Born to a white, middle class family, Ella Smith grew up in the best environment she could imagine. She had two loving parents, three supportive siblings, two playful dogs, and her mischievous yet adorable cat. As a young girl, she was given the opportunity to go to a private elementary school and her parents did everything they could to set her up to live her best life. She had many friends, as she was very charming and loved by almost everyone she encountered. 

In the fourth grade, Ella moved to a very prestigious elementary and middle school where although the beginning was rough for her because she had trouble finding a group of friends, she managed to eventually make some of the best friends she has ever had and she still sees them quite often to this day. In middle school she was very popular, not the most popular girl in school but she was in second place, the first place spot was taken by her best friend, Sasha. She didn't greatly mind being second best to Sasha but she did mind how much she felt compared to her best friend, feeling like everyone loved and adored her more than Ella. However, Ella didn’t let it bother her too much, she still had great friends. Not only did Ella succeed in her social life, she also was very good in school. She generally had straight A’s, except for in Spanish but her teacher was hard so who could blame her. She was an athlete, a star on the soccer field and loved by her coaches and teammates. 

When eighth grade rolled around, Ella was excited to apply to high school. She would miss everyone she knew in middle school, even the ones she wasn’t too fond of. Although she struggled when writing her applications because of the stressful essays she had to write, she felt so much relief when it was over. The three months she had to go through before getting her letters of acceptance or rejection were the longest months of her life. Of course she was nervous about their responses but she knew it would be hard for her to not get into at least one of the three schools she applied to. I mean she had a 3.9 GPA, she was an athlete, she did well on her HSPT, and still maintained a social life. 

Eventually March came around and she and all her classmates were anxious to find out where they’d be spending their next four years of school. Soon enough, everyone got their letters. First, Ella opened the letter from the school she wanted to go to least. It was expensive, far away, and she barely knew anyone going there. Whether she got accepted or rejected, she knew this wouldn’t be the high school she would go to. Finally, she got the guts to open the letter. Waitlisted. “Oh well,” she thought, “I’m not really heartbroken over it.” Soon she got to the second letter. This school, although it wasn’t her first choice, was still pretty interesting to Ella and she hoped she’d be accepted. Again, Ella was waitlisted. Now she was worried. She knew she had a better chance of getting accepted into her first choice since she put most of her effort into this application and did the most to show her interest in the school, but what if she didn’t get in here either? What was she going to do? She built up all her courage and opened the last and most important letter. Yet again, she was waitlisted. Ella cried and cried for as long as she had tears in her body. All her emotions came together at once. She was sad that she wouldn't be going to the school she so badly wanted to go to, angry that they accepted people with less to offer than her, and embarrassed at what her classmates, teachers, teammates, and family would think of her. She didn’t know how to handle what was happening to her. 

The next few months were rough for Ella. She received so much support from her school, friends, and family, but she still felt judged and embarrassed because she didn’t get into high school. However, with the support from her school, she was able to get in touch with her top two schools. Both of the admissions departments from the schools spoke to Ella about how impressed they were with her achievements and that they really hoped that a place would open up for her to join their institution. Unfortunately, Ella’s top choice of high school couldn’t give her a spot that year. Although she was disappointed, Ella knew that her second choice was just as good and that she would still have a great high school experience no matter where she went. The director of admissions at the school stayed in close contact with Ella and her family and told her that if a spot opened up, she’d be the first person they called. Not long after, Ella got the call. After many hours of worrying and stress, she had been accepted. Ella was ecstatic. She couldn’t believe that this was really happening. So much hard work went into this and finally, she could relax for a moment.

Freshman year began and while she was nervous, Ella was so excited to start high school. In a few weeks, Ella had made great friends and was a part of a nice friend group. However, things weren’t so easy. While she had a good friend group, she still felt very compared to her new best friend, Grace, just like she had with Sasha. Of course, this was all in Ella’s head but it still bothered her greatly. She hated that she felt like she wasn’t nice enough, or cool enough, or friendly enough. She still liked her group but she just felt like she needed to pretend who she was so that they could like her more. Ella kept in touch with her core group of friends from middle school but they weren’t much help with how she was feeling about her high school friends. None of them were having a great time in high school and to them, Ella was thought of as “having it all” in the sense that she had no trouble socially in school. She didn’t want to tell them the truth because she felt like she would lose what they admired so much about her. I mean, Ella’s issue socially wasn’t that bad. Yes, she felt a little overwhelmed by the situation, but it wasn’t anything to worry too much about. It would all work itself out eventually, so what was the harm if she just kept her mouth shut about it. For the next couple of months, things stayed about the same. Ella kept her feelings to herself and mostly let it go. After what felt like a million years, freshman year was finally over and she could relax. 

Sophomore year came around and Ella was ready for a fresh start. She clicked her imaginary rest button and rolled into the new year. Surprisingly, things got a lot better. Yes, school was hard but she expected that. Many of her feelings about her friend group began to settle down and finally, she felt like she found her place. Everything began to work itself out. But then it all stopped. Once the second semester of sophomore year started, a new issue began to arise. However, this issue wasn’t targeted at Ella. This issue affected everyone on the entire planet, and it was called coronavirus. A few months after coronavirus became known to the world, it was so infectious and deadly that everything in the world began to shut down, or at least that’s how it felt. Schools, workplaces, sports, restaurants, and just about everything that played a part in everyone’s lives stopped. Things eventually started back up but this time it was through a computer. Everyone who went to school, including Ella, was now doing it online. For the next two months of sophomore year, school actually went pretty well. It was hard to adjust to this new system of learning, but she eventually got the hang of it. By ending the year with straight A’s, Ella felt at the top of her game. Summer began and just like last year, she was ready for a new start. 

As junior year approached Ella was very nervous, knowing that junior year is the toughest grade for most. However, she felt confident considering how easy online school was last semester. Unfortunately this was not the case. After the first two weeks of school, Ella knew she would be more stressed than she ever had been before. In the first two months of school, things weren’t horrible. Yes, school was not going as well as she wanted, but besides that and soccer practice that she had once a week, she was able to focus while still relaxing and maintaining a social life. Soon enough, things began to pile up on Ella. As restrictions became more lenient for the virus, things were able to start up again, specifically school sports. Now instead of school and soccer practice once a week, it was school, club soccer practice on Tuesdays,Thursdays, and Sundays, and school soccer practice on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Not only that, but on the one day of the week that she didn’t have soccer, she rode horses which was a hobby that she had loved since she was a little girl, and it is something that she never wants to give up. And because it was her junior year, Ella was preparing for the SAT. As her test day grew closer and closer, she prepared more and more, doing more hours of studying than anyone would ever want to. Now, her days consisted of school, soccer, horseback riding, and SAT prep, with very little time to keep what felt like a good social life. 

As time went on, Ella felt more and more like things were piling up on her with no end. She felt like she was losing herself. She wondered how easily she and millions of other students in the world used to balance all of these stressful activities while going to school in person before coronavirus ruined everyone’s idea of normal. With the sadness and anxiety that came with Ella’s new reality, she looked in the mirror, not knowing who was looking back at her. Every week felt like it was repeating, over and over again without end. Her life now felt painful to live. She didn’t know how long this would carry on or how long she could deal with the feelings that came with the life she was living. Would this be her new normal? Is this how she was supposed to live? Ella knew this wasn’t right, she knew this wasn’t how life was supposed to be lived but she had no idea how to fix it.