The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1974 comments.


on Nov. 30 at 5:10 am
anyabeatrice BRONZE, Encino, California
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments
There is no other way to say this,
but the author has made my day.

Carmen1917 said...
on Nov. 18 at 6:29 pm
Carmen1917, Harlowton, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This is so funny!!!!!!! I can not stop laughing!

Carmen1917 said...
on Nov. 18 at 6:29 pm
Carmen1917, Harlowton, Montana
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This is so funny!!!!!!! I can not stop laughing!

on Nov. 17 at 12:53 pm
Tessa_DreamAuthor3 BRONZE, Tomball, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." - Dolly Parton

Omg I showed this to my friends and we laugh SO HARD omg

xit said...
on Oct. 13 at 1:32 pm
xit, Pasadena, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
must suck to suck

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

s396172 said...
on Sep. 13 at 6:15 pm
s396172, Chandler, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is very funny, i’d totally act out this play with my friends. Twilight is kinda old so i’m glad to see it still being popular :] nope nevermind this is old buttt i’m glad people found it this year!

on Aug. 28 at 4:15 pm
Roxanna_Foxe SILVER, Anonymous, North Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." - Mark Twain

I've never even read/watched the Twilight Saga and I feel like a part of the fandom LOL

Hex SILVER said...
on Aug. 5 at 7:37 pm
Hex SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
5 articles 2 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Homework is like medicine.... If you take too much, it can kill you,”

@SparrowSun I do agree with you, but sometimes comments on older content are good. When I first started Teek-Ink a lot of the things I was seeing were all old, even when I looked for new stuff. Old and new comments I saw on the author's works gave me ideas and motivation.

on Jun. 27 at 9:09 pm
SparrowSun ELITE, X, Vermont
193 articles 22 photos 1016 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It Will Be Good." (complicated semi-spiritual emotional story.)

"Upon his bench the pieces lay
As if an artwork on display
Of gears and hands
And wire-thin bands
That glisten in dim candle play." -Janice T., Clockwork[love that poem, dont know why, im not steampunk]

why is everyone commenting on this? its from 2009! the author has almost certainly forgotten it exists. they don't care. please comment on something new with an author who a single comment would mean the world to!

Hex SILVER said...
on Apr. 22 at 2:56 pm
Hex SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
5 articles 2 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Homework is like medicine.... If you take too much, it can kill you,”

I was just innocently scrolling though TeenInk and run across this BEAUTY!!!!

oliviav05 GOLD said...
on Apr. 18 at 10:13 am
oliviav05 GOLD, Grand Blanc, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Nelson Mandela

Hahaha. Why is this so true??

on Apr. 16 at 11:00 am
Its_Vivian BRONZE, Lancaster, Wisconsin
1 article 2 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Always remember, you are BRAVER than you believe
STRONGER than you seem
SMARTER than you think
& LOVED more than you know

LOL🤣🤣🤣🤣

Its_Brooklyn said...
on Apr. 14 at 10:10 am
Its_Brooklyn, Lancaster, Wisconsin
0 articles 16 photos 12 comments
lol, love it

on Jan. 7 at 2:53 pm
Cara_Writes_Fic, Joliet, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is amazing.

on Jan. 7 at 2:53 pm
Cara_Writes_Fic, Joliet, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This is amazing.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.

BookWorm2007 said...
on Dec. 27 2020 at 10:22 pm
BookWorm2007, Wayne, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If at first you don't succeed, hide all evidence of your failure."

Kill me so I can live forever! I think she meant bite me. OoPS SorrY i'M a sCorpiO.