I'm just gonna spit it all out....Who am I.... Well I wonder if I will ever tell, without using a blog. But barefaced, in jeans and a tshirt - no makeup and hair up, standing there speaking....? I might go crazy because I don't want to be alone but I don't want to be with someone that doesn't love me, so it's okay. I'll be alone. I never thought these things would end this way. It kills me that it did.

These is me speaking. No one is listening. It doesn't matter. I'm not ready to let anyone know. I don't know how to feel now anyways. Wish it could have been easier. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm not dead. I was born to die, it just takes time.

I am a writer. I am dreamer. I am innocent. I want to find someone who will love me. I wont force someone to love me. I'd rather be alone then be lied to. I am always lied to. I say the cutest, charming, endearing things. I say God doesn't exist, but I want to believe. I call you at night when I feel desperate, I'm not desperate. I can go days without eating but now I want grilled cheese and soup and tea and Sangria mixed with pineapple juice and sprite.

I have no one in my life like in Taylor Swift song looking for love. But never mind. Besides I can have a different date each night if I want to. I win lots of guys over. And they make me happy to. It comes down to this tho : the drive home alone, seeing your face in my mind as I travel down the winding road, walking away as I leave. And you shut the door even tho I'm standing on your porch still. Thanks for dinner tho. Oh, and the two dozen roses, for telling me you would buy my paintings, want to give me the largest room in your house, for everything....

I have my own room and you will never see it.