Gabriel Snow: Mid 20s, thin and pale
Matt Remes: Early 20s, large and athletic
Kyle Melman: Early 20s, small and quiet

Place: A Chipotle
Time: The present

(Gabriel is sitting at a table. Upon Kyle’s entrance, he beckons him to sit)

GABRIEL: Ah, Mr. Melman. I’ve been expecting you. Would you like anything to eat?
KYLE: Uh… no, thanks. (Beat) You are Gabriel Snow right? You said in that email you have a position open at your company?
GABRIEL: I am, and I did.
KLYE: Yeah, ok. Just wanted to make sure I’m not like, talking to the wrong person or something. (He laughs. Gabriel doesn’t react. Kyle clears his throat) So, um, should we start? I know in the email you said to make sure to get here on time.
GABRIEL: I would very much like to start, but unfortunately we must wait for our other guest before I can give the details of your… job offer.
KYLE: Oh, uh, there’s another candidate?
GABRIEL: So to speak.
(MATT enters. MATT looks around. )
GABRIEL: Ah, speak of the proverbial devil and in he strolls.
(GABRIEL beckons to him and MATT walks over)
MATT: Whattup! You’re Gabe right?
GABRIEL: Indeed. You are a touch late, Matt.
MATT: Aw, sorry man. Traffic was a b****, y’know?
GABRIEL: Indeed. This, incidentally, is your partner for today.
(MATT and KYLE notice each other. MATT grins. KYLE looks away)
MATT: No. Freakin’. Way. Kyle Melman! (MATT punches KYLE in the arm) Aw, man, what are the chances?
KYLE: Oh, God. Hi…Matt.
MATT: Dude, last time I saw you was at graduation. Where you been? Some smartass college, right?
KYLE: MIT, actually.
MATT: MIT! (he laughs) Nice work, kid.
KYLE: Yeah…thanks.
GABRIEL: You two know each other.
MATT: Yeah, bro. I used to beat on this guy back in high school. Not much of a people person, y’know. Had to drag him out to parties and stuff and sometimes he’d get all philosophical about it and somebody had to slap him in the face. Good times, man.
KYLE: (bitterly) Yeah, the best.
GABRIEL: Well, if you are done reminiscing, I will commence with my offer.
MATT: Hold up, what? Is the offer for both of us? It said in the email there was just one position open.
KYLE: Actually, yeah. What is this thing anyway?
(GABRIEL leans back in his chair and studies them)
GABRIEL: I will be giving you both an opportunity to take part in a great act of justice today. I would like to know presently if you are interested.
MATT: (snorts) What are we, auditioning to be Power Rangers?
KYLE: You don’t audition to be a Power Ranger. But what are we doing here?
GABRIEL: I can assure you both that you will not take on the roles of costumed crime fighters. Your brand of justice will be of a rather different nature. Are you or are you not interested?
MATT: Hey I got an idea. Why don’t you just tell us what the hell the job is? Or I could just go and hang with non-crazy people.
KYLE: Don’t be rude to him.
MATT: Shut up, man.
(KYLE glares at MATT momentarily, then turns back to GABRIEL)
KYLE: Look, why don’t you just tell us what the offer is?
MATT: Yeah, enough with this secretive s***.
GABRIEL: As you wish. My offer is this. Mr Melman -Kyle- I propose that you murder Mr. Remes.
(KYLE and MATT notice that the store is entirely empty and silent)
MATT: WHAT THE F***!?
GABRIEL: (To Matt) I take it you are not interested in my offer?
MATT: What the hell man, are you nuts?
(MATT gets up and runs to the door. He tries to open it and finds it locked. As MATT is running, GABRIEL speaks to KYLE.)
GABRIEL: And you Mr. Melman? What do you think of my offer?
KYLE: I… I… are you serious?
GABRIEL: I assure you, Kyle, I am quite serious. (GABRIEL takes out a gun and places it between them on the table). I have paid off the staff here to leave the three of us alone. The security cameras have been shut down. No one but Matt and I knew you were going to be here. And as you can see, this gun is silenced. There will be no witnesses. There will be no evidence. You will not be caught. There will finally be justice. What say you?
KYLE: I’m… this… I…
(MATT walks back to the table.)
MATT: F*** that!
GABRIEL: Do you have something to say, Matthew?
(MATT lunges at GABRIEL and tries to attack him. GABRIEL picks up the gun and MATT stops in his tracks.)
GABRIEL: How very in character, Mr. Remes. Resorting to violence when the situation hopelessly trivializes such childish actions. Now, if you would mind not doing that again, we can discuss this issue like human beings and not animals. Are we agreed?
(MATT stares him down for several seconds and then grudgingly and nervously takes a seat.)
MATT: You’re freaking sick, man. Why do you even want me dead? The hell have I done to you?
GABRIEL: How very like you to not notice the wrongs you have perpetuated, Matthew. I am hardly even surprised.
MATT: What are you even talking about? I don’t frickin’ know you. Look, Kyle, just tell him no and lets get out of he-
GABRIEL: Quiet, Matthew. No interruptions please. Mr. Melman, you may think of me as an enabler. You have already ascertained, I imagine, that you and Mr. Remes were not selected today at random. You two are here so that you, Kyle, can kill Matthew. I am here to aid you. Think of me as an angel of justice, here to assist in the dispensation of justice. I provide for you the method with which to carry out your desire.
MATT: (Glances at KYLE nervously) Why the hell would Kyle want to kill me? I’m the only reason he even had friends in high school. I took him to parties, helped him with girls, y’know. (To KYLE) You know, man. I was your bro, right?
(KYLE is just staring at the ground, wide-eyed)
MATT: Kyle? KYLE? Wake up dude!
GABRIEL: Pay him no heed, Kyle. You know that you hate him, and you know that it is justified. You know that he has wronged you, and you know that he will wrong others. You know that the world will be better without him. You know what you want. You want-
MATT: Kyle, are you f*ing high, what are you doing? You don’t hate me. I’m your friend, dude! I always tried to help you out. Please don’t do this, man. Just tell him no and we can-
(KYLE’s head snaps up and he shouts at MATT)
KYLE: SHUT UP! Stop trying to tell me what to do you f*ing ahole. I don’t hate you? I DON’T HATE YOU!? Are you kidding? How do you think I felt in school? What do you think was going through my mind when you were beating me up. What do you think I thought of you when you ignored our teachers, made them feel like crap, talking about drugs with your idiotic girlfriends in the corner! Why did you get all the girls and I didn’t, and still don’t? I am smarter than you. I’m better than you, but everyone loves YOU! And I bet you haven’t even changed in the last three years of college. I bet you’re still the same bullying bastard that you always were. (to GABRIEL) What has Matt done since I last saw him?
GABRIEL: You know what Matt has been doing, Kyle. He has been living the life of a barbarous buffoon. He is at a college for fools and dropouts, at which he abandons his classes so that he can spend more time sleeping off his evenings of alcohol, drug abuse, and sex with similarly barbaric women. He has no ambition and no skills. He has accomplished nothing. He has learned nothing. And he formerly beat you. Would you like the gun?
(MATT is staring at KYLE, mouth agape, trying to figure out what to say. )
KYLE: Yes.
(GABRIEL goes to hand him the gun, MATT makes a grab for it and the gun goes flying. KYLE gets up and runs for it, and MATT tries to follow him but is stopped by GABRIEL. The two begin to wrestle. KYLE gets the gun He shouts. The two disengage.)
MATT: Dude, don’t kill me, don’t shoot me man! Think about my family. You knew my mom dude, don’t do this to her!
KYLE: Shut up.
(KYLE raises the gun and aims it at MATT. KYLE pulls the trigger, but jerks the gun to the side at the last moment, purposefully missing MATT. MATT dives away, knocking over a table and taking cover behind it.)
MATT: Kyle what the F***!? Please, man, please don’t do this! Think about what you’re doing, man!
GABRIEL: (Failing to keep his excitement concealed) Justice, Matt, he is executing justice. The culmination of years of hatred and resentment in one moment of glorious catharsis.
KYLE: Justice. What does that mean? (KYLE lowers the gun and turns to GABRIEL) You keep saying that. All you want is for me to get my justice. I don’t want to kill him because of justice. (To MATT) I want to kill you because your sheer existence has driven me insane since the day I met you. (Back to GABRIEL) I have reasons to consider it. But I’ve had those forever. But why do you want him dead?
GABRIEL: Do not be distracted, Kyle. What I want is unimportant. You know that you want to slay this ruffian, and you know that he deserves it. I am only here to enable you.
KYLE: Right, but why? Why do you care about Matt?
GABRIEL: I assure you I am only a facilitator; there is no reason to question my motives. Simply kill your aggressor, we may discuss this matter afterwards.
KYLE: No. (KYLE aims the gun at GABRIEL). Tell me what I want to know.
GABRIEL: (suddenly icy) Kyle, don’t be a fool. You will kill that bullying gorilla, or I will retake my weapon and do it myself.
KYLE: How about I give the gun to Matt. He would probably be game for shooting you.
MATT: Hell yeah!
KYLE: …Or you can tell me why you’re here.
(GABRIEL glares at him)
GABRIEL: As you wish. I am very much like you, you see. Too intelligent for my own good. And just like you, I grew up hating the stupid, worthless bullying vandals around me. But unlike you, and the rest of our kind, I took action. I killed my aggressors, but more importantly I found my life calling, my muse as it were. I help the intelligent, the good, to kill the stupid, the wicked. I strike down those that deserve death as a service to those that deserve life. I told you that I was an angel of justice, Kyle. I did not deceive you.
MATT: That’s not justice, that’s being a crazy-ass vigilante
GABRIEL: Shut your mouth you brainless slab of rotten meat.
KYLE: And Matt? You said he’d wronged you.
GABRIEL: Yes, Mr. Melman has wronged me, I admit it. But you may have the honor of dispatching him.
KYLE: What did he do to you?
(GABRIEL is silent. KYLE turns to throw the gun to MATT.)
GABRIEL: A few years ago, I was in line for tickets to a film, but they were selling out quickly. Mr. Melman cut the line, an easy task for an absolute cretin such as him. The man in front of me received the last ticket because of that. My ticket. I am here partially for my revenge, but more so for yours.
MATT: ARE YOU SHITTING ME!? That’s why you want me dead? Holy f*ing-
GABRIEL: I told you to shut up, swine. Kyle, kill him.
KYLE: No. I see what’s going on now. You don’t care that Matt used to beat me up. This is just one in a string of serial murders. You aren’t an angel of justice, Gabriel. You’re just a whiny child. I’ll bet you were never beat up like I was. I’ll bet all that happened is you got some perceived insults or imagined slights thrown at you. And you’re killing over that. And as much as Matt might be an asshole, I am not going to be like you. And I am not going to kill him just because he beat me up in high school. You can come out now Matt. (MATT cautiously gets out from behind the table and walks over to where KYLE is standing. The two face down GABRIEL)
KYLE: Get out your phone. Take this guy’s picture. Then call the cops. (Aims the gun at Gabriel) And you. Don’t even think of making a move or I will shoot you.
(GABRIEL stares at the two of them with utter hatred while MATT takes the picture. As MATT dials the police, GABRIEL lunges at KYLE. KYLE tries to fire but is too slow and GABRIEL grabs the gun from his hand. By the time MATT tries to help, GABRIEL already has the gun and is aiming it at them.)
GABRIEL: Drop the phone. Now.
(MATT drops his phone. GABRIEL slides it toward himself and stomps on it, breaking it. Furiously, he speaks to them.)
GABRIEL: I am very disappointed Kyle. I thought a man of your intelligence would possess logical skills greater than those of a comatose sloth. You are just as worthless as this idiotic slab of meat. (He gestures with the gun towards MATT) If you are not interested in my services then I will take them elsewhere. I need not cast my pearls before swine. (Addressing Matt) And as for you, count yourself lucky. I should simply kill you myself, but I think it would be more fitting to allow you to plague Kyle for the rest of his life. There is a certain poetry in that, I think.
(GABRIEL walks to the door and unlocks it. He gives MATT and KYLE one last glare before shoving the gun into his coat and exiting the store. In the aftermath of GABRIEL’s departure, KYLE turns to MATT. The two stare at each other for a long moment. Then MATT punches KYLE in the face, knocking him to the ground)
MATT: F*** YOU! (MATT storms out of the store)
(KYLE lies, dazed, on the ground, staring at the ceiling.)
KYLE: (He sighs) Goddamnit.