supplies.

“We need you to move out of the way, son.”

“Yes, sir.”

Two of the men got busy examining Andy, but the third stood by, as a precaution I assume. It didn’t take long for him to notice me cowering in the corner. My eyes were glazed over, staring directly at Andy. I wasn’t seeing Andy though. My mind was racing, and I couldn‘t shut it up. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t know what else to do, so I sat in the corner, stared, and let my mind race.

“Are you okay, kid?”

“Huh?” That man’s question pulled my mind almost back to reality.

“I can walk you outside if you want to get some air or something.”

“Oh. Um. That’s okay. I can go by myself,” My voice and face still looked extremely distant. Like another world distant. I tried my hardest, gathered all of my strength, and finally stood up. I mindlessly carried myself down the still dark and eerie staircase. The front door was still open and the lights on top of the ambulance were flashing like crazy. I assume they were screaming too, but I couldn’t here a thing. Everything was moving in slow motion. I couldn’t tell what was happening. People were running by everywhere I turned. People were screaming. Some had come out of their houses. I couldn’t handle it all. I don’t know exactly when, but at some point, I began to run. I ran, and I ran. I just wanted to get away from the house, from the commotion, from the noise, from everything. I ran until I couldn’t run any more. I dropped to my knees. The water that had been brimming behind my lids finally spilt over. They turned into f*ing Niagara Falls. I reached up with my hands to wipe the water away, but there was too much of it, so I just left them there. I hunched over and just cried. There wasn’t much else I could do.

I’m not quit sure what happened. One minute I was in the middle of the road, where I had collapsed, crying, and then there was a flash of light. Next thing I knew, I was laying down but not on a comfortable bed or anything near soft for that matter. There were a lot of voices, a lot of yelling. I tried to block out the noise, though. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. After that, I just remember quiet. Dead silence, except for a minor beeping in the background and a couple of quiet murmurs.

“Will he be okay?” I heard a meek woman’s voice from the other side of the room.

“He’s stable right now, yes, but it will be some time before we can tell for sure,” He tried to make his voice sincere, but I could tell that he had said this kind of thing before. When I became more aware of my surroundings, I noticed the bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in days. The woman’s face was red and blotchy from too much crying. I recognized this woman. It was my mother, and I was lying in a hospital bed with more wires and tubes attached to me than I could count.

My mom noticed me looking at her and the doctor. She ran over to my side and the tears came down her face again; had they ever stopped?

“Oh, my baby! How are you, dear? Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Can I get you some food or water?” The list of questions went on as she buried her head in my chest and wrapped her arms around me as best as she could.

“Mom, I’m fine. I’m fine,” I replied. My voice was still really weak.

Surprisingly, I didn’t hurt. I think they had me on drugs. I not only couldn’t feel the pain, but I couldn’t feel anything. I looked down at my body for the first time since I had woken up. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was like I was in a bad dream.

I looked down to where my right arm was, or should I say where is should have been? It was missing from the elbow down. I thought my mind must have been playing tricks on me. It was just the drugs. It wasn’t real. I sat up with a jerk as my left hand flew to touch where my arm now ended. I noticed then that my middle and index fingers, along with my thumb, were gone, just like my right arm.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. I looked up at my mother franticly looking for answers.

“Do you remember what happened?” My mother asked, trying to keep her calm.

“I remember going to Andy’s house, and I remember calling 9-1-1, and I remember the paramedics showing up. I remember all of the commotion outside of the house.”

“There was a lot going on. During all of the confusion, the paramedics said you must have gone out to get some air. They think you collapsed in the middle of the road. A semi truck drove by but couldn’t see you in the road,” She couldn’t be strong anymore. The tears started streaming down her face as she tried to keep her voice even. I felt the water starting to pour from my eyes as well, “When they found you, you were unconscious. Your arm had nearly been ripped off. They said it was a miracle you’re still alive.”

The memories of that night (was it last night? I didn‘t even know what day it was, let alone what time it was) came flooding back, all at once, “What about Andy? Is Andy okay?”

“Andy’ll be fine. He’s been sedated. You saved his life.”

“When can I see him?”

“We’ll tell you when he wakes up, but I’m not sure when either of you will be able to leave your rooms to see each other,” The doctor answered for my mother.

“Mom can you just do me a favor?”

“Yeah, sure. What is it, baby?”

“Don’t tell Andy how I got hurt. Tell him it happened when we were at home going to get dinner or something. Tell him anything. I just don’t want him to think that this is his fault. He doesn’t deserve that kind of guilt,” Every bit of what I said I believed. What happened to me was none of Andy’s fault, even if I had only been there to save him.

She gave me a disappointing look but answered, “Okay. I won’t tell him if you don’t want me to.”

“Thanks, mom,” I said smiling reassuringly. She smiled back at me, “Do you think I could get that glass of water now, though? I’m really thirsty.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back,” She said, reluctantly leaving my side.

The doctor had left just before my mother, so I was alone for the first time. As I lay in the itchy, hard bed, I had time to think. I thought about the accident and what this meant. I didn’t have my right arm. I wouldn’t be able to pitch again. I’d never play baseball again. I couldn’t even learn to play with my left arm; I was missing two fingers and my thumb.

I’d never play baseball again.

I’d never play baseball again.

I’d never play baseball again.

The words hunted me as I drifted off into a much-needed sleep.


It seemed like days before I got to see Andy, even though it was a mere eight hours. My legs weren’t affected by the accident much, so I could still walk. I slowly swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I was so sore talking hurt, so this was hell, but if I got to see Andy, it was worth it. I walked down the hall awkwardly. I may have been able to walk but it still wasn’t fun. It hurt like a mother*er, actually. Then I caught sight of Andy’s mom. She practically ran down the hall and almost tackle-hugged me.

“Are you okay?” She asked as she pulled my shoulders back to look at me.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said.

It didn’t take half a second before she pulled me back in her tight grip again. This time she was trying to keep from sobbing into my hospital gown. She wasn’t doing a very good job, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much,” She murmured through breaks in her sobbing, “You saved Andy’s life. I could never repay you for that.”

“I had no other choice. Andy’s my best friend. I’d be lost without him. You’d do the same thing for your best friend,” was all I could think to say, “Do you mind if I see him now?”

“No, not at all. I think he just woke up actually,” She grabbed my hand and led me over to Andy’s room’s door. She cracked it open and peeked her head inside before opening it all the way, “Andy, baby. Someone’s here to see you.”

Andy’s face lit up when I walked in the room, “Jason! I was wondering when you’d come by!” He must have caught sight of my mangled body parts then because his face dropped immediately, “What in the hell happened to you?”

“I was in an accident. I’ll be fine, though,” I tried to be strong. I always tried to be strong for Andy. He deserved at least that much.

“That’s bull s***. What about baseball? How are you going-” I cut him off.

“Hey, I’m alive. You’re alive. That’s all that matters. We’ll both be fine. I have to say, though, you had me going for a while there,” I tried to change the subject before he started asking questions about the accident.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. The only important thing is that you’re here now,” I smiled at him and he smiled back. It’d been a long time since I’d seen him smile like that, like he was truly happy, “But, in case you didn’t know, I’m never letting you out of my f*ing sight again.”

He laughed and we talked for hours. I wasn’t sure about the time. I never was in hospitals; nothing ever slowed down enough to indicate it was nighttime. Everyone was always moving, all the time. Time didn’t matter though. The fact that I’d more than likely never play baseball again didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact that I was still here, and I still had my best friend.