22,408,464. The total population of Asian Americans in the United States. 1,579,494 of those Asian Americans live in the state of New York. Yet growing up, the sense of community others possessed was never something I had the special benefit of perceiving.

    For the bulk of my 16-year-old life, the feeling of homelessness was something I astronomically struggled with. I’m not really Korean, but I’m not completely American either. I’m most definitely not Canadian. Besides the fact my identity is on their passport, I don’t even know what being Canadian means. I’ve never really had a place to call home.

    Along with these insecurities was my experience of being bullied as a kid. I was different from my classmates, and they ensured I felt it. I think it’s safe to say they succeeded in their task.

    I had a lot of trouble getting to grips with Korean and American culture due to their extensive differences.

    In Korean culture, there is adoration in unspoken feelings, prolonged forbearance, and obedience. Exploration and “trial and error” are looked down upon.

    Contrarily, I believe in fearlessly going after what you want in life, even if it breaks the status quo. Through action, there is a sense of independence that can be achieved. In order to evolve as a person, turning your fears into excitement and getting uncomfortable is crucial.

    For example, I took up football in the 5th grade, despite the cultural brand. I begged my parents for weeks to let me join. After consistent nagging and promises of no injuries, I had basically forced them to sign me up.  In turn, I’ve discovered more strength than I could have

ever pictured, physically and mentally. Football taught me that life is too short to spend another day at war with yourself, to find inner peace and live my life to the fullest. It set me free from the fear of “are people going to judge me if I do this?”

    Taking risks and challenging the status quo, however, consequently leads to failing to achieve the intended result from time to time. Each time that happened, the Korean side of me would self-criticize for being so bold.

    Now here I am, back at square one, my two cultural sides clashing, leaving me bewildered and astray. Being so distant from my cultures once again led me to question myself and my identity. It made me feel as if something was truly wrong with me.

    Cherishing and accepting myself for who I am took time, but as I grew wiser and older, I’ve come to comprehend things that my younger self could not.

    Being exposed to different cultures meant I had the ability to elect what to follow and what to let go. Such an upbringing illuminated that there’s no correct answer to most of life’s tests. I don't fear making my own judgment about the outcome I want and the path I want to take.

    The traits that I once disdained and heavily looked down upon were all blessing in disguise. It’s what separates me from the rest. In many ways, I’m glad I grew up in a majority caucasian, upper-class society. It taught me to be much more pragmatic and honest with myself, to not have issues with self-pity and ego, characteristics that poison a person’s thoughts and the way they live.

    Even now, I am still hit with reverse culture shocks. It is apart of being multicultural. Together, through the growth of my mindset and strong work ethics, I’ve learned to stay in my

own lane and stop trying to fit in with the rest. It built the courage needed to never settle with what you have.