I watch as he wraps his arm around you, a weak smile forming on my face as you give me a genuine one. My eyes barely notice your hand waving at me. I wave back weakly, the small voice in my head desperately telling me to call you back; to grab your hand and tell him that you’re mine. I look at your back, the one I desire to look at all day. I exhale deeply. You giggle as you kiss him, my body shivering as I walk the opposite direction.

My heart aches further as I walk away. Aching as I think about what you told me,

“He asked me out, we’re dating now!”

“Oh.”

“Oh” that’s all I could say, all I could let out. “Dating”... you were so excited. You were so content that the boy that you and so many girls had been watching since freshman year had asked YOU out...YOU out of all people. I had thought he did not want to date...I was wrong.

My eyes are watering now, tears falling as I near my home. I hug myself as a way to calm down, pretending my own arms are yours. 

I miss you. I miss your scent. I miss stroking your long red hair; admiring your eden eyes as I caress your face. I miss hearing your constant giggling, as you often slept over and let me make you over. The makeup being your favorite part. Though your eyes would water from how much the brush tickled your neck, you did your best to contain yourself. I didn’t mind though, your laughter is like music to my ears.

You were always affectionate, your warm hugs and quick pecks to the cheeks never failed to make me blush. Your comment about the natural blush on my face complimenting the pink on my clothes and hair constantly replaying in my head,

“That pink face...it goes well with your hair and outfit! It’s really cute.”

Of course you didn't mean it in a romantic way, but that’s all I could think of it as. I remember you even kissing me on accident once, don’t you remember? We were running to class and once we stopped at your class’s door, you gave me a quick peck that landed on my lips instead of my cheek. We laughed it off but I was desperate to grab your hand to stop you from entering the room and quickly grab your face to kiss you again. Desperate to tell you right there and then that I love you and have for so, so long and wanting to kiss you like that all the time.

Once again, I miss you…

I don’t see you as often anymore. You are now going on constant dates with him and double dates with the couple in our last period class. Your texts and calls are ever so often seen on my screen. Even when seen in person, the most we speak about is schoolwork and when your next date will be. I help with the date ideas of course because I want to see you happy, I want to see that smile I adore so much when I suggest a good activity or place to hang out at. 

“Have you tried that cafe downtown? They got popular off of their boba teas?”

“Oh yeah! He and I do like boba tea, same with Ella and Matt...you know us so well! Thank you.”

I avoid asking for study dates like I used to, all I would do is cry once we leave the library if I were to. If you were to ask me, I’d make up an excuse and your sweet self would understand...though I wish you would push more.

I am at my front door now, sobbing and snickering to myself. Snickering as I think more about our shared memories. Forcing a smile on my face, wishing that the back I desire to watch all day is really in front me. Wishing you were in front of me, wishing that you were holding my hand as you look back at me.

Wishing that this was our home instead. Wishing that you’d kiss me over and over again. Wishing you’d embrace me and I keep you safe in my arms. Wishing that I could fully take you in and you be mine.

Wishing that we are no longer in our school uniforms and instead white ball gowns that frame me and you perfectly. Wishing that the veil on our heads are uncovered and framing our faces. Wishing that the hand that is holding mine has the ring I gave you. The ring I gave you to bind us forever; to show others a perspective of our love.