Dear Mother,

You know how I said Mister Ernest Hemingway was crazy? Well, I was wrong. Or it’s just that I’m crazy now. I thought he didn’t understand how glorious war is, but it looks like he saw war for what it was – death. Right now I’m in a fox hole with a wound in my leg. My whole squad was wiped out. I’m so scared that I must be white right now. You know how those crazy guys were talking about an invasion of France? Well I was chosen for that exact invasion. Omaha beach is where I’m at and I’m currently two miles behind the enemy’s line. Every tussle of the bushes puts me on high alert. For all I know, there could be a German reading the letter I’m writing sitting right behind me. I’m not sure why I’m writing this because you will never get it, but I feel calm so I’ll keep writing.

The reason I’m in this mess is because my magician unit felt it necessary for their sanity to kick me out. Luckily, they put me in the invasion force which got me really excited – until I realized what our objective entailed. Omaha beach was the worst beach in all of Normandy and I was to partake in its capture. I thought my life was over. What made it worse was the wait on the transport boats. I thought we’d never get off the Godforsaken craft but sure enough we stopped. Half of the reason was that our pilots were killed and half because fate didn’t like me that day. One of the pilots, in his last move, opened the door for us to get out and the greeting we got was enormous. Every man in the boat was killed – except for me, of course. I waited in the boat a little longer, trying to find the right time to get out and when I found it I thought my head was going to explode my head was pounding so hard. I scrambled in to the water and waded my way across under water until I reached land. The key to staying alive was to act dead. I should’ve been elected president of the Screen Actors Guild. My performance was flawless. The “buzz saw” was the only thing cheering though as I slowly made my way past their defenses and got to this point. The wound I sustained, though, came from myself as I tried to make it seem like I got shot in the back. I’m starting to hear voices getting closer now. I hope they get this to you somehow but these men sound German and I'll check for a moment……