The cold air struck my skin as I walked out into the grey world. It was going to rain, I knew it. You could tell just by how the sky looked dark and dreary. You could even smell it; it was going to start any minute now.

I wonder if when it rains like that, it’s the sky crying for whatever reason. I mean look at everything it has to see day after day. I’d cry like that too. But it’s weird isn’t it? It rains and pours and sometimes the weather is just like how you feel. This isn’t a thunderstorm with the black sky and the flashing lightning followed by exploding booms. No, it’s not a beautiful disaster like that; it’s sad and sullen rain. Like pain or hurt. Like it finally can’t take this anymore and it just breaks down. It's as simple and heart breaking as that.

Or at least that’s how I like to look at it. I guess only because that’s how I feel right now. So it only makes sense that I’d be standing here, now, in this, in the middle of it all. The verge of breaking down or keeping it all locked up inside.

I felt the first drop. It fell right on my nose. “Here it comes,” I whispered to myself, and satisfied, I started walking. I didn’t really know where I was going, but I wanted to be anywhere but here. I felt another drop, then another, and another until I finally looked up at the sky. It looked like a big bucket was about to gush down all over me. Each drop began to multiply falling faster, harder, and bigger. I felt safe now, ready to start crying. I only cry when it rains like this, because at least then people won’t know I’m crying it could just be the rain soaking my face, not my tears. Nobody would know… or at least that’s what I try to tell myself.

The tears began to well up, just like the rain, first, just a drop and then slowly forming into a stream running down my cheeks. All those memories just came flooding back, the call, my heart sinking, and not being able to cry, not knowing what was going to happen. Not knowing if it’d all be okay.


I got the call. It was the night of the Homecoming Dance. I was going with Jimmy, a good friend of mine, sometimes more. He got close to my family and me, so when my phone rang, I immediately let him answer since I was driving and it was my mom.

“For real? Why?” Jimmy said, his face flashing a ping of worry. My mom said something into the phone that I couldn’t comprehend. Once they got off, I was in a hurry to know what was wrong.

“What’s going on?” I asked, glancing at Jimmy.

“Your mom said the pictures will have to be fast, your dad’s in the ER with Hunter,” he spoke slowly.

“What?! Why?!”

“I don’t know.”

As soon as we got there, I asked my mom right away what happened. But, she didn’t know either. We had a guess though.

Hunter’s my younger brother. We’re a lot different and he’s a lot more curious about things than I am. He’s done lots of things he shouldn’t and experimented with far more things then you would’ve thought, with his cool friends of course, while I stay away from all that. He was grounded for a long time when we found out, but my parents were finally letting him spend some time with a couple of friends, only for two hours. We didn’t think a couple hours could turn things around drastically.

We rushed the pictures only getting a few good ones in, but then my mom had to leave. Annabel, my friend, wouldn’t stop calling. She wanted us to meet her and her date for more pictures, and she wanted to now. It wasn’t that easy though, my body was trembling with worry. But she didn’t know that. After being completely annoyed with her unknown selfishness, Jimmy and I just went to eat.

After a few hours of that constant nerve-racking wonder, I texted my mom to see if they were done. Nothing. I couldn’t concentrate; I didn’t know what was going on. Finally, when we were paying, I got the call I was expecting…but nothing I was looking forward to.

“Hunter is out now,” she was short, her voice tense.

“Well, what happened?”

“He has alcohol poisoning.”

And my heart sank. Just like that. Those four words made it feel like walls were falling on top of me, crushing everything. She didn’t tell me much more. She told me to go have fun at the dance. But how can you when your brother just reached an all time low and you’re scared out of your mind? You can’t.

By the time I got home that night, I found out what all happened. He chugged a bottle of whiskey and eventually passed out in the park with his friends all around him. When my dad went to pick him up, his friends lied and said he hit his head playing football. But my dad could smell the alcohol on him. What cool friends, huh? They lie when their friend is passed out with alcohol poisoning. He could have hit his head very hard on the ground and lost a lot of blood because it would be so thin, or he could have choked on his own vomit.

He was a complete mess, not able to function at all. Multiple people had to pour him into a wheelchair and they had to cut his clothes off because his body temperature was so high. They could hardly even put him into the robe. He would vomit everywhere. He was a disaster. I just looked at his limp body, lying motionless as he was passed out on the couch. Unable to move, not knowing what was going on…

My own brother, my 13 year old brother could have died that night. Just one more drink, throw up just one more time, hit his head just one time harder, or my dad have gotten there one second too late, and who knows what could have happened. All because of the choices he made and the influence of drugs and idiotic friends. I guess I never really realized what just one more thing can do to someone.


I’m still walking in the rain, thinking back to what could have happened, and what’s going on now, everything has just gotten worse. Because this is the anniversary of his almost could have happened death, his stupid accident. And instead of being at the dance like a normal teenager would be, I’m walking in the cold rain, with tears running down my face, because I’m not sure if I’ll be okay. These memories still haunt me. Because of what happened, my whole family is now forever changed; I don’t know how to do this anymore. It feels like its going to rain forever.

And just as I was about to stop, and turn around to go back, not able to face the cold rain anymore, I saw you, walking towards me, a smile on your face, arms open wide, and the sun started to break through the clouds, just like that.