Chapter 1: Me

I found myself crying again. Hi I’m Nicole I find my life to be very difficult. It all started about a year ago when I first came to middle school. I was “normal” me or what I act like at school. Most people call me weird, stupid, ugly, and not to mention annoying. That’s what the “pops” say anyway. I really don’t care what they say but after awhile it hurts. Now I have a really big crush on this guy and I fell all weird around him. I’ve known him since forever always bugging him but until this year I never knew I liked him my friend always said I did but I never believed her. I don’t know what changed my mind just one day I looked at him differently and I don’t know something just clicked. His name is Kyle. Well I found out that I liked him in Tech Ed. We have the same 6th period so we have switched like you’re supposed to. Me I’m excited and a little afraid to embarrass myself. I do that a lot.
Well today was worse I don’t believe my friends. My best friend moved away about nine months ago. I miss Elizabeth so much. We were like two peas in a pod, we did everything together. I miss her so much yea she comes up sometimes but very little I get to see her and I don’t ever want to lose her as a friend. Without her I’m nothing it feels like. I put on a good show at school never showing my pain. Almost nobody knows about my pain, not even my parents. They know almost nothing about my life. Which is kind of sad if you think about it. I mean it is mostly my fault for not telling them anything but I kind of like it better this way. I don’t need them to know every detail of my embarrassing life. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear off the face of the earth and no one would remember me. Life would be better for everyone that way. I would have never hurt anybody and I wouldn’t have to hurt like I do when I feel invisible. I wish I could be like the princess in all the fairy tale books where my night in shining armor would come and sweep me off my feet and live happily ever after. But that only happens in my dreams. I wish it was real. I want my happy ending. It won’t come easily, I know it.
Well I hope today is better than yesterday but I don’t know. Well I got to tell you first and second period sucked third and fourth no better and fifth, six, and seventh were not even going to talk about. Home sucked and I am alone again. Nothing to do I’m like starving and I can’t find anything good.
He saw me today and I don’t know, every time he looks at me I get butterflies in my stomach he’s the only reason I haven’t run away yet. Yes, I have thought about running away. I almost did it once too but that was before the thing in Tech Ed. happened and I’ve been procrastinating. Typical me procrastinating because of the boy. I wish I could have never had that thing. I would have been gone by now. I will leave soon though I’m packed and ready. I will leave when I feel most ready but first I should explain to you what had happened in Tech Ed.
Now as you know I was miserable and wanted nothing to do with anything but then I just glanced at him. Just a quick glance and then I looked and saw him differently. Not like he looked different or anything… more like I didn’t want to look away and I didn’t until class was over and then he walked away no one noticed me starring no one ever does… I’m just invisible I guess but maybe just maybe if he were to see I would have a reason to stay…