Jack Mazzo was a very sad man. He wasn’t always this way, but he was always this way. Growing up, he lived with his mother and father, Mary-Ann and Joe Mazzo. He didn’t have any siblings. His father was an iron worked and his mom stayed at home. He’d see his dad a couple of times a year, so he didn’t have much of a bond with him. Jack’s mother didn’t have much of a bond with Jack’s father either. As a kid, she’d have multiple men around to “help out” - or that’s what she told Jack. Mary-Ann Mazzo was what some would consider a promiscuous woman, non-committal, unloyal, maybe even a wh**e. Some would also consider her a lush, but that was most definitely not uncommon for the Roaring 20s. 

Mary-Ann’s patterns of life didn’t affect Jack much on the surface. By his teen years, she stopped her promiscuous patterns but only because Jack’s father got laid off due to the crash of the economy. That was when it got really hard for Jack’s family. Mary-Ann still slept around, but she tried to be more sneaky about it since Joe was around more often. She had gotten caught a couple of times. During those times, Joe would just scream a lot but sometimes it would get physical.

Joe and Mary-Ann never split though. Of course, it was very taboo to get divorced during that era, which was quite odd considering it was The Great Depression. Although they could have easily split and no one would have known or cared. They lived in New York City. They had the advantage of anonymity that they wouldn’t have gotten if they lived in a smaller neighborhood where everyone is close with everyone and knows every detail about everyone else’s lives. Sure, they lived close in proximity to everyone. So much so, that they often found this closeness to be very suffocating. But they weren’t close with anyone.

As an alternative to splitting up, they both just drank a lot and ignored each other and just managed to live like that. This relationship is what shaped Jack. The instability, infidelity, and Inebriated nature of his parents' relationship took quite a toll on him. He always kept to himself and didn’t really talk to anyone in school. When he graduated, he picked up a job at a bank. He didn’t leave New York City, but he moved out of his parents’ house and lived on his own as soon as he possibly could.

Although he kept to himself, he did manage to meet a couple of people at work. Bright young men, very similar to himself. He first started making conversation with a man named Jimmy, who sat to the right of him. All small talk, all surface level. He would crack a couple jokes with him every once in a while. Mostly about the weather, sometimes about customers. Nothing more than that, nothing below the surface.

Jack also interacted with a man named Charles, who sat to the left of him. Charles was a very outgoing and boisterous man. Charles was very blunt and didn’t keep much to himself. Every day he would come in with his booming voice, talking about something he read in the paper and voicing his, often ignorant, opinion. Charles had something to say about everything, whether it was about FDR or “the ol’ ball and chain”. Not many people actually liked Charles, but they found him to be a very funny guy, so that’s why they kept him around.

Every once in a while, the guys from the bank would go out for drinks, as people do. It was always nice to spend time together outside of the office. They’d usually watch the game, sometimes Charles would crack a joke about their boss. He’d also be the one to order the most drinks, sometimes he’d poke fun at those who’d only get one drink. Charles would sometimes make jokes about the boss. No one really knew each other, and they were comfortable with that.

One night, the guys from the bank decided to go out to a cabaret. It was their boss, Gerald’s idea. Gerald was a happily married man, so some of the guys at the office questioned his morals alongside their own, just for even thinking about it. Most of the guys had wives at home and felt as though it would have been wrong, so they didn’t go. Jack, being unmarried, went along with because he figured it would be fun and he had never been before. Jack wasn’t the type of guy who would go to clubs or anything because he felt it was disrespectful towards the women working there. Jack had never really been with a woman before either. He wasn’t the type to have a one-night stand because he believed women deserved more than that. He always pictured himself being with one woman and one woman only, so he didn’t bother wasting his time with people he didn’t think he could feel deeply for. Charles would tease him incessantly about this. He’d call him a queer, homosexual, and other synonyms for “gay” that weren’t exactly positive.

The only other people who agreed to go to the cabaret were Charles and Gerald. Gerald paid for the cab immediately after work ended. During that short ride, Gerald and Charles were talking about their families in a particularly low way. Charles, as usual, was complaining about his wife, Diane. He’d complain about how she’s always nagging him about not doing enough around the house. Gerald rebutted with information about his wife, Winona, and two kids, Lillian and Maxwell. The two of them were both very young, Lillian was the age of nine and Maxwell was seven. Gerald had a lot to say about Maxwell and how much of a disappointment he was. All of this made Jack disgusted with the company he was with. At this point in Jack’s life, he had been lonelier than he had ever felt before and he wanted nothing more than a family. Not even just a family, just someone to love. He wanted someone to take care of, and someone to take care of him. He wanted someone to hold close and someone to hold him close, physically and emotionally.

At the show that night, every other male, besides Jack, were hollering, whistling, and objectifying the performers. After all, it was their job to be objectified. The emcee would announce the titles that they’ve chosen for themselves. Gypsy, Rose, Wonder, and so on and so forth, After he announced each name, he’d pause for a moment as all the ornery young men wooed them. Jack would clap after each name was announced, while some of the men surrounding him would go a bit further than that. The show was quite fascinating to Jack, but not as fascinating as it was to the other gentleman. Up until the emcee announced a certain name.

“Now presenting, the irresistible, the iridescent, the intimidating,” He paused, allowing the crowd to cheer, “The incredible Intimacy!”

This particular dancer caught Jack’s attention. There was just something about her. She was beautiful. Possibly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had a perfect figure. Small waist, wide hips, quite proportionate. Everything about her was magnificent. Her face was glorious, high cheekbones, sharp jawline, and a perfect chin. Her eyes were a deep blue, hinting as though there was so much more than what he was seeing on the surface. Jack wanted to know what was behind those eyes.

Jack was absolutely stunned. He was not one to believe in love at first sight, but he was very sure that he was absolutely in love with her. He sat on the edge of his seat during his entire performance, absolutely appalled with her, with the way she performed, with the way her hair glowed beneath the red light, with everything. Everything about her was so astounding to Jack, so serene.

Jack needed to get her attention. He wasn’t going to let himself leave this cabaret without interacting with her somehow. He reached into his pocket to throw some coins at her, but he could only find a dollar. Although he wasn’t a fan of throwing money at the dancers, he figured it would be the easiest way to get her attention. He tossed her the generous tip and flashed her a smile. And she smiled back.

The show was over before Jack or anyone else could have expected. It was late, but not too late, around nine o’clock or so. Gerald and Charles were in the crowd of people herding out the door. Meanwhile, Jack was looking around for Intimacy or the emcee. He needed to interact with her somehow before leaving, whether it’s just introducing himself or even scoring a date. He didn’t give himself any other options.

“Excuse me!” Jack called out, “Intimacy! Emcee!”

“Fine gentleman, what do you desire?” A second voice reacted, “Is it Intimacy you crave?”

Jack looked over his shoulder, the emcee was the voice that called back to him.

“I don’t just crave Intimacy,” Jack started, “I am in love with her. If I don’t leave without her tonight, or without planning a date, why I might as well live underground!”

“Sir, I admire your devotion, but I think you must be careful with your words,” The extravagant man advised, “Especially with such a dashing damsel like Intimacy. I’ve seen countless dancers leave this cabaret with young men such as yourself, but never Intimacy. She’s quite a special woman.”

“Why is that?” Jack pondered.

“That is a mystery,” The emcee added, “But I can score you a night with her, for a generous price. I don’t know how full your pockets are, but I saw the tip you left for her and I’d expect something close to that.”

“I’ll get you back tomorrow, what I gave Intimacy was all I had,” Jack gambled.

“Actually…” The emcee paused, “Don’t worry about it. If you’re willing to give her everything you’ve got, then I know she’s in good hands. I’ll go get her for you”

The emcee went backstage. Jack sat in the first row of seats, waiting anxiously for the irresistible Intimacy. Momentarily, the fantastic dancer strolled out to the house. She wasn’t wearing any makeup, but Jack still thought she was just as hypnotizing. She was wearing a maroon dress that was short in the front of the skirt but long and back, much different than the attire that Jack had just seen her in. He didn’t mind at all.

“I heard you wanted to see me?” She spoke.

Jack was taken aback by the beautiful ring of those words.

“You heard right,” He affirmed, “I’m Jack. Jack Mazzo, and it would be my pleasure to take you out tonight.”
“And it would be my pleasure to spend this evening with a fine young gentleman such as yourself,” She declared, “How shall we go about this? Dinner, drinks, then back to your place?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Jack confirmed.

Jack put his hand in hers and they interlocked fingers as they walked out of the cabaret. This was probably the happiest that Jack had felt in a very long time. As a matter of fact, he could not recall another point in his life where he had felt happiness. He had always felt content at most. But this was the moment where he finally felt real happiness.

The young adults walked a few blocks from the cabaret to one of Jack’s favorite restaurants. While they were walking there, Jack told Intimacy about the restaurant and the significance to his life. He told her all about how the restaurant was owned by a man named Nick. Nick was a close friend of Jack’s dad. When Jack was young, he and his family would always go to this specific restaurant whenever Jack’s dad would come home for the first time in months. They would laugh, smile, and have an all around good time. Jack’s dad would always give Nick one of his “famous” Joe Mazzo hugs, as Nick would always describe them. Mary-Ann would always give Nick one of her 24-karat diamond smiles. Jack would order french toast with powdered sugar, because Nick would always recommend it to him once. Joe would order a classic American cheeseburger, because he always wanted something like that to be his first meal back home. Mary-Ann would always order a BLT, light lettuce. She would claim that she was “watching her figure” and that she was taking a cheat day. Joe would tell her that there’s no need to watch her figure.

Jack told Intimacy all of this. She would smile and nod every once in a while. She told him that was a very cute memory that he shared with her. She didn’t tell him anymore. She left it at that. The walk wasn’t too long before they made it to the welcoming restaurant and Jack was greeted by a warm and familiar man.

“Little Jack Mazzo!” The jovial man exclaimed as he pulled him in for a hug, “It’s been quite some time! Who’s the lovely lady?”
“Oh this is, uh-” Jack paused. It was that moment when he realized that he didn’t know Intimacy’s name.

“Ah, I’m just messing with you!” Nick joked, “I used to do the same thing with your old man. Dinner’s on me, eh?”
“Sure, thank you so much,” Jack thanked. He didn’t want Nick to know that he just spent his money on a burlesque dancer.

“Have a nice night with the lovely lady,” Nick chatted, “Tell your father I said hi!”

Nick put his hand on Jack’s shoulder as he walked away. Jack and Intimacy went to a booth in the corner of the restaurant. They started their dinner off with an awkward silence and a side of anxiousness. Intimacy was really quiet most of the time. Jack thought this silence was mysterious. He thought it was tragically beautiful. Although she was sitting right in front of him, he couldn’t help but imagine the kind of life she lived. He couldn’t help but imagine her upbringing and the possible dysfunction that she could have experienced. He wanted to know everything behind this silence. He wanted to know her. Her life. Her story. Her journey.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He broke the silence.

“I’m out with a fine young gentleman,” She said.

“I’m out with a beautiful woman,” Jack responded flirtatiously, “So what was your life like growing up?”
“Mine?” She pondered.

“Yeah,” Jack replied, “Who else’s?”

“My life was just like any other,”

“Well there has to be something special or unique about it,” Jack prattled.

“Why’s that?”

“Because you’re so magnificent,” He continued.

“You don’t know me,”

“Well I’d really like to,”

After that last remark, a waitress came to take their orders. Jack ordered a coke and the exquisite woman just went with water. Intimacy didn’t order anything to eat either. Jack ended up going with a classic coney dog. Although french toast was a good option as well, he grew out of that a long time ago. Nick also made the best coney dogs in New York City, according to Joe Mazzo and many others.

Dinner was quiet as well. They’d exchange some words, some glances here or there. It ended soon, but well, considering Jack was the only one who ordered food. He figured there was a reason why Intimacy didn’t order anything. He thought to himself that it might’ve had something to do with her self worth. Maybe she didn’t like people paying for her. Maybe she didn’t like eating in front of people. Maybe it had something to do with her weight, although Jack believed that she was perfect. He didn’t want to question it because he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

The walk back to Jack’s apartment  was another one that was practically silent. Jack figured this was normal for a first date. He had never really cared much for another woman before. He respected women quite a bit, so he never tried to waste their time. He feared them in some type of way. It wasn’t actual fear, it was more so some type of discomfort. He didn’t really know how to talk to them, just like any other young man in his early twenties.

“What’s next?” Intimacy asked. This was the first time she started the conversation.

“I was thinking maybe we could put on the television,” Jack began, “I don’t have color television though, so maybe we can just enjoy each other’s company.”

“I like the sound of that.”

They walked up to Jack’s apartment, number 203. Jack walked in first, holding the door for Intimacy. He took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack next to his door. The two young adults sat down on his couch, exasperated. It wasn’t long before Intimacy threw herself at Jack. Slowly, she leaned in for a kiss and didn’t let go for some time. She started undoing his tie. Her lips were just as soft as Jack had imagined them, and her kiss was amazing. He was content with what was happening, but he wished he had gotten to know her a little bit more before getting so personal so fast.

“Shall we take this to the bedroom?” She requested.

“Yes, of course,” Jack permitted, “But can we slow down a little bit? I would really like to get to know you more.”
| And so they went to the bedroom. They laid next to each other for quite a bit of time, Jack’s arm was around Intimacy, holding her close to him. He told her everything. He told her about his early life. He told her about every guy Mary-Ann would bring home when his father was away. Carl, the gas guy. George, the carpet cleaner, Thomas, the milkman. Garrett, the paperboy. And so many others. He told her about december of 1933, which was his thirteenth Christmas, and his last one. He told her about how the economy was dying during that time, and every night he and his mother would pray that Joe wouldn’t lose his job. But then he did, and couldn’t afford to get his family any Christmas presents. He told her about how he always craved a relationship with his father, but never got one because he was always away and could never just toss around a ball with him. He told her about how hard it was to have a relationship with his dad during his teen years, because Joe was always drunk, and he was an angry drunk. He told her about how he wanted nothing more than to make his father happy. He told her about how he felt like a failure to his dad, because his dad was working in a factory at age thirteen, but Jack couldn’t even get a job as a paperboy at age thirteen.

He told her about his high school experience. He told her about how he always kept to himself because he was so scared that his peers would find something distasteful about him. He was so scared that they would call him a b*****d because he was born one month after his parents got married. He was scared that they would view him the wrong way because of the way his mother behaved. He told her about how he was top in his class, but had no clue what he wanted to do with his life. He told her about how he picked up a job as a lousy banker because he never had any other goals and just needed some money. 

He told her about how he had never truly been happy. He told her about how he was never really close with anyone. He didn’t have any friends or siblings growing up. He told her that the person he was probably closest to was Mary-Ann, and as much as he hated to admit it, he lost a lot of respect for her as he grew older. After telling her that, he reassured that he still has a lot of respect for women and that he still loved his mother, he just had a lot of resentment towards her. He told her that he wanted nothing less than commitment with her and that he hoped to see much more of her in the future.

He told her how beautiful she was and how he wanted nothing more than her to be happy. He told her she was perfect, and although they had just met, he felt like he finally had a chance to be happy. He told her that he had never actually wanted to be close to someone until he met her. He told her that she changed his life somehow and the entire way that he thinks. He told her that he didn’t believe any of this could possibly happen to someone like himself, someone who spent most of his life being sad, scared, and alone. He told her that he loved her.

Nothing more happened between the two of them. They fell asleep in the same bed, Jack’s arm still around Intimacy. They both fell asleep in their clothes. Jack slept the best that he could remember. He believed it was because he slept next to someone who he truly loved. He believed he had her in his arms forever.

That all changed the next morning. Intimacy was gone. Jack couldn’t believe it. Was it all a dream? Or was this just a nightmare? His entire day was filled with worry. He had just experienced the best night of his life, and he was actually excited to tell people about it. For once, he actually wanted to tell people what was going on with him. However, he felt as though he could not because she left. So for just one more day, he kept to himself. He was also afraid that Intimacy had gotten the wrong idea about him. He was afraid that she thought that he just wanted a one-night stand, even though he had made it very clear that he wanted a lifetime with her.

Jack’s work day felt like it lasted a million years, just because he was so anxious to find her. The minute work ended, he ran out and jumped into a cab. He paid the cab driver a nickel and told him to take him to the cabaret. The cab ride was probably fifteen minutes at most, with all the New York Traffic, but it still felt like forever. Jack began to wonder if he would’ve made it there sooner if he just walked. All he wanted to know was that she was okay and that she didn’t get the wrong idea about him. When the cab stopped, Jack nearly jumped out. He threw the doors open to the cabaret and demanded to see the emcee.

“Where is she?!” He called out to the emcee.

“She who?” The emcee responded.

“Intimacy!” Jack barked, he was quite frazzled.

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” The emcee began, “She left town this morning.”

“Where is she?” Jack panicked, his heart beating rapidly as he demanded more answers.

“Who knows,” The emcee shrugged, “The dancers do this all the time. They don’t like their life here.”
“Did she tell you where she went?” Jack couldn’t calm himself down at this point, “Did she leave a note?”

“Nope, not even a note,” The emcee informed, “She called from a payphone.”

Jack was enraged. He didn’t say anything more to the emcee because it would just make him more upset. Jack didn’t even know how to feel at this point. This was the one time he let himself open up to someone, and she just took off. He felt foolish, He should’ve paid more attention to her and asked more about her than just talking about himself. He didn’t even know her name. All he knew was her body.

He couldn’t believe this. Not just the fact that she left, but the fact that he thought he loved her. No, he did love her. He wouldn’t interact with anyone else the way that he interacted with her. She was the first person he felt any type of connection with. Did she feel it too? Maybe Jack was reading too much into this. She was a burlesque dancer, it was her job to tease.

Jack’s head was full of too many unanswered questions and mixed emotions. He didn’t know who to blame. He wanted to blame himself, but he knew he did everything he could to make her feel special. He wanted to blame her, but what for? What could he possibly blame her for, leaving the biggest, saddest, loneliest city in the United States? If he had the opportunity would have left as soon as possible.

But he didn’t. He just froze there and let his eyes fill with tears. He buried his head in his hands. The one time he let someone in, and they leave. This is exactly what he didn’t want happening. This is exactly why he never opened up to anyone in the past. This is exactly what he was afraid of. He didn’t know if he would ever see the woman he loved again, or what he would do. He didn’t know if he would still love her or if he would try to hurt her to make her feel the pain that she inflicted upon him. Either way, he didn’t want to know. Jack always had a fear of intimacy, but now he had a fear of Intimacy.