The Story Of Surprise | Teen Ink

The Story Of Surprise

November 26, 2010
By Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

We were living in a small cabin at the time, and there was snow all over the ground. We also didn’t have much money and the cabin was really run-down. The cold winter air got in through all of the holes, and no matter what we did, it was always freezing in the little cabin.
There were five of us when we got there three months ago, but since then two of us had died due to the coldness and lack of medical attention back then. It was just Ma, Pa, the little baby Katalina, and the little ten-year-old me. There was not yet electricity, and we lived more than three-days worth of travel from the closest part of civilization, meaning that we were totally alone and had to look to each other for comfort and a friend.
Ma was so sad, having lost two children, that she no longer spoke and hardly paid any attention to any of us, including little Katalina, meaning that I was the one who raised her, with Ma only helping by supplying the milk for Katalina to survive from.
Pa was constantly hunting and trying to fix up the cabin a little, leaving no time for his children or wife.
And so it was me and Katalina. We worked good together, seeing as how she was a baby and all. It was she and only she that I ever talked to unless I needed something from Ma or Pa, who were no good most of the time, and eventually I resolved to only messing with Katalina, who was about six months old by now.
That winter we survived mostly on melted snow and whatever Pa could dig up, which was mostly little animals that hadn’t made it to its hibernation place in time for the snow.
Anyways, back to the story I was telling. We were all sitting around the fire that I always kept going for a little bit of warmth, eating a squirrel that Pa had found for dinner. As I said, the cabin was really rundown, and so it was usual for us to hear creeks coming from the little make-shift attic it had. So on that particular night, none of us thought that much of it.
dinner was almost over and Katalina was falling asleep when there was a loud snap and wood and dirt falling from the ceiling. I instantly thought that the roof had finally fallen through and that we were all going to die.
Katilina was instantly awake and crying, and I jumped up, grabbed her, and moved as close to the wall as possible, so as to stay out of the way of the falling debris.
And there, standing on the little make-shift table we had, was an animal, and I, I was shocked. I don’t know who was more shocked, me, Ma, Pa, or the animal its self.
Apparently it was all of us, because all of us, including Ma, who hadn’t moved since losing her children over two fortnight ago, ran for the door. Pa ran to where he had his gun, thinking that this animal would make a good meal for the next few nights, and I, still holding Katalina, started walking towards the animal, all the while discovering that the roof hadn’t fallen in and that we wouldn’t be dyeing yet unless the animal killed us.
Pa was raising the gun to shoot the animal when I had a thought: That animal must have been living with us all winter, because the door was seldom open, and I would have noticed something entering through the door.
“Don’t shoot!” I yelled, startling Pa, who accidentally dropped the gun at the sound of my voice. The animal took his chance and jumped to the rafters, looking for an escape. Pa looked at me and was instantly mad.
“What the h*** were you thinking?” He yelled. It was the first time I had heard Pa speak in weeks, and was surprised to hear him speak. I was actually surprised that he still remembered how to speak.
“That it would be nice, just once, to see if something was friendly! what if I want a friend Pa? What if I’m tired of you two always moping around and not paying any attention to either of your two children who are still alive? What if I want a pet, and that animal is friendly and can be my and Katalina’s friend? Did you ever think of that Pa?” I asked all of those questions in a loud whisper, almost crying.
Pa was staring at me. “Fine” he said, “if you want to keep it, then you have two days to prove to me that it can behave its self. And the first time it is aggressive to any of us, its dinner, go it? And if we don’t have dinner for a while, its on your hands, got it?”
“Yes Pa” I replied, happy that I at least got a chance to prove that this animal would be of good friend material.
So the next day and a half Katalina and I spent working with the animal. Really it was tame to start with, but I had to make sure that it would not hurt us at all.
By the time that Pa took a look at the animal, the animal, which was a He, has the friendliest creature you could ever dream of having. Pa reluctantly let us keep him, who we named Surprise for the way he had entered our lives.

Surprise is the only way that we survived that winter and all the winters after for fifteen years. He was a far better hunter than Pa was, and had really warm fur, which kept Katalina and I warm when we slept around him on cold nights.
Ma eventually died of grief over her lost children, and Pa died soon after, leaving Katalina, Surprise and I to fend for ourselves.
Alone we survived and when Surprise died, Katalina and I moved into the little village when I married and had children, and where Katalina also married and had her own children.

None of this could have happened if it weren’t for Surprise, and so we owe our lives to that little creature that fell through our roof that one cold night.
And so I hope everyone gets to have their Surprise, and that everyone cherishes them as we did ours.

The author's comments:
this was inspired by something my great grandma said during our thanksgiving day frest. pleast comment and rate!

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This article has 2 comments.

on Dec. 2 2010 at 6:27 pm
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

thank you for commenting! i will check out the spelling and try to fix it, and ill try to fix up the ending.

i imagined Surprise to be a Snow Leopard

please checkout some of my other work

on Dec. 2 2010 at 5:53 pm
SecretNonConformist SILVER, Marblehead, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 195 comments

Favorite Quote:
The only thing necessary for the triumph of
evil is for good men to do nothing."
-Edmund Burke

"Bless the children, give them triumph, now!"
Aeschylus, The Libation Bearers

Great job! I really liked this story, especially how the writing style sounded just like the ten year old narrator. There was only one main spelling mistake that I saw: dyeing should be dying. The only other problem was the end was a little rushed and emotionless. It will only take a little fixing up, though. My biggest question is, what kind of animal did you imagine Surprise to be? I'm just wondering.