Chapter 1:

Dying always seemed like it would be an easy thing to do. People die everyday. I never thought I could mess it up. It always seemed so simple. I was actually so close to success it was funny. The doctors said I’m lucky that my father found me when he did. Lucky me.



After my third day there, I had been pretty much isolated, to give me time to reflect on my decisions, according to the doctors there. Dr. Jennings said that everyone gets isolated when they first arrive at Lambden Hills. I really hadn't done anything besides sleep. I’d met with Dr. Jennings a few times but I haven’t really talked to her about anything besides the food here, and that’s horrible.



Dr. Jennings is the head doctor of Lambden Hills. She orders all recovery methods and meets with all the patients at least once a day. To my knowledge, there are 17 patients here being treated for various reason. She says that I’m one of the most shut-in people she’s ever met with. She believes she can open me up.


These are the things on my mind as I entered her office. It’s an extremely cheery place, with “inspirational” posters plastered on the walls. Its supposed to make me feel more comfortable while talking, but, since I don't do much talking, the posters really just creep me out. When I step into her office, she greets me.

“Hello, Daniel,” she said, grinning from ear to ear, as if she is actually happy to see me. I sit down on the couch next to her chair without speaking, the response she should be used to by now.
“How was your night?”

“Fine” I responded, shortly. I knew that she would start pounding me with questions sooner or later. She mostly asked generic questions about my social and family life, trying to see what pushed me over the edge.

“Are you ready for today’s sessions?” Dr. Jennings asked. When I don't answer, she moves on. “I’ll take that as a yes. Daniel, you know you won't get out of here until you learn to cooperate, don't you?” I stay silent. “Why won't you talk?”

I decide to give her a response here. “You would never understand,” I told her, even though her words broke through slightly. I do want to get out, but I have nowhere to go.

“Well, what do I need to understand?” Dr. Jennings probed. I didn’t answer, I didn't want to waste my breath. She then began to ask me a barrage of questions about my life back home. Nothing too serious, just simple questions, like if I had friends (yes), if I liked school(no), and questions like that.

“How do you feel about your family?” She asked. I didn’t answer immediately. I looked down at my feet, unsure of how to respond. Dr. Jennings noted my reaction before continuing. “ Do you not like your family, Daniel?”

“I liked my brother just fine.” I said, briefly.

“Were you two close?” Dr. Jennings asked, trying to pry more information.

“We were.” I respond, curtly.

“What happened to this relationship?”

I didn't responded. I didn't want to tell her what happened. She asked more questions about me and my brother, but I didn't respond. She only tried for about ten more minutes, when our morning session ended.

“We made a lot of progress this morning, Daniel,” she stated, as my escort came to take me back to my room. “I’m going to bring you in for a second session in one hour. Your escort will bring you back here. You may go now.” I stood up and walked out.

It was a quiet walk back to my room. My escort, Julie, didn’t talk much. She was a small girl, probably no older than 25. I tried asking her how she became a nurse at a mental hospital but she never answered. She told me that nurses weren't allowed to talk to isolated residents.

We arrived at my room after what seemed like an eternity of silence. She watched me go in and closed the door firmly behind me. Once I was in my room, I laid down in my bed. There wasn't much else to do in the room but sleep and reflect on what got you in this place, and I wasn't big on reflection. It was a small room, more like a cell than anything. There was one door to enter and exit the room and no windows. The only place for clothes was a two door dresser that had my gray pants, gray shirt, and my underwear. There was a small bathroom that only contained a shower. If I had to go, then I had to be escorted to a different room where I could be watched more carefully.


As I closed my eyes, I missed my freedoms that I took for granted. I never thought that there would be a place that I had to ask for permission to use the bathroom. Thoughts like these followed me into sleep, as I dreamed of my old life, before I ended up in here. When Julie woke me, tears were in my eyes.

“Bad dream?” She asked in a soft, relaxing voice. Her speaking caught me off guard; she had never started conversation.
“I thought you guys were supposed to stay silent?”

“I can talk to you if I feel you are in danger in anyway,” Julie responded, smugly, as I got out of bed to go back to Dr. Jennings. We left my room and began walking. Julie went back to her silence. This walk seemed longer, more lonely, after I heard Julie’s voice. Until that day, I hadn’t really felt the isolation part of being here. I had mostly been thinking on how much long I had to spend their, but Julie really made me feel truly alone here.

When I got to Dr. Jennings office, there was someone in the chair in front of her desk. He was a long, skinny boy, no older than 16. His long black hair fell loosely around his head, and as he turned to see who has interrupted his session, I saw no life in his eyes. He seemed like someone who has given up on life.

“Wonderful of you to join us, Daniel” Dr. Jennings greeted me, as I entered the room. “Please take a seat. I was just telling Joseph, here, the good news.” I sat down next to Joseph, timidly. His eyes lit up with curiosity as he stared at me.

“Joseph, you have been here for two weeks now and I have gotten very little from him.” Dr.Jennings started, grinning, ear to ear. “Daniel, this is your fourth day here and I have discovered that you had a close brother. Usually, I don't take patients out of isolation until they have given me enough out of their lives, but in this situation I feel that if I put you both together you can help each other open up here. That is why I have decided to make you both roommates.”

There was a silence in the room has Dr. Jennings’ words sprinkled onto Joseph and I. Joseph spoke first.

“ I don’t want to be his roommate.” He said, in a low voice, barely loud enough to be heard. “I was doing fine by myself.”

“No one said I want to be with you either,” I rebutted, not wanting to show how much I wanted to be taking out of isolation. The more I thought about having to back to that lonely cell, the more agonizing the loneliness seemed.

“Well, you boys will just have to learn to get along,” Dr.Jennings told us, firmly, silencing us both completely. “You will be together for three weeks unless I feel you can be alone. You guys will stay in the room together until dinner, when you will be escorted to the dining hall. You can leave now. Julie will take you to your room.” Dr.Jennings dismissed us and pulled out some paperwork.

As I walked to the door, I thought of the situation I was in. I wondered what it would be like to sleep with a complete stranger. As I opened, I began to realize that my stay here would be more different than anything I have ever experienced.