All my friends know me as Elle Dortan, the girl with two parents, a brother, and a sister.  But what they don’t know is that I’m Elle Dortan, the girl with two parents, an older brother, a sister, and a twin brother.  When I was just the size of a pea, I had a duplicate. Gavin and I were born two months early. My twin brother Gavin was born an hour and a half before me, he was only two pounds and I was three pounds.  We had to stay in the NICU for a month because we were so premature. The nurses didn’t know if we were going to live. I was only born with a small diases on my face called hemangioma. (which later was removed and I only have a scar) Gavin on the other hand had gotten hit much harder.  Gavin had Intraventricular hemorrhage, which is bleeding inside and around the ventricles in the brain. Because of this, there was lots of pressure on his spine which a two pound baby could not handle. 

 After about four days I was growing and I could even move from the top of the incubator to the bottom.  The nurses and doctors knew I was going to be okay, but they weren’t so sure Gavin had the same luck. On the fifth day of our lives the doctors were seeing progress in both of our heath.  This was the last day my parents were staying in the hospital because my mom had healed, but Gavin and I were still growing and needed an extra boost in the process. It was extremely hard for my mom and dad to leave us every day but my aunt worked at the hospital and they had to get home to our two year old brother.  Two days after my parents left the hospital to live back home they saw some drastic decreases in Gavin’s health. They even asked my parents to come back to the hospital because they didn’t know how much longer he would make it.  

Later that night, he went into surgery to try and stop the bleeding and take pressure off his spine but it hadn’t done much.  Both sides of our family were coming in and out, checking in and waiting, waiting to hear the greatest or most humanly terrible news.  While everyone was extremely worried about Gavin, I was still getting test after test to make sure I hadn’t gotten it too. On the eighth day of our lives was one of the hardest days for my family.  (Even though I don’t physically know it I sometimes feel like I do emotionally) Today we had heard the news that they weren’t going to be able to save him. The next day on November 13, 2006. Gavin passed away in my mom’s arms holding my dad’s hand.  

I grew up for 10 years never knowing I was a twin.  There were never any pictures of me when I was a baby and I had never wondered why until I was nine years old.  During show and tell in third grade we had to bring a picture from the day we were born and a picture from that current year.  I was the only one in my class who had a toddler picture instead of a newborn picture. When I got home that day ,my mom had looked frightened when I asked her why I had no pictures from my birth.  Being nine years old, I forgot quickly and minded my own business.  

On my tenth birthday my mom and dad sat me down along with my brother, (my sister was still too young) and told us about our brother Gavin.  We couldn’t believe it! I had so many things going through my head. If we looked alike, What would his favorite show be, or if we had to share a room.  It was so hard for me to process. Then I wondered, why did God take away my twin? It almost made me mad.  For the rest of that week I had felt a little extra down because someone who was supposed to be my best friend wasn’t even on this earth. 

 I never told anyone about him.  I just imagined what life would be like with him.  Every night I would talk to him and tell him stories.   I would tell him about my worries and everything I had wished for.  Sometimes I would even make up adventures we went on. I did this every night for two years eleven months and eight days.  But one day, it hit me. I didn’t even notice how lucky I was. I could’ve been me who had Intraventricular hemorrhage. I was so upset he wasn’t here that  I didn’t even think about me.