The True life of a Seventeen year old: Believe in Second chances
"Being strong is one thing, but staying strong is so much more. When you feel like giving up remember that no matter what brings you down you have that strength to get back up.”










-Me
The one thing I can do is be honest. Be honest to my friends, my family and most importantly be honest with myself. Everything I am going to share is real and it happens to a lot of kids, teens, and even adults. The person sitting next to you may be dealing with what I’m about to share. My life is just getting started. In order to move on I must let go of my past. That’s why I have decided to share my story. I have faced all my demons and now I’m opening up to a brighter light.

I was 12 years old when a very special person from my family died, my mother. Cancer had taken her from my family and me, which left me shattered and broken. I never even considered the thought of one of my family members being dead. When you’re young you think that everything is going to stay the same and that nothing could possibly go wrong. For a long time the death tore my family apart, and the after math brought on pain and suffering. I realized that I had lost a giant piece of who I was. My whole world was gone. My heart was damaged, and I thought that I would never be able to fix it. My mom impacted my life in more ways than one, and she brought me to who I am today. I need to find out who I’ am again. This is my story.



Over the years I had grieved in my own time and at my own pace. Everybody though I was fine, but nobody asked me if I was okay. I would walk around acting like “nothing” was wrong. The problem is it was all a mask. I was not okay. I put on a mask for the world, so they could see what they wanted to see. I could hide my secret from everyone. At home I didn’t have to put on a façade, but I still couldn’t escape it. Growing up without a mom is like growing up without a foot. You can’t stand on your own and you don’t know which way you turn next. In my freshmen year in high school I was diagnosed with depression. Everything made sense when I knew the facts, but I looked at the signs in myself, and it was clear I was sick. It’s easier said than done to seek out help. You have to want to make that choice on your own. I didn’t know who I could talk to about this. I felt lost and alone. Depression can turn you into something that you’re not. It can make you feel in ways you never imagined. I’d cry myself to sleep begging for an answer that I would never get. Eventually I stopped talking to my friends and family. I suffered from anxiety. My body ached because my muscles were stiff from sleeping all the time. The pain becomes physical. The pain was skin deep and I thought that it would never go away. To heal on my own, I started doing bad and unhealthy things to cope. Bad things that I’m not proud of, things that was harmful to me. I turned to drugs, alcohol, self-harm and reckless behavior. It was that instant release where the pain wasn’t so unbearable anymore. My depression never got better. I kept asking myself “Why? Why me? What the hell had I done to deserve any of this?” Nothing made sense. I couldn’t think and couldn’t breathe.


It came to a screeching halt just before the start of my Senior Year. I was a different person thinking these irrational thoughts. My life was falling apart and I thought just maybe if I could push it far enough away I could finally move on. Things tend to come back and bite us in the ass. That’s exactly what happened to me. The thoughts I were thinking were all negative, I tried telling myself otherwise, but my other side didn’t listen. I felt I had no purpose in this life anymore and that was my rock bottom. I tried to take my own life because I felt betrayed, hurt, scared, and devastated. But most importantly I was exhausted for putting up a fight with myself for so long. I was ready to give up. I didn’t understand why I was given a life full of pain. I thought the other side had won. Unfortunately my last resort was horrendous. I went through with it. I will never look at my old life the same. When I was being brought into the hospital something happened. I felt myself slipping away. I was dying and I was leaving this life, and voices were calling for me. Miraculously something pulled me back. All of a sudden I felt myself becoming stronger. I would have died that night, but instead I was given a second chance at my life. I’m a believer in miracles, and it took me a long time to understand it, but I realize now that I’m meant to be here. Through everything I’m still here. It’s okay to not be okay. Don’t ever be ashamed of yourself because it’s alright to ask for help. People have compassion and some people will go to the ends of this earth to help you. My tragedy was a blessing in disguise. When I was in the hospital I made a lifestyle choice that changed my life. I wanted to live and be strong. I figured life is a journey and I was going to fight for my chance to walk it. I always fight for my family, friends and the ones I love. This time I had to fight for myself. I was fighting for my life. I chose to go to a rehabilitation center, for human behavior and well-being, called Amber Wing. I know what you’re thinking, “Oh she went to rehab, and she must be crazy!” I’m not crazy. I’m a normal person who bad things have happened to. The treatment I received made me look at my whole life differently. I’m a different person now. I went into Amber Wing with problems I could not resolve on my own. It was terrifying having to accept the fact that I needed help, but I figured that, that was okay. The people that I met there I will never forget. I have made tight friendships with many of them, and I can connect in a way I can’t with some people. On my last day of treatment I came out a different me. I came out stronger. The walls I built up were finally knocked down. I was hopeful. I learned that admitting you have problems doesn’t make you weak it makes you brave. It means that hope has not died. It makes you human. The support and skills from everyone I associated with at Amber Wing were very eye-opening. I found that I wasn’t alone. There were people out there like me who had what I was feeling. I didn’t feel alone anymore.

No one saw this coming. Not even my family. Everything that brought me to this moment happened for a reason. Reasons I cannot explain. You must learn to trust yourself, and be okay with yourself. It takes time but you will find it. I, for once in my life, am okay. I’m happy and very proud of the things I have achieved. Most importantly I’ am not ashamed of my life. I have learned the biggest lesson of all from this. If you believe in yourself and you trust in yourself then the possible is never impossible. I encourage others to step up and speak out. You have a voice that is worth hearing. Be bold in your choices and take chances. Amber Wing is not just a rehab center for me anymore, its home. It’s my place of rescue and calmness. Use your inner strength because you’re stronger than you think you are. Before I sought treatment I was giving away my strength to everyone and I was drained. Now I choose to rightfully take back what is mine. I’m at my strongest I have ever felt, and I will never let anyone take that away again. I have a long road ahead of me, but that doesn’t mean I have to climb this mountain alone. I don’t care if one person reads this article or a hundred. If I can reach out to one person and make a difference then it’s all that matters.

From this moment on I choose to graduate from High school. I choose to go to College. I will get a degree and pursue my dreams. I will have a family someday. I will be a mom someday. I will look back at my life eighty years from now and say that I didn’t waste it. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, or next week or even in a year. I can’t predict my future and I don’t have a plan. I’ am not afraid to take this world head on.

Gandhi said “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others,” I have lost myself, but I found my way back. I have sacrificed much of myself in the service of people that I love and respect the most, my family. I’m not perfect. I have flaws and I make mistakes, but I take what I have done and learn from my actions. Now I can finally move on and nothing is going to hold me down. I’m looking onto a new day. I will find out what this world has to offer. I will discover what life means to me. I will speak my mind, and be honest. I’m not pretending to be somebody that I’m not. Today I’m the one who decides what defines me. I will find it out on my own, when the time is right. I found life is short and you’re given only one lifetime and one chance to make it right. I am choosing to make the best of what I’m given. I will go on with my life taking every moment in. Today is the day I tell myself I am strong enough. Today is the day I become a survivor. Today is the day I choose to live.

By: Molly M