Behind that Smile | Teen Ink

Behind that Smile

April 27, 2011
By inksplatteredfingerz SILVER, Union, New Jersey
inksplatteredfingerz SILVER, Union, New Jersey
8 articles 4 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true--we call it history."--the Wizard; Wicked

I was crying last night. Could you tell? I doubt it. My room was pitch black and we were on the phone, so you wouldn't have seen either way. I breathed through my mouth and spoke slowly, so you wouldn't hear my sniffles or the slight shake in my voice.

I was ashamed that I was crying. Especially since I knew you weren't.

I wish I was like you. I want to hide my sadness the way make-up hides my flaws. I want to block out my pain the way sunglasses block out the sun. I want to brush off my problems like dandruff sitting on my shoulder.

I wish I had a mask. One that smiles for me when the effort is just too much. One that evaporates my tears before they stream down my face and auto-tunes my voice when it's in danger of cracking. One that I'm sure I won't find at Party City.

I wish I had an ice-maker. I want to build an ice fort around my heart. I want it to freeze the emotions that make me weak. To numb the ache that will never go away. To protect myself from future pain—future weakness.

And if all scars were visible, then I'd wish for a leather jacket. One that makes me look tough as I wish I was. With sleeves so tight that they are impossible to push back up my arms. I'd run a thread through the teeth and zip it up to my neck so no one will ever see what lies beneath. Because once that's exposed, so am I.

The author's comments:
Sometimes a smile is just a frown turned upside-down. Sometimes we laugh to hide how much we want to cry. Sometimes "I'm fine" means, "I'm hurting." And sometimes, when we act like that, it's not because we don't want to open up, it's because we don't want TO WANT to open up.

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This article has 4 comments.

Aderes47 GOLD said...
on May. 29 2011 at 9:25 am
Aderes47 GOLD, Cambridge, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 897 comments

Favorite Quote:
You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.
Henry Drummond

I can so totally relate to this!! 

I love this piece. It's beautiful!!:) 

I was trying to write something like this but I just couldn't find the words. 

on May. 10 2011 at 10:55 am
SuNshiNe007 ELITE, Magee Ms., Mississippi
120 articles 0 photos 306 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never Give Up, And Know That God Will Always Love You!

Hey I like this. You did an amazing job in the way you used your words too. Your like me in a way, I keep things locked up to, that's how I have so many writings..Keep up the amazing work;)

on May. 10 2011 at 7:39 am
inksplatteredfingerz SILVER, Union, New Jersey
8 articles 4 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where I'm from, we believe all sorts of things that aren't true--we call it history."--the Wizard; Wicked

i'm the kind of person who holds things in. and when i can't, i write.  i actually wrote this right after a really long venting conversation with my friend one night. things are getting better now but they weren't so hot when i wrote this. i didn't think my feelings translated into this so strongly but thx for sympathizing=). my friend has actually been telling me what you just said now, you just explained it better.

on May. 9 2011 at 5:59 pm
meilindusk423 SILVER, North Potomac, Maryland
9 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Only when the lies are laid bare and the mask stripped off, can the heart truly heal. It's human instinct to shield away from pain and anything with the potential to hurt but only by enduring such pain, can one truly become stronger than before and stand up taller with one's head held high.

I guess I'm trying to say I can empathize? People will ask you what's wrong and you reply that you're tired when you really cried yourself to sleep last night. You smile when deep down, you want to cry as long and hard as you can. And when you laugh, you're silently screaming on the inside and you hope someone, anyone can hear your pleas for help. Yet, they remain deaf or simply don't understand. And there's nothing else we can do, is except smile through our tears and hold our head high.

Haha, maybe my interpretation is a little bit off? But hey, just keep your chin up. You will make through it.