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The Landless Capitalist
Billy bob lives in a R.V. with his wife who he has known since birth. Their father was so happy when they eloped. But now there was a problem being a proud free American, he must help his country. So against his will, he signed up for the American army which protected the people from itself and the world. He was promised land and money, which he got all for the low low price of his life. After protecting his people in a far off land, he returned home and the army keeping their promise gave him a rock and a nickel then discharged him.
Billy was furious, but on the bright side his Masters in economics got him a cashier job at Walmart. Now Billy was happy until, his landlord kicked him out for being short ten cents in rent. Bob was a proud pure American, so why were all these misfortunes happening to him, he wondered. His only logical explanation them darn foreign, job taking, money stealing, illegal, terrorists. Coming to this realization he went straight to congress, and demanded a bill restricting those lazy communists. Well he was asked kindly to leave, before one of them beat him to death with a cane. Billy knew the hippie commies wouldn’t help in his crusade to keep America pure and equal.
So in return him and his friends went straight to an immigration station and protested those coming in. A little child goes up to him and asks why he has so much hate towards the little boy’s people. Finally Billy was able to vent he said, “I’m tired of these “people” taking our jobs and the commies spreading laziness.” The thought and said, why don’t we give everyone jobs and make something’s free.” Hearing the boy say this infuriated Bob, so he shot the kid in self-defense. He told the police he was a proud American capitalist, and that the boy was attacking him with commie mind tricks. They sent him to prison, where he now had land, food, and a steady job. Now this Billy said was the life no more problems, no more tears just relaxation who could think of a better reward for protecting America. And they all lived happily ever after until America collapsed from economic troubles.
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My first crack at satire