Hi, my name is Joelle. I’m 14 years old, in the 9th grade, and I’m failing Algebra. Failing isn’t really as easy as you might think. I mean, you really have to try. You have to try HARD. You have to stay up late finishing homework, study your butt off trying to pass all those tests…And for what? Before you know it, grades come out one day, and you end up failing. By now, I’m pretty convinced we don’t even need Algebra. It’s pretty much as useful as World History. I mean really, when your grown up and everything, is someone really gonna come up and ask you what 364,000 squared is, or what the Confederate army was? Probably not. Maybe Algebra’s useful…if you’re planning on being like a rocket scientist or something…Yeah, I’m definitely not planning on being a rocket scientist.


I’m failing Algebra with a “D”, if that even makes any difference. Last semester I failed with a “D” also. But since the U.S Government made Algebra a required class, I have to re-take that first semester over again this summer, which sucks. Plus, my mom has to pay my school $250 to re-take just this semester (sadly, not including the other $250 if I fail this semester). $250 plus $250 is $500. You can buy sooo much stuff with $500. Like…hmmm… maybe an iPad! Or an iPhone! Or chocolate! Yeah…anyways... Albert Einstein failed Algebra and Geometry, and look at him now…dead. No, no, no, no, just kidding!!! Bad joke. What I meant to say was world famous. Basically, I’ve come to conclusion that I’d better become famous so that: A.) People will forget how “help-less” I am, and B.) I’ll become so famous that I can either low-key pay my school off to let me pass Algebra. Or, my insane amount of fans and paparazzi will cause such a riot, forcing them to let me pass. Or, the U.S Government will get rid of Algebra altogether, therefore causing the rates of people getting into college to skyrocket, and other people like me (who are failing Algebra), to break out of their continuous episodes of depression and numerous disorders, realizing what a happy, wonderful world we live in. OK, maybe this whole thing is a little over the top and whatever, but it’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it until someone finds an easier way to pass 9th grade algebra.


I really hate the people who passed Algebra in eighth grade, with their “pssshh, Algebra was easy.” “I passed algebra with an A++”, crap. When I was in eighth grade, I was in “Algebra Readiness”. “Algebra Readiness” was basically just a class where they “prepared” us for Algebra, by going over basic math concepts. Obliviously they didn’t prepare me enough, since I’m still using a calculator to figure out -5-7. Oh well…so much for my summer vacation. So much for my iPad.