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I DON'T LIKE being alone. The tears never stop and I always drown. I drown in the tears hidden by the wonderous rain as my fears whisper in my ears to fall down... They just beg and I must run away from this place to conquer this measly pain. I am weak so I stand in the rain.
I just hope not to drown... I can almost feel myself falling as though at the beach and stepping into the sand to actually find nothing but empty space... I'm sure I would go under.. I know I wouldn't come back up.
Mother died a couple years ago and father has remarried... I'm the dark zit scar from his past. He has remarried a bimbo blonde. I know she is not really blonde, I can see her roots, but she fits the part.... Not all blondes are stupid though, my best friend Carrie Yale is blonde with red highlights.
Anyway, I'm apparently to dark and sad looking to them. Father says that I need to stop wearing black lipstick and he walked in on me drawing black lines on my mouth again.. I was simply exspressing the fact that they force me to put on a sickly smile that I know is going to put wrinkles in my face. I already have them! Liitle lines that crease at the corner of my mouth, ofcourse the bimbo blonde, Kate, has nothing to worry about since she keeps gluing her face to place with that botox s***.
To be truthful I'm happy to leave... Well, in someways, yes. But, in others... Not really.. I've changed since mother died with my twin brother. When he died I knew it. It felt like part of me was ripped away since we looked exactly alike. I mean he was more on the jock side and I was on the darker side... I'm not 'emo' or 'gothic' like most people say... My brother, Tom, has gotten in numerous fights for people nicknaming me "Elmo' and asking me if I could cut their grass instead of my wrists... Somedays I fight too and just wish Mother and Tom where here to tell me I would make it through this day as well as the next...
When Tom was alive he didn't really date so the girls became jealous and began to pass rumors about him.. And me. You see Tom was extremely protective sooo... He made sure to keep an eye on the men or little boys that dated me. Our classmates, having nasty minds as they must to feel better about themselves, said he and I slept in the same bed and did other things that only boyfriend and girlfriend or (as my father says) husband and wife should do on their wedding night. Father can't really say much since I know for a fact that him and Kate where having nightly affairs before mother died and I hate him for it. He simply does not understand since I have yet to tell him that I know. Whatever.
He is sending me to some mental clinic where they are going to quiz me and see if I should stay for observation. I'm in the car now and the rain is pouring hard onto the windsheild as the thunder crackles. My father jumps and car swirves a bit and I smirk at his nervousness. He give me a dirty look so I look out the window suddenly interested in the white line on the side of the road, it has little rough things that make noises on the tires when you go over them so the patterns changed slightly and it looks like it is chasing after you. I grinned and wondered what it would be like to run my finger over them....
"What are you smiling about Annabelle? You're about to be questioned at the clinic about the cuts Kate saw on your f***ing wrists for God's sake!" Father said angrily, I loved the way his eyebrows scrunched when he was mad.. Just like Tom's.
"I miss Tom," I paused to take a breath," When you're mad you look just like him..." I frowned.
Father cleared his throat and the car filled with the uneasy silence a funeral has.
"Dad?" I asked.
"Call me father Annabelle, you know what I prefer."
I looked away and rolled my eyes and to hide a tear before whispering," I'm-- I'm sorry."
Father looked at me with raised eyebrows," Umm, why?"
"Cause," I wiped the betraying tear off my cheek and looked at him," I'm not a good daughter."
"Oh, cut the bull Annabelle." Father said looking at me coldly, I thought I saw a bit of sadness but it was gone less than a second after it surfaced.
I didn't answer, I just looked out the window at the oncoming black clouds, silently wishing I was at home reading a book and in my fantasy world.
"Annabelle?" Father asked.
I looked over at him and his eyes where on the road but I saw a tear in them just threatening to pop out any moment.
"Yes, father?" I said quietly looking down at my darkly painted finger nails.
He cleared his throat," You're adopted."
"Wh-" I started but he cut me off.
"We took you and your brother from a mother whom had triplets. We took you and Tom cause you two looked the most alike and your mother... Never knew. She had twins also. They died from being born to early. I figured she would not notice since you both had her dark hair and seemed to have my light curls. Tom even had my eyebrows and you both have my eyes. It was perfect and the woman... Your true mother was.. Sickly." Father or whomever he was said quickly, he took a deep breath afterwards as though something was lifted off his chest.
"Who is my father?" I asked," Is my real mother alive? Why'd-" I asked and again he cut me off.
"Now you just wait a minute Annabelle!" Father half yelled.
I looked at him, really looked at him and knew he could not possibly be my and Tom's father. Sure he raised us but I'm almost sure he never loved us as he probabaly would have loved his two lost souls of the womb. He scared me, really scared me shitless and I was almost a grown woman, 17, barely though.
"I do not know about your true parents Annabelle. They did not even try to keep contact. We would not have let them anyway. You look just like your real mother though. She was beautiful." He looked at me with the softest expression I'd ever seen on his face and actually managed to look ten years younger than usual... Handsome I suppose.
"Th-thank you father." I whispered and looked down.
He didn't answer so I looked out the window at the still pouring rain. It seemed snow had started to mix in with it.
"How far 'till the clinic father?" I asked still looking out the window.
"Five minutes." He answered.
"Okay." I whispered hearing something scary in his voice.
I huddled against the door and closed my eyes hoping for some sleep to pass the next 300 or so seconds. It did not work so I sat back up with a , "Hump."
I wonder why father adopted Tom and I. He hates me... I think. I mean, he loved Tom... Probabaly since he looked like him a lot and became his pride and joy. I guess his 'Godly' side got the better of him.. I just must find out if there is another reason. I hope there are nice people at this clinic... I hope....If only I knew the s*** I was about to get into.