The letter was brief. The unfeeling text read like a death sentence of the cruelest and most vile nature. I was being sent to war, far from my home and family. My mother cried, my father said nothing but drank more and more. My younger brother wasn’t very happy either, begging me not to go. I tried to explain to him why that wasn’t exactly a good idea, but he wouldn’t have any of it. I left early in the morning to avoid any tougher goodbyes.
The recruiter’s tent was full of boys like myself: scared, unsure of what was going to happen to them, most of them praying. We all knew that the Union wasn’t going to be kind to us, and we were expected to be worse to them. I’d heard tales of brother fighting brother, both running each other through with their bayonets. I was glad that I could be spared from that fate at least.
There wasn’t any real training. I was handed a rifle, some rounds, and a knife. They sent me to my commanding officer and we boarded a train. The train took me over to Virginia, where the worst day of my life would take place. I would consider myself unlucky to not be privy to such information. Had I been, I could have perhaps steeled myself for the onslaught of destruction that would befall me.
The train stopped a few miles before Gettysburg, and we began to set up our makeshift camp. We slept for a while before our general, Robert Lee, marched us into Gettysburg itself. Hell unleashed around me as I heard my brothers in arms screaming a call of demonic anger at the Union soldiers, and it clearly had an effect on them. Some dropped their guns from shock, others dropped to their knees in fear, and some just turned and ran. We opened fire on them and charged. I hadn’t killed anyone before, and this was quite an introduction to it. I rammed my bayonet through a boy’s chest, and it threw him onto the ground. It was a surreal experience, not helped by his astonishing similarity to myself. We had the same color hair and eyes. I dropped everything and held him in my arms. He opened his mouth to speak, but only pained moans and gurgling came through. His eyes went blank, and the full, unhindered realization of my actions hit me like a freight train. I turned and threw up before sitting and staring blankly into the chaos surrounding me.
Men and boys stabbing and shooting each other, one after the other. None seemed fazed by the death of their friends, their own family even. It was disgusting to say the absolute least. I ran away, as far as I could from the battle. I hit the woods and didn’t stop for at least an hour. I sat beneath a tree, crying and screaming in anguish. This was, however, a mistake. One that would cost me.
Union soldiers found me from the noise. Three of them were looking at me with guns raised. I didn’t look back; I couldn’t. The deadpan stare gave them everything that they needed to know. They didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger and filled my body with lead. Everything went black pretty soon after that.