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Memories

April 29, 2011
By bookworm29 PLATINUM, Rockville, Maryland
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bookworm29 PLATINUM, Rockville, Maryland
28 articles 2 photos 61 comments
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As the sun shone through the grimy windows, I pressed my fingers against the graffiti covered wall as the ghosts of memory whispered in my ears. That day when Ms. Alice taught us our alphabet, taught us to read and write. One memory shone above all, like a cursed diamond in the mud: the day the devils invaded my haven. They came, in black suits and piercing stares, to glare down at us and inspect every corner of the school. Our room was last, and, with its bright green, peeling paint on the cracked walls, seemed to be the one they disapproved of the most. We all hid behind our mother, the teacher, seeking refuge from the tall, dark strangers that were in our happy, safe classroom. It was my last day there, and I never returned until today.

© Gianna V., Sewell, NJ

The author's comments:
I was looking through the images that accompany articles and then I came across one that inspired this story.
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This article has 25 comments.

holly1999 GOLD said...
on Oct. 11 2013 at 2:45 pm
holly1999 GOLD, Middlesbrough, Other
12 articles 8 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
'There was no need to clarify my finger snap, the implication was clear in the snap itself' - Magnus Bane

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Amazing writing! Perefct description and imagery. Great idea to write the story to match the picture, rather that the other way around. I really liked this. You're a great writer! :)
AnInkling SILVER said...
on Oct. 3 2013 at 11:12 am
AnInkling SILVER, Castle Rock, Colorado
6 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;This is your life. Is it everything you dreamed that it would be, when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?&rdquo; Switchfoot<br /> &ldquo;Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?&rdquo; Galatians 4:16

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I really liked your discriptive language, though it might have been nice to have it a little bit longer and with some dialogue. My only other comment would be that the second sentence is actually a sentence fragment.
GuardianoftheStars GOLD said...
on Jul. 23 2013 at 3:53 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Let&#039;s tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them.&quot;<br /> -John Erslcine

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That was chilling. In so few words it told an amazing story! You are super talented.
darkerthanblack GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2013 at 12:22 pm
darkerthanblack GOLD, Dhaka, Other
12 articles 4 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
fight weakness or perish

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nice way of using ur visualisations, wonder art u got.  
Superhero_Fan SILVER said...
on Jul. 6 2013 at 10:04 pm
Superhero_Fan SILVER, Tomorrowland, California
7 articles 1 photo 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Impossible; for How many people did you know who refracted your own light to you?&rdquo; - Fahrenheit 451

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I liked this, but I agree with all the people who said you needed a different title. Other than that, it was pretty good. I WAS left wondering what'd actually happened, but I know you meant to do that, so... Uh, yeah. I thought it was a great idea to use the picture to define the story instead of the other way around. I'll have to try it. 
But anyway, great job and keep writing!
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2013 at 7:14 am
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - &quot;Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.&rdquo;

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Very good, the description was excellent and you managed to show the emotions of it as well. Like all flash fiction pieces, it leaves out vital background information, but this works due to the focus on his feelings and it leaves the imagination wondering.
The only exception I would point out is that (correct me if I'm wrong) it should be "the ghosts of memories whispered..." not "memory".
Other than that, everything is very cleverly written.
IMSteel BRONZE said...
on Apr. 28 2013 at 2:52 pm
IMSteel BRONZE, Wallhala, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 128 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Learn from Yesterday, live for Today, hope for Tomorrow&quot; - Albert Einstein<br /> <br /> &quot;Brevity is the Soul of Wit&quot; - The Which

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Wonderful description, and great imagery!  I like it a lot!  Keep writing!  Please comment on my story, The Voyages of the Waved Albatross.  It's on the front page of the novels, Historical Fiction section.  Thanks a lot!
plathfanatic GOLD said...
on Apr. 22 2013 at 4:30 pm
plathfanatic GOLD, Elmont, New York
10 articles 0 photos 8 comments

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&quot;If there is a god, I bet he looks down at us and laughs at our foolish ways.&quot;

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I love how you did the complete opposite of most, and created a story around a picture. Its amazing how this was short yet so descriptive. I agree with some of the other comments, it leaves a lot to the imagination and that just makes it so much more interesting! Keep writing :)
KealliiRaycene BRONZE said...
on Apr. 19 2013 at 8:48 pm
KealliiRaycene BRONZE, Sumter, South Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
So what? All writers are lunatics- Cornelia Funk

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Beautiful! And it leaves something to the imagination as well! I could see it all through your words!
WritingSpasms said...
on Jun. 10 2011 at 3:57 pm
WritingSpasms, Los Angeles, California
0 articles 0 photos 121 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Devils run when a good man goes to war.&quot;<br /> - River Song from Doctor Who (Ep. A Good Man Goes to War)

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This is really good in terms of being developed solely from a picture. In fact, I think this is the only article I've ever read on here where the author makes it known that the piece is inspired by an image. This is some good work! Keep writing :)
.Izzy. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 9 2011 at 11:59 pm
.Izzy. BRONZE, Broadview Heights, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 388 comments
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Short, but quantity doesn't necessarily mean quality! I like how the story is coordinated with the picture. The only thing I would suggest is a catchier title, something which will draw in more readers. Other than that, very well done.
JoPepper PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 8 2011 at 7:01 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Not all those who wander are lost&quot; --JRR Tolkien<br /> <br /> &quot;When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears.&quot; --Jose&#039; Bergamin

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That is really good I love it I definatally think you should add on!!!! :))
Llamaland said...
on Jun. 5 2011 at 9:05 pm
It's criticism, miss bookworm! lolz
MidnightWriter SILVER said...
on May. 16 2011 at 7:55 am
MidnightWriter SILVER, Ontario, Other
6 articles 0 photos 225 comments

Favorite Quote:
Writers are a less dangerous version of the career criminal. Everywhere they go, they see the potential for the perfect crime. The difference is that writers have better self control.

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I like the idea, but I think the title could be a little more creative. It was enjoyable to read.
Garnet77 PLATINUM said...
on May. 16 2011 at 4:12 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 577 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Everything&#039;s a triangle.&quot; ~ My mother<br /> <br /> &quot;Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it&#039;s the easiest way to be heard.&quot;

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I love how it connects with the picture! I think you should definitely add on to this and complete the story. I think you could do a lot with this beginning. :)
idk240 said...
on May. 15 2011 at 1:31 pm
IT WAS AWESOME!!! write more plz...
Cmt137 BRONZE said...
on May. 15 2011 at 9:43 am
Cmt137 BRONZE, Lake Forest, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
I find the best way to stay grounded is to let my mind roam free most of the time.

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good but short! i like that's it's based off the picture too but that doesn't mean u can't expand! make it something more
AddictedToWriting BRONZE said...
on May. 15 2011 at 12:56 am
AddictedToWriting BRONZE, La Grande, Oregon
3 articles 5 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Writer&#039;s Block is when your characters get fed up with all you put them through and go on strike.&quot; -- Anonomous<br /> &quot;A Writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.&quot;--Thomas Mann

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Wow.  This is really good.  And I really liked the fact that it was all inspired from a random picture--that's not something a lot of people can do.

The only thing I would suggest is about the first sentence "As the sun shone through the grimy windows...in my ears".  Read the sentence (not the abbreviated version I put on here.  The full one :P) out loud.  Particulary the "As the sun...as the ghosts...".  It's kind of a run-on sentence, and it's a little strange.  I don't really think I can give you a suggestions, as you'd have to change around your word choice, not just add punctuation, so it's up for interperetation by you.

 

Great job with this!  I really love the way you pulled such a story out of this photo.  :D

SJ_101 said...
on May. 14 2011 at 12:09 pm
SJ_101, Somewhere, New York
0 articles 0 photos 169 comments
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Wow . . . I love the way you used your words. Honestly, I couldn't find anything wrong with it. :) Seriously, though, I think you should definitely write more!
TheParanoidOne said...
on May. 14 2011 at 11:44 am
i mean that it is really good but you  tend to exagerate any relation that isn't family.