Sound of My Death | Teen Ink

Sound of My Death

December 22, 2012
By TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown


"Is she awake?"
"I believe so."
Their hasty voices echoed inside of my skull, sending throbbing vibrations with every syllable.
"Watch her eyes."
"Yes, sir."
The voices were louder and somehow closer. I felt warm breath caress my face.
"See the skin?"
"Yes, sir."
"Take notes."
The breath smelled sharp and pungent. The inside of my nose stung with each whiff.
"Have that down?"
"Yes, sir."
"Include the heart rate."
"Yes, sir."
I saw a flicker of bright white cross my vision. It grew bigger, blink by blink.
"Eyes open."
"Yes, sir."
There were hands and machinery attached to various parts of my body. I twitched, feeling their icy fingers and sharp nails.
"Watch the muscles. Her nerves are starting to react."
"Yes, sir."
My entire body shuddered. My eyes automatically drifted closed again, and each breath was labor in itself.
"Call a nurse!"
My fingers clenched themselves into unbreakable fists. The pungent air was gone.
"Nurse! Defibrillator!"
"Yes, sir."
The warmness on my cheek was gone. Their voices began to dissipate into the thick air.
"Nurse, go."
"Sir?"
My skull throbbed again, and my eyes were permanently shut.
I went to sleep to the sound of one long, lonesome, monotonous beep of my death.


The author's comments:
Random writing, like many of my others.

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This article has 6 comments.


on Mar. 26 2013 at 7:19 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Thank you very much!

on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:27 am
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 425 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

I honestly really like the shortness and randomness of it.  It's creepiness is better off uexplained.  It flows really nicely, having the same ammout of thought between the dialouge.  It leaves so much to the imagination but at the same time does so much with so few words!  Really, really like this!!

on Feb. 2 2013 at 2:20 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Thanks! I was aiming for a mysterious feel. Of course, I'll check out your poems! Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback!

on Feb. 2 2013 at 1:15 am
Jade.I.Am ELITE, Fishers, Indiana
214 articles 14 photos 1159 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose”
― Charles Bukowski

Loved the vagueness, personally. And I think you could do much more with this, I almost got a sci-fi vibe while reading it. Very intriguing and mysterious. Hey, if you're ever bored and have nothing else to do, will you comment on one of my poems? Any kind of criticism welcome at this point;)

on Jan. 8 2013 at 7:08 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Thanks for the feedback, first off. I agree with what you're saying, but I feel like I wrote the article vaguely so that the reader could interpret it in their own way. Feelings would make a difference, too. Thank you so much!

on Jan. 6 2013 at 6:23 pm
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments
This piece seemed a little vague. Maybe some more thought, or how the main charactor is feeling would help, or perhaps how they ended up in the hospital? Otherwise, I thought that it was a really cool article. It was a very intriguing idea that someone would be able to listen to their death, and be powerless against it. Keep it up! i think that this could be a work of art someday!