The Last Kiss | Teen Ink

The Last Kiss

September 29, 2009
By StephenieReneeBaker SILVER, Colorado, Colorado
StephenieReneeBaker SILVER, Colorado, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't promise my forever when your just going to break my heart.


Jareds soft lips touch mine. I pull away slowley, and open my eyes. A small smile appers across his face. I giggle. My mother calls me in. I laugh as I run to my house. I turn around, and wave goodbye.

The bright sun rises over the moutain. I go out side to see Jared. His beautiful green eyes met mine. It's as if my heart is doing flips. He lightly kisses me, but nothing like befor. This time it was as if somethig was wrong.

As we walk to the park he seems angry, or sad I can't tell. I ask him whats wrong. He tells me he wants to talk. I try to say okay , but there is a lump in my throught inabling the word from coming out, so I just shake my head.

We get there, and sit on the hard bench wet from last nights rain. A tear falls from his eye,as I wrap him in a hug. He tells me that he is very sick, and isn't going to live much longer. I gasp as he tells me the rest. His voice cracked when he tells me we need ti brake up. I told him we need each other. Then he tells me okay, and I call my mom to pick us up.

A week later he asked me to marrie him. I say yes. We get married right there on his bed.

The day after that he tells me he is about to die right there. so I give A kiss, the last kiss.


The author's comments:
I wrote this story last year after watching "The Note Book"

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This article has 38 comments.


ani70 said...
on Jun. 27 2011 at 6:45 pm
ani70, Lexington, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 53 comments
this story seems very rushed. so if the author doesn't give the time to write it, the reader won't give the time to read it. grammar issues. spelling issues. maybe you could work on style? maybe you could try re-reading this. this almost feels like a summary. there's so much potential suspense and romance in here. but with what you've submitted, it's almost impossible for the reader to feel what you might have tried to make us feel when you wrote this.

Mye.Lin SILVER said...
on Jun. 5 2011 at 12:13 pm
Mye.Lin SILVER, Toronto, Ohio
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Justify your existence.<br /> Create meaning&quot; -unknown

Some possible improvements to make it better:

1. Spelling and grammar check

2. Dialogue

3. More extensive vocabulary

4. More description; make the reader feel as if they are really in the scene

5. Get rid of overused phrases, 'it's as if my heart is doing flips'


on Jan. 2 2011 at 3:10 pm
KaylynVictoria SILVER, Breaux Bridge, Louisiana
5 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
Always keep your head up so you never have an excuse to look down at yourself(:

I agree with you 100%. I also loved the plot. It was breathtaking and original. But she should have reread it so she could have caught the mistakes. But I loved it nonetheless.

reenay_95 GOLD said...
on Jan. 2 2011 at 2:41 pm
reenay_95 GOLD, West Lafayette, Indiana
16 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can&#039;t see the stars if you are always looking down.

I like the plot, but you could add more description and dialogue. I noticed a few spelling errors too. Very romantic (:

on Oct. 22 2010 at 3:17 pm
StephenieReneeBaker SILVER, Colorado, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t promise my forever when your just going to break my heart.

I understand this.

Erudite GOLD said...
on Jul. 10 2010 at 2:31 pm
Erudite GOLD, Rawalpindi, Other
19 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
trust your heart<br /> if the seas catch fire<br /> (and live by love<br /> though the stars walk backward)

nice, love it!

by the way, it reminds me of "a walk to remember" not "the notebook"..


on Jun. 14 2010 at 2:13 pm
--LoveHappens--, Fairfield, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 342 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A friend is someone who knows you, but loves you anyway&quot;

Cute story line but the writing needs work.... you should make it longer and add description about everything thats going on... it has great potential... check out my story The Wilted Flower and The Pretty One I think you would enjoy it. Thanks and good job

on May. 27 2010 at 5:09 pm
AngelGal07 GOLD, Ferndale, Washington
11 articles 4 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you do not love God then you do not know God for God is love&quot; 1 John 4:8

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! i love it!!!!!!!

on Feb. 28 2010 at 7:56 pm
Sweatheart SILVER, BPT, Connecticut
5 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can do anything

This is really great although you should watch

out for those grammmatical errors keep on writing CHECK OUT MY STUFF TOO

on Feb. 28 2010 at 12:13 pm
xLoVeLyCuTiEe428x PLATINUM, Nanuet, New York
24 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It&#039;s not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.&quot; <br /> &mdash; Taylor Swift

Wow. Amazing. Well-written. Just .. loved it.

on Dec. 25 2009 at 1:18 am
SerenityMine BRONZE, Not Saying, California
2 articles 0 photos 156 comments
That was sad, but good. Good job.

on Dec. 24 2009 at 3:19 pm
ilovetinkerbell GOLD, Raytown, Missouri
13 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be yourself!!!

I really liked this. It is really sad but it is really good at the same time. keep up the good work.

on Dec. 2 2009 at 6:33 pm
dragonfan SILVER, Arcidia, Indiana
9 articles 1 photo 213 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Death truly makes an artist&quot;

aww this is so good but really sad it made me want to cry =*( hehe

Abbz7193 GOLD said...
on Nov. 25 2009 at 10:28 am
Abbz7193 GOLD, Denver, Colorado
17 articles 1 photo 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t take life to seriously... nobody gets out alive anyways! :)

POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Abbz7193 GOLD said...
on Nov. 25 2009 at 10:27 am
Abbz7193 GOLD, Denver, Colorado
17 articles 1 photo 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t take life to seriously... nobody gets out alive anyways! :)

oh that movies so sad!! i... amazingly... cryed at the end and i don't usually cry when it comes to movies!

on Nov. 14 2009 at 7:37 pm
Babygurl_101 SILVER, N/A, California
8 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Angels are the quiet girls that just havent been noticed yet&quot;<br /> &quot;The past is the past, and i am your futuer.&quot; (&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3&lt;3)

wow, ur writting is very good!! this poem was very sad, but AWESOME!!!

keep up the writting

on Nov. 10 2009 at 1:07 pm
lauren_b SILVER, Flower Mound, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you love something set it free, if their meant to be with you, they&#039;ll come back&quot;

Awww i liked it.. very sad, but pretty good..

on Oct. 29 2009 at 9:01 am
StephenieReneeBaker SILVER, Colorado, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t promise my forever when your just going to break my heart.

Lol. Hahaha

on Oct. 29 2009 at 8:59 am
StephenieReneeBaker SILVER, Colorado, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t promise my forever when your just going to break my heart.

Okay. I will.

on Oct. 29 2009 at 8:58 am
StephenieReneeBaker SILVER, Colorado, Colorado
7 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don&#039;t promise my forever when your just going to break my heart.

My sis told me the name. When I was writing this story I had just finshed watching a very good movie- "the Notebook" Then the story just poped in my head.