The Wish List of a Materialist | Teen Ink

The Wish List of a Materialist

June 6, 2010
By kread18 DIAMOND, Berkeley, California
kread18 DIAMOND, Berkeley, California
65 articles 0 photos 33 comments

“Excuse me, I’d like to return a purchase I made last week.”

“Of course, do you have the receipt?”

“Yeah, it’s right here.”

“And what seemed to be the problem with your…”

“Venus Embrace. I bought a Venus Embrace and I don’t feel like it properly… how do you say it… revealed the goddess in me.”

“Um…. Pardon?”

“You know, I shaved my legs with this razor and it just didn’t feel like the commercial. I mean, it certainly didn’t glide effortlessly like in the commercial, and it didn’t make me smile the same way. The girl on TV looked like she was having the time of her life.”

“So, you think there’s something wrong with the product because… I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand.”

“Oh you men are all the same. Obviously using this razor is not everything it’s cut out to be. I mean, the girls on the commercial had beautiful long hair and dresses that blew in the ocean breeze. They looked happy and confident to be who they were, and they certainly had an easier time picking up men than I have. It just didn’t do the same thin for me. It’s the same way that shaving cream promised me I would get Skintimate with my legs, and how Always Infinity promised me a happier period. If the people on TV are more content with their lives by using these products, why can’t I be? I know it can happen, but first I need to exchange this product. I think it’s broken.”

“And I think you’re a little broken in the heard. I should knock on your door and sell you Tupperware. You seem like the kind of person that would pay good money for it if I told you it would make you more beautiful.”

“How much?”

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