On November 4th, 2052, 54 year old Alexander Crosset was voted the new leader of the free world. He decided to run for president about 3 weeks before election day, because his younger brother didn’t believe anyone would vote for him.
Crosset won with a miraculous vote of 5 to 2 to 1, against his opponents; Democratic candidate Walt Disney’s robot body, and Republican candidate Mitt Romney’s preserved head respectively. It was an exciting race, because 3 more people showed up than did in the 2048 election. And it was also amazing, because on the ballots, Crosset was listed under “Other”, instead of his name being listed.
When asked how he felt about being elected, he responded as such, “I dunno…. um… I just kinda… I won, that’s exciting… that’s the end of my statement...bye”. You can tell he was overjoyed with his victory. We went home and spoke to his family to see what they had to say. The only statement given was by his mother, Christina Crosset.
“He takes after his father. Blame him, not me.” And his father, Eric Crosset just laughed, and hugged his wife. They also seemed very excited.
And the American public seemed pretty happy with him as well. We asked people around the country, and their general reaction was, “He’s better than Romney.” But that consensus seemed to change after Crosset’s inauguration speech. They all seemed to believe that our new president was, too gaseous.
“It seemed as though he didn’t notice,” Said one young lady. “Like he kept going, not realizing the mistake he was making.”
And looking back on it, I don’t believe he did. His speech started off like any other, quote, “American people, lend me your eyes and ears. Now I know I am not the most qualified for this position, frankly I don’t know why you chose me, but you did. Now you're stuck with me. And you have to deal with that, because I am my own vice president, so you can’t impeach me.” Then all you hear is a passing of gas come from the president, which gave the country a face of disgust.
Now the American public regrets the decision they have made, because Crosset seems to pass gas near constantly, which grosses most [female] Americans out. And Crosset seems to be obsessed with the issue. He recently tried to pass a law that made it so people couldn’t complain when others passed gas, and that people had to pass gas as much as humanly possible. So many are disgusted with Crosset, and are trying to get him out of office as soon as possible, before he does anything more drastic than his recent declaration of war on Canada.
He says, “They’ve been America’s hat for way too long! We need to mix it up alittle.”