Tell Her | Teen Ink

Tell Her

May 17, 2009
By Sydney(: BRONZE, N/a, New Hampshire
Sydney(: BRONZE, N/a, New Hampshire
4 articles 0 photos 47 comments

“She doesn’t know yet, does she?”


“You should tell her, you know.”

“I should.”

I see her big blue eyes lift up to meet mine. Concern was washed over them.

“You won’t will tell her, though, will you?”

I don’t answer.

“You won’t.” She didn’t put it as a question this time.

She was staring me right into my eyes. At that moment everything was so real. She was right in from of me, the sun was glinting off her golden hair and the breeze was lifting it. I tear my gaze away and look across the grassy hill. I search for a cloud somewhere in the sky, but can’t find one.

“No.” I tell her.

Her small hands reach for my chin. Her gentle touch sends and electric shock through my body. She turns my head, ever so slightly.

“Look at me.” She tells me.

I look at her, but it scares me. It makes me not want to look away; it makes me feel so out of control. So helpless.

“You can’t just not tell her.” She says. Her voice is hard, it doesn’t suit her. “Why won’t you?” She’s says after an eternity.

I think. Why won’t I tell her? Wow. I don’t even know.

“You surprise me constantly.” I say.

She laughs. It sounds like chimes filling the air, dancing around me.

“And you change the subject constantly.” She tells me. The serious air is lifted, but only for a moment before her face gets solemn again.

“I…” I start, but it’s hard. Too hard to finish. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know.” Again, not a question. “You don’t know…” her mind was chewing on this.

It is silent for a while. I can see her think, her small face scrunched in frustration. She likes being in control not being clueless.

More time passes but the silence still isn’t raised.

I decide to break it.

“Come with me.”

“Hmm? Where?” She asks.

“Somewhere. I need to show you this.”

She nods, as if she is giving me permission to take her.

I grasp her hand in mine and we begin down the hill.

“Do you remember that time in second grade Mrs. Bathey asked us where our special place was?” I ask.

“Yes.” She says.

“And how I was crying all recess long because I didn’t have a special place?”

She smiles and I swear rays of golden light radiate from her. “Yes, I remember.”

“Well, I always remembered that. So in sixth grade I went to find one.”

“You searched for a special place?”

“I did. And I found one.” I say, flashing my eyes at her.

“And, so, that is where you are taking me.”

“You are too smart.”

We both keep quiet for a while. Soaking in the sun’s rays, enjoying each other’s presence.

“Now, watch your step here.” I tell her as we approach some rocks. “And…you will have to duck right about…”

She listens to me.

“Now crawl through that hole.” I say. “….Yep, that’s right. That’s good…”

I wait at the other end for her to come out of the small tunnel.

“Are you co-?” She begins. Then I hear a sharp intake of breath and I know she saw.

I quickly crawl through.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?”

I watch her as she scans the scenery. Her mouth drops open a little. She sees the waterfall, and the lake beneath. And how, from just the place we were standing, the light hit the water just right so that you could see every fish swimming. She saw the meadow with the purple and yellow flowers sprouting here and there. She saw everything.

She turns to face me. Her eyes are a mixture of awe and surprise. But what pleases me the most is that she finally got it.

“I can’t tell.”

And she understood.

The author's comments:
This is my first time writing in the perspective of a boy, and it was slightly harder than usual. And, another thing, I am not sure who the people were or what he had to tell 'her'. All I know is that there was a story in my head and the characters wanted it to be told, so I wrote it down. Thanks for reading, hope you like it, and comment comment comment!!

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This article has 7 comments.

on Aug. 22 2009 at 5:09 pm
Sydney(: BRONZE, N/a, New Hampshire
4 articles 0 photos 47 comments
hey guys! Thanks for all your critism and support! Its really helpful and I appreciate every word of it! Thanks! Sydney

tor10jax GOLD said...
on Aug. 21 2009 at 7:43 pm
tor10jax GOLD, Livingston, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 143 comments
I thought it was very interesting and you picked the perfect picture. Good job! There were a few things confused me. I couldn't be sure the boy was the same age as her because he defined her as small and people their age (or at least her age) don't define other people at that age "small". Or at least not in my experiences. Also, I know you don't what he was supposed to tell and it can be seen as a suspence techique, but I think there should be an idea of what they're talking about. It's sort of frustrating otherwise. I know I've given alot of criticism but it's only becuase I would've wanted it if I were you. I hope it helps. Keep writing!

on Aug. 21 2009 at 2:24 am
soemwasall SILVER, Plymouth, Pennsylvania
9 articles 3 photos 4 comments
i could picture every detail in my head (: i really like how you worded this, and the mystery of what he "shouldn't tell her" kept me wondering and reading. great job(;

Zero_K DIAMOND said...
on Aug. 20 2009 at 1:04 am
Zero_K DIAMOND, Moosic, Pennsylvania
83 articles 0 photos 435 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life's no fun if you're not insane, otherwise you grow up to be an accountant." -Moi

Hmmm. . .I thought that you not telling what he had to tell "her" was just a suspense technique, but now I find that you didn't know either! 'Tis alright, I often don't know what I'm writing about either. (In "I'll Always Remeber October" (which is still pending) I don't even know why Silas has to disappear. He just does.) Great job and thanks for the comment!


on Aug. 20 2009 at 12:46 am
unearthlyhaphazard GOLD, N/A, New York
15 articles 0 photos 176 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are three rules for writing the novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are."~W. Somerset Maugham

Your story was amazingly well written, and I especially liked the beginning. Well done!

Jennax3 SILVER said...
on Aug. 19 2009 at 4:21 am
Jennax3 SILVER, Palos Verdes Estates, California
6 articles 0 photos 113 comments
What a wonderful technique you've managed to use here... throughout the story, you intentionally do not reveal what the boy has to "tell her". This keeps the reader hooked, so that they will keep reading for more details. Because there is an ambiguous ending, we are left to interpret what he had to "tell her" in any way we'd like. I really like this technique because it makes you think.

My only corrections for your story would be slight grammatical errors, and the dialogue is sometimes awkwardly worded... you have to think of how people would actually speak. Otherwise, AWESOME JOB! I loved it :)

on Jul. 12 2009 at 5:55 am
LoveLikeWoe DIAMOND, LeSueur, MN, Minnesota
54 articles 2 photos 748 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whoever laughs first has the sickest mind.