Blood Turtles

The Train (Day 1) - Chapter 1
My eyes slide open. BARK BARK BARK OOOWWHOOOO! *Sigh* Someone must be at my door. I slink out of my bed like a slinky falling down some stairs, smacking my face on the floor. Too tired to care, I just want the dogs to stop barking. OOOWWHOOOO! My dog howls. “Shut the hell up!” my brother yells. Well atleast my brother is up. I attempt to stand, but I don’t have my legs equipped yet and they are nowhere in sight. So i continue my slinky like momentum out of my bedroom door and flop down 3 of my 25 stairs. I sneakily glance over the window above my door hoping it’s not one of those Jehovah witnesses try to tape pamphlets to my door. I release a sigh of relief from my lower lungs, it isn’t a Jehovah witness. But this brings to question, who would possibly be at my door at 9am? I plunge down the next 22 stairs and smack my right shoulder on the tile floor beneath me. “Ow” I whispered to myself nonchalantly. I look into the living room right in front of me. My brother is sitting on the foot rest of the couch next to my howling dogs staring intently into a Good Housekeeping magazine. He insists it is the best quality magazine for its price out there and I never really bother to disagree with him. My brother doesn’t take too kindly to the non believers of the Good Housekeeping magazine. I roll over, facing my front door. BARK OOOWWHOOOO! My dogs are still going at it, and my brother has lost all care of them ruining his personal magazine reading time. Oh there’s my legs, I quickly equipped them and sprang up into action. I peer through the window left of my door and I see something strange. It looks to be a big blue box like figure. “Is that Thomas the train?” I murmured to myself. I unlocked my door and swung it open. It was Marcus Grimm, in a Thomas the train costume. I wiped my eyes of their morning fog to verify the image I was seeing. Ok so this really is happening. Standing their a bit surprised, I really couldn’t expect much less from him. He greets me with a firm “Howdy neighbor” while wearing a huge grin. All I could say is “What the Hell?”. I mean really, who actually goes out and spends one hundred plus dollars on a high quality Thomas the train costume. He interrupted my train of thought, hah train of thought, with a “SQUAWK!” he screeched. Ears ringing, confused, disturbed, I give him a quick smack to the face. “What was that for?!?” he asked. “You come to my house at 9am in the morning wearing a giant blue Thomas the train outfit only to squawk loudly in my face. What do you want?” I yelled. He snaps out of his compulsive bird mode. “You are in great danger”. “What?” I asked in a confused way. He sank into his costume like a turtle going into his shell. Then quickly popped back out with a suitcase in hand and lobbed it at my feet. He tucked himself in the costume one more time only to pull out a butter knife. I stood there speechless. “You need the butter knife to open the suitcase, in there you will find your first key to safety.” he explained to me. Humming the Gilligans Island theme song, he galloped down my driveway and out of site. So many thoughts are running through my head. “Why did he get a Thomas the Train costume?” Why did he give me a locked suitcase? What’s in the suitcase? How will I get this butter knife to open it? How am I in danger? I really need to get more sleep.

Rainbows Forever(Day 2) - Chapter 2
It’s 9am, and one day has went by since the Thomas the train incident. I equip my legs, get out of bed, and head downstairs. “Good morning!” I holler over to my brother. He glares at me with disgust, he knows I know I shouldn’t disturb him while he is reading his Good Housekeeping magazine. So I continue on my merry way into my kitchen and sit down at table. The suitcase is sitting on my counter all by itself, crying to be opened with the butter knife provided. So I head over and give it a shot. I drop my legs and equip the butter knife. Poking the butter knife around inside the lock like a blind man trying to put bread in a toaster, I finally unlock the suitcase. The suitcase had a nice felt interior with a picture of a dragon and a unicorn labeled “Rainbows Forever”. On top of the picture was a piece of jawbone with a post-it note on it which read “The First Blade”. The suitcase reeked of rotting flesh and cake batter, so I tossed the bone to my dog, grabbed the picture and closed the suitcase, carefully re-locking it with the butter knife. I dropped the butter knife so I could equip my phone. Who should I call that would know a lot about “Rainbows Forever” I thought to myself. So I speed dialed my friend Harjot, he would know what to do. In minutes he was over. Because the picture was so small he used his handy dandy wooden ruler to measure and carefully observe the picture, but said he found nothing. My friend was insisting on leaving afterwards and I don’t know why so I stood up to walk him out. *Smash* My face hit the floor, I forgot to re-equip my legs again. Harjot handed me my legs and I proceed to let him out of my house. I shut the front door and he skipped to his car without saying goodbye. “What was his deal?” I wondered. I walk over to my dog, only to see him vigorously chewing on the first blade so I take it away from him. As I grab the blade a surge of ghetto angst rushes through my veins. This power of the blade tattoos a picture of baby lil Wayne on my wrist. A circle of fire forms around me and the gates of hell rise in front of me. “Did someone turn up the thermostat?” A high pitched voice chuckles around the corner of the gate. Out he came, Lucifer himself. Being the classy fallen angel he is, he came out in style. With his favorite band, the Bee Gees at hand, lucifer strut towards me while the Bee Gees played Nights on Broadway. Shrouded in the vibrations of the loud music, Lucifer offered me his hand. Without thinking I take his hand, first he brings me the Bee Gees only good things can come next. We leap through the gates of hell and fall for what felt like a year, and splash into a giant pool. “Welcome, to the 9th circle of Hell” he said with amusement. I look at him confused, “This is just the local pool of Compton.” I told him. “Well god gave us a small budget and ….” He mumbled on. “But that isn’t point. I need you to capture two of gods turtles.” Lucifer exclaimed. “God has turtles?” I asked as I sip on the bottomless margaritas that have been provided.”Yes my son, but they are not any ordinary turtles. They are the turtles that breed universes.” As he passes the bong my way a group of very suspicious members from the crips roll up in their cadillacs, tec-9’s in hand and yell “Wrong neighba’hood muthafuka!”. Slingin’ lead like they sling dope, I was shot 37 times in the stomach. As I watch all the margarita fluid spill out of me, Lucifer decided to be a bro and in my dying moments, kept bringing on the bottomless margaritas. Lights flashed and before I knew it, I was standing at the pearly gates.
God’s Pimp Palace - Chapter 3
I was in the back of a very small line, who knew heaven was so efficient with lines, unlike the DMV. After a 5 minute wait I was at the front being examined by the un-auto tuned T-Pain. He grabbed my shoulders and murmured “swag, money in the bank” into my ears. Then the gates opened, I was in, now time to find some universe turtles. I gazed through heaven, only to see god’s pimp palace towering over all. Pillars made of white gold held up this greek structure of a palace. Giant koi fish statues stood out front covered in herbs. The dank stank carried throughout all of heaven. To my right I noticed a vendor. Oddly enough it was snoop dogg, even though he is not dead he still managed to sell wings in heaven. I walked to the vender and traded in my legs for some wings. Snoop likes him a nice pair of legs, so he agreed with the transaction. I proceeded to fly to the Pimp Palace to locate the turtles that breed universes. As I approached this massive building, the stench of the sweaty people raving inside to Juicy-J corroded my wings mid flight. I started on a barrel roll free fall into a giant pen of turtles. *Boom* I smashed right into the top of a giant universe turtle. “How the hell am I supposed to steal a giant universe turtle?” I wondered. I dropped my wings and equipped the turtle. “Oh, that was easy”. So I began my trek back to the compton pool where I died to bring Lucifer his universe turtles. I approached Lucifer, “Sup dawg” he yelled in some strange tongue “Got my turtles?”. “Ye” I said confidently. I drop the giant universe turtle. “Thanks dawg, here take sum devil hooves. It musta been hard to travelin back withoutcho legs. But with these turtles, the Bloods can finally beat the Crips in this gang war.“. The End...