The year is 1975. I was 5 years old. War had just broke out between the capitalists and communists. The Vietcong came for everyone. The first wave of people to leave Laos to go to America had left a ways back. Father did not want to leave. Our homeland was way too important to us. Protecting it was his duty.

My father was a politician. The Vietcong had taken over the government just recently. They killed every important man that stood in their way. Father had to leave his politic career and become a farmer to hide. Hiding was the only way out of dying. We hid in the jungle and concealed ourselves from the rest of the world.
The first round of Ethnic Cleansing came for my grandfather. They came and took him away from us. They took him to a concentration camp somewhere and we never saw him again. Grandmother denies that he is dead. We all long to see him again. He was a great and heroic man. I love grandfather very much. No one was like him.

From the other side of the mountain, we could here gun shots every night. Our lives were on the line if we stayed here. Within every night and day, we moved deeper into the woods.

We were poor now. Our clothes were shabby and dirty. We would never have enough to eat. Let alone share the food amongst us. Sleeping at night was almost impossible. I would listen to the crickets while trying to sleep in the hard floor in our straw hut. I had to wake up in the morning to go tend the crops with mother.

“Ready, Nam?” asked mother as she grabbed her sun hat.

“I’m tired,” I said sleepily. I pulled my thin blanket covers over my head.

Tending the crops was hard. Digging and planting all day long in the hot sun was tiring. It made my back hurt. My back had already hurt from the constant sleeping on the ground. Sometimes I would just watch the fields. The warm wind would blow against the field and I would just sit there. It was a beautiful sight. I watched as each blade of rice brushed against the other. The earth underneath my feet was moist and soothing to my aching heels. I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes. I breathed in deeply and slowly. I thought about how I got my name. Father named me after the raining seasons. The soft, delicate rain was what named me.

I worked in the hot and radiant sun. Digging, planting, and watering. I farmed with my aunts, uncles, and cousins like this every day.

I hid in the jungle with my family and grew crops for 4 long years. I didn’t go to school. I was at a 1st grade level. School was far and the risk was high. No one went to school.
*****


I am 10 now. The Vietcong is still dominating parts of our land. Our homeland has no use if the Americans don’t help us. The second round of Ethnic Cleansing came. They were looking for my father. Father ran to hide in Thailand.

“I’ll go first. You follow when it’s clear, you hear?” father said as he left turned to leave.

I looked at mother, and she had a blank face. She didn’t know if we would all survive. Mother was a strong and serious person.

I stayed with my mother and tended to the rice fields. The heat from the sun was unbearable. The rice was starting to dry up. Harvesting was going to be soon. The mosquitoes from the jungle bit every part of my body that had blood. Our only place to sleep was on the ground. Only a few banana leaves and a blanket were available for me. Crying babies were everywhere. Our clothes were in shreds and covered in dirt. A nearby stream supplied our current source of food and water.

I didn’t feel right when father wasn’t with us. I didn’t understand why the Vietcong had to go after my father like that. I could imagine all those innocent women and children falling to the ground in front of them as they shot them without care. I could see all those babies crying with no mother. Massive murders like this scared me. I wondered if this was going to happen to me.

I felt sorry for them. I thought about the Vietcong and I wondered if they would come after me. They probably would if they knew I was escaping from the country.

I stayed there for 3 months. I was farming and wondering every day. I did the same routine. Father came back for us.

“Are you all okay?” he asked my mother. Mother had a look of relief on her face now. The gloomy sadness was gone.

“We are much better now that you are here,” Mother said then smiled. Father had a plan. It was to flee with my uncles and aunts to Thailand. There were 45 of us all together. We would walk to the Mekong River and cross it to be free.

“Will it work?” Mother asked. She had never done anything so risky before. Father is a wise man. He always knew what to do. Mother never doubted him.

We headed out that night. It was still dark out. Crickets were still singing in the grass. I thought about if we were going to make it alive. We started walking and we walked all night until about early morning. I carried our things and mother walked with the babies. Grandmother was getting sick but was doing okay. She could walk with us. My brother walked alongside grandmother to help support her. He carried the younger kids. All my uncles and aunts followed my father closely.

My brother is 17. He is tall and strong. He took good care of us when father had been away. He is very smart and hardworking. Before the war, he had a job and moved heavy loads.

We walked in the jungle with bushes and thorns. The thorns scratched my legs as I walked. I wore my brother boots to prevent the scratching. The heat of the sun made my throat swell up. I swat at the bugs as I walked further. My feet ached and my knees were ready to give up. We walked all night until we reached a lumber road. This road was dangerous. We could meet someone and they could kill us.

We continued to walk through the jungle. Soon the jungle stopped and there was an opening. All the logs from the chopped trees has fallen here and never recovered. Bugs were slowly gnawing away the old wood. All 45 of us tried to climb over the gigantic logs. They piled up against each other. They created jagged towers that were hard to get around. Father knew it was too hard and it would take too long for all of us to climb.

“Turn around, we are going back to the lumber road,” said father.

We all turn back to the lumber road. We all got on the road and started walking again. The road was rocky and dry. The road curled around the bend. Father told me that this was a dangerous road. You never knew whom you would end up meeting. You never knew if the Vietcong were after you.

We walked down the lumber road for quite a long distance. Father was now lost. The lumber forest had thrown him off. Everyone was feeling worn down and tired. All of a sudden, I heard a crack. We all stopped. Panicking, I looked at my brothers and sisters. Then, I looked at my father. I got very worried. He put his index finger on his lips. It was a gesture to be quiet. My father carried a M-16. He took it out from its position on his shoulders and gestured for all of us to stay back. We all quietly stood behind a fallen tree stump.

In the distance, we could see a campfire. There was no way to go around the campfire because of the lumber forest. Father didn’t know who was at the camp. It was either they let us through or father would kill them. Father raised his gun and walked quietly to the camp. You could barely here Father’s footsteps. I heard the crackling form the fire. We all ducked and waited for father’s call. I pulled onto my brother’s shirt as we all waited for Father. I heard some murmuring in the direction of the campfire. I didn’t understand why father was talking to them. My brother looked up. Father waved his hand at us and we all came over. It was father’s friend. He had fled too for which the Vietcong were after him also.

“Do you know how we could get back to the path?” father asked. Since we had to take the lumber road, we were thrown off course.

“Sure thing, I’ll show you,” father’s friend said.

He took us back to the jungle and father bids his farewells. We walked until mid-morning came. I walked with my family until we meet with a little stream. It was a little flow of water from inside the mountains. We stop for water and I look up at the sky. I breathe in the cool air. My brother takes a stick and digs a hole into the soft ground below us. We wait until the hole fills with water. We fill our bottles with the water and started to get ready to head out again.

Meanwhile, I hear a large object fall behind me. I turn and see the blazing flames destroy the trees from the jungle. I feel the heat against my skin as I start to back away. The trees charred right before my eyes. Innocent life was dying before me. The smell of smoke was stuck in the back of my throat. It was a miracle that the forest fire didn’t get us. It simply just spread around us. I look up at the sky and wonder, was it my destiny to flee my country?
*****
Father had us rest for the night. I listened to the fire die out and the crickets sing in the background. For once in a long time, I didn’t wonder. I looked up at the night sky as I curled grandfather’s necklace around my fingers. The stars twinkled. It was like the sky was the only happy place. It was calling to me. The sky told me to keep going. Life somewhere else was waiting for me. There was a life that was someplace else. The life I hadn’t experienced yet.

That night I dreamt of grandfather. He was wearing the necklace as he came to me.

“Go,” he said, “Live life to the fullest. I promise that we will meet again in another lifetime my dearest one.”

Grandfather was starting to fade away. He was leaving me.

I screamed, “Wait! Don’t leave me. I can’t live my life without you leading me.”

“It is time for you to lead your own life. Listen to your father and leave our homeland. It is too dangerous here. I promise that I will always be alive in your heart and soul,” grandfather said. He took off the necklace and put it around my neck and smiled at me. That was all he said and the moment he was gone, that was the moment I woke up. I looked at my necklace. Grandfather is really gone.

Father brought us some food. He had hid some food and supplies in an old log from when he first escaped to Thailand. There was dried food and water.

My family and I walked to a dried up river with a limestone bed. The riverbed was rocky and was lifeless. I looked at the limestone bed. There was a hole in it and there were fish stuck in the hole. My brother caught the fish and we ate that as a half way snack. We have come half way to the Mekong River. We only have another half to go.

We stopped to pick up the extra supplies then started walking again. We walked all day in the blazing sun. The sun’s rays beat down on us as we kept on walking. Soon, we ran out of water. The Laos dry season was hot and evaporated most of our water sources.


We came across an elephant pool. There wasn’t any other water around here. The water was crystal clear and looked great for drinking. The only downside was that there was a lob of elephant dung in the water.
“I’m not drinking it,” I said with a disgusted face. I didn’t drink the water, but most of the members fleeing with us had taken a sip or two from the elephant dung pool. I walked away from the pool with my brother.
“You okay?” my brother asked me. I looked at him and nodded yes.

After some of us drank from the pool, we walked further into the jungle. We came across an ancient town. The weed and grass has over grown the place. There was an old road that curled around a rock foundation. It was away from the jungle but hidden within the jungle.

“We’ll camp here until morning,” Father had told us. We built the fire and started our beds. I took banana leafs that I found and put them on the rough ground. I lay down and closed my eyes. I fell asleep in an instant.
*****

I walked all day in the jungle. We walked for a very long time. This must have been the third day of traveling. I walked through mud and itchy plants. The smell from the pollen made me sneeze. The birds of all different colors from high above over our heads seem to be alarmed when we passed buy. The long hours in the sun made me feel weak and exhausted. I used a cloth to swipe away the sweat on my forehead. The kids were whiny and annoying. They ran everywhere and made noises. Father would simply scold them and move on. I walked with everyone until about late afternoon.


The sun was going down and the air was still humid. We came to a ridge many miles away from the Mekong River. If you looked out in the distance, you could see the other side of the river. I watched as the colors of red, orange, and yellow walk across the sky. We all looked down at the river. Freedom was waiting for us on the other side.

We camped there looking out into Thailand. Father waited until evening came. When it finally came, we all walked down to the river. Father disappeared for a moment then brought back some hacksaws and inner tubes.

“We will build some rafts with this,” he told the older men. They all nodded and left to gather some sturdy wood. They came back with handfuls of logs and started on the rafts. My grandmother, aunts, and my mother all stood aside and waited. When the raft was finished it was nearly dark. The men had finished two rafts. They weren’t the biggest rafts but they would have to work.

“Everyone get on,” father said. He looked at all 45 of us. Not all of us would fit. It was too late to make another raft. He had everyone besides himself, a family of 5, and I got on. He bid his farewells and set them adrift. We watched my mother and the rest of the family get safely across the river. Father still carried his M-16 with him. He held it and waited until my mother was out of sight.

“We have to go back and wait for morning. It is too dangerous here,” he said to us. It wasn’t safe to stay there because there was a road there. The family, Father, and I walked back to camp. He rested his M-16 on a tree. We waited for daylight to come. I was sleepy and fell asleep on my Father’s shoulders.

I was awakened by someone blowing a leaf. This was their way of communication. Father had told my oldest brother to contact them in the morning. Father got up and grabbed a leaf. He responded to my brother. My brother and Father now knew what to do.

Father grabbed his M-16 and we all ran to the riverbank. My brother had paid a Thai man to come and pick us up. The Thai man had brought a canoe with him. He rowed over to our side of the river and picked us up. When we were in the middle of the river, I looked behind me and saw some Vietnamese soldiers. Each soldier held an AK-47 with him. I called for my father.

“Father! The soldiers are behind us,” I said with fright. I rubbed my hands together and bit my lip. Father held his gun and looked around.

“They won’t shoot us now. We are now free,” Father said with a smile. I smiled at him. I was glad that I wouldn’t have died there. The soldiers couldn’t shoot us because they were having a political meeting and there was to be no shootings.

We got to shore and I ran to reunite with the rest of my family. We were now all safe. They were sitting on the road waiting for us. I walked with everyone down to the police station. Father filled out some documents saying that we were refugees. We slept in the jailhouse. Some Buddhists monks came to offer us some food. Everyone paid their respects and the monks blessed us. We stayed in the jailhouse for two days.

In the morning, people came to ship us to a refugee camp. We got on the pickup truck and went to Ban Nong Khai. Ban Nong Khai was a refugee camp in Nong Khai, Thailand. There was mixture of Laotian and Hmong people. When we got off the truck. The refugee camp was disgusting. There was dirt, urine, and feces everywhere. The only place to sleep was on the ground. I made many friends. We played together every day. We would sit and tease the soldiers that guarded the camp. We ate whatever they handed out. They handed out pork, tuna, bean sprouts, and rice. They handed out the supplies and we had to cook it ourselves. We stayed in this disgusting place for two months.

There was conflict between the Hmong and Laotian people. They split up the Hmong people and shipped us away. We boarded on trucks and they brought us to a place called Ban Vinai. When we arrived there, they opened the trunk and we all got off. All the kids ran everywhere. They all ran free like it was the first time.

The refuge wasn’t the happiest, nor was it the cleanest. People started to become ill and many died in this camp. Many of us suffered from starvation. Whatever we needed for survival, we had to work for it. I watched many people die in front of me. I watched family members cry for the things that will never come for them. We watched these people drown in their sorrow for two long months.

The Canadian Embassy came to the camp. Father applied us for a sponsor. We waited with others. My family waited for our named to be called. If we were sponsored, we got leave here and start a new life. I rubbed my hands and bit my lip. I was taking deep long breaths as I waited with my family.

“Lee,” said the very official looking person.

“That’s us,” Father said. It was our turn. Looked at my family and smiled. We made it all this way just for this. We would soon leave this miserable way of life. I looked down at my grandfather’s necklace.

“Thank you, grandfather,” I whispered to it.

We all got up and boarded a pickup truck. The pickup truck brought us to Bangkok, Thailand. There, we saw a big metal thing. It had the letters and numbers,
‘BOEING -747’. We got on it and sat on the seats.

“Where are we going?” I asked my brother. I looked out the window.

“They are taking us to Canada because we were sponsored by a Mennonite Church,” my brother said. I turned back and he gave me a smile. He hadn’t smiled like this for a long time.

I ran around the plane with my friends. The plane was nearly empty. We ate and drank all the food. I went to see the pilot with one of my friends. It was a white man. He had golden hair on his head.

“Hello,” he said with a smile. I looked at my friend. We didn’t understand what he was saying. What he said didn’t sound right.

“You guys can hang out here,” the pilot said. Even though we couldn’t understand, we still stayed with the man with golden hair.

We went to Tokyo, Montreal, and then we arrived in Toronto. I looked out the windows and saw lots of lights below us. I looked at my siblings, Father, Mother, then at my necklace. I felt a rush of relief. Grandfather would be glad that we were okay.

I thought about how far life had taken me. Where will it take me next?