What is right or wrong? Can you tell me? Or are you just another teenager? My name’s Justin. And I’m different.

High School isn’t really high school to me. I make my own schedule. My take my classes when I want to. I get a laptop just like very other student at my school. My parents say it’s all for a good education so I can get a good job.

Why do I need a good job?

So you can support yourself.

Why?

That’s the way it is.

In our lives there’s only two ways of “living” life. You do it right and become successful or you do it wrong and you don’t become successful. We’re all trapped no matter what.

This atmosphere is a cage for our lungs. These bodies are cages for our bodies.

Are there other ways to live life? Can I meet somewhere in between?

The only way to escape is death. But I’m not allowed to kill myself because of my religion. So everyday I wait for a car to hit me. A robber to accidentally pull the trigger. Or maybe a giant anvil from a coyote can fall on my head. Anything will do. Just get me out of here.

Marla said that she could die at any moment, the tragedy was that she didn’t.
-Fight Club

My names Justin, and this is my journey to the end.

My eyes haven’t opened yet but I know I’m awake. The sunlight burns through my eye lids and the air smells of pancakes. The birds are chirping and the sky is blue. Just another great day in Southern California.

I always wonder if other teenagers think the way I do? Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m thinking. A lot of the time my mind can be filled with nothing but colors, emotions, and abyss. Do you understand me? Are you thinking of what your reading? If not, stop reading because this isn’t for you.

I through the covers off me and rubbed my eyes. The body. Every single part of it is connected to your brain. Your brain is doing it all. Even if your unaware of it. The brain is a wondrous machine.

I took a cold shower like always do. When I sleep I have a trouble slipping into full sub consciousness. The con: I never wake up feeling completely anew. The pro: I remember just about every dream. The cold shower helps me fulfill that need for my body to feel anew in the morning. It feels especially well when the water rains on my face. Relaxes the face muscles. And that a good thing because for the rest of the day I most likely won’t be able to stop my forehead from scrunching up.

I then slip on my clothes even though my body isn’t completely dry. I skip the under because of the line from the movie Stripes starring Bill Murray.

Girls like me because…I almost never wear underwear and when I do it’s usually something unusual.
-Stripes

I get down stairs and I find out that those pancakes were meant for a little sister. Of course she didn’t eat all of them and by the time I get to them they’re old and cold.

I open my self some yogurt, I eat an apple and that’s my breakfast.

My mom’s nagging me once more. About school. My grades are slipping. And when I say this I’m sure you can all agree: Grades are like a beast, you can keep them controlled for a while but in the end the caged beast gets loose.

When parent’s get mad at one thing it isn’t right that they take out their anger on us. For example, my brother’s a drug addict that threw his life away cause he won’t go to college. When my mom gets mad at him she takes it out on me.

Step 1

We sit in the car on the way to school and I put classical music on my iPod to drain out my mother and little sister. It’s too early for my brain to handle them. I off somewhere. I’m not even in reality. I never live in the now. Some say yoga would help this. I don’t even know how it happened. All my life I’ve been this way. My mind’s just always been somewhere else. Nothings real to me. I’m lost.

Do you feel me? Do you see where I’m coming from? Or are you not a thinker? Do you grab life by the balls like every other teenager? Or do you think about it all? I think too much.

Author’s Note

This is part one. If this gets accepted and people like it, I might write part two. So let me know. Writing helps mental illness, so be a part of my cure.