White. It's all I see when I open my eyes. The sound of a heart rate monitor rings through my ears as I try to sit up. A hiss escapes my lips when I feel the stinging in my arms again. I lift my left arm up and inspect my wrist. It's been wrapped up in a crisp clean gauze, hiding the wound I inflicted on myself. I wince when I recall those last moments.
"Are you alright, my sunflower?" My body stiffens and I cautiously turn my head until I see him. Ivan. My vision becomes blurry and I quickly look away from, unable to meet his gaze. "Y-Yes.", I answer hoarsely. How pathetic. I can't even talk right around him. I hear him get up from his chair and walk over to me. Go away, go away, go away... He sits himself right at the end of my bed and I feel him staring at me. But I don't look up. I can't look up. If I do, I know the only thing I would be able to do is cry.
I feel him gently put a hand on my leg to get my attention, but I quickly jerk away. The silence between us is deafening and I wish that he would just leave. "_____." I reluctantly peer up at him at the sound of my name. My breath hitches when I fully examine his features as he stares at me. He looks thinner. The already large coat, now seemed much too big for his thin frame. And his eyes. His beautiful amethyst orbs searched over me in a worried fashion, even though I was the one who was more concerned about his health. I also noticed the darkness under his eyes from the lack of sleep.
"Ivan?" His eyes snapped up to mine and he gave a small smile. That was it. I threw myself at him hugged him as hard as I could, despite the pain in my arms. I sobbed into his coat as I felt his arms wrap around me just as tight. After a few minutes, I had calmed down and only let out a few sniffles, but still held onto him. I was afraid if I let him go that I would never see him again. A few moments of silence had passed until he spoke up. "_____... why did you do it?"
I shut my eyes tightly as I confessed my true feelings. "Ivan, I love you. I have ever since the first time we had met. Every time we laughed together or hugged, I would get lightheaded. Whenever we were together, it felt like butterflies constantly fluttered inside me, even if all you did was smile. I have never felt that way about anyone in my entire life. Then a small sliver of hope formed when I began to think that maybe, just maybe, you might like me back. When I saw you with Yao... I-It felt like you had tore my heart out and stomped on it. It hurt."
My tears had started to flow once again and he just sat there and listened. "I guess that when I realized you never had any feelings for me, all of my hope was gone. I couldn't even think about not being with you..." I stared at his tear-stained coat as I finished my explanation. He hadn't said a word the whole time, so I cautiously looked up at him and gasped at the sight before me. He was crying... and smiling at the same time.
"My sunflower, I have loved you since the first time I laid eyes upon you as well. Every time I saw your smile, my day would would become one of absolute joy. Everything about you is perfect and I could never dream of living one more day without you." You stared wide-eyed at him with tears running down and your mouth slightly ajar. "You... love me?" He smiled brightly and nodded. "Da. And don't ever forget it."
With that he leaned down and I gasped as he pressed his lips to mine. With the realization that this was actually happening, I closed my eyes and eagerly kissed him back. When we pulled away, I looked at him then felt confused. "If you love me then why were you with Yao?" His cheeks turned a little pink and he looked away from me. "I-I reacted out of impulse. Yao came over and told me that he had feelings for me and asked if I felt the same. Thoughts of you rejecting me ran through my head, and I couldn't help myself. My emotions got the best of me and Yao was there. I guess things went a little too far." His face was completely red now and he couldn't bring himself to look at me. I put a hand on his cheek and made him face me. I then smiled and kissed him on the other cheek. "Let's forget and just love each other.", I whispered. He smiled back and kissed me on the cheek as well. "Da."